June 14, 2007

PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE: TILMA

There is a new labour agreement between BC & AB that the SaskParty and some business leaders are endorsing, that I personally have issues with. Much like our "beloved" NAFTA agreement, it will negatively impact the lives of Saskatchewan citizens in favour of business perogatives from outside the province. There are public discussions on TILMA (Trade, Investment and Labour Mobility Agreement ) in Regina and Saskatoon this month, and I urge each and every one of you to attend one, or do some reading. The largest point in the debate is that TILMA seems to be beneficial for business at the expense of public interest. Become educated now, before this agreement is brought to bear on Saskatchewan and YOUR life.

Entire Article here
Excerpt:
In April 2006, without public consultation or legislative debate, the premiers of Alberta and British Columbia signed an unprecedented inter-provincial free trade deal called the Trade, Investment and Labour Mobility Agreement (TILMA). This deal extends privileges similar to those in the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) to corporations and individuals, allowing them to sue provincial governments and their official agencies for any regulation deemed harmful to investment (i.e. profits). Under TILMA, even provincial or municipal policies designed to protect the environment and public health are vulnerable to attack from corporate lawsuits.

TILMA creates a legally binding process for parties to the agreement as well as private individuals to challenge:
* Government programs and regulations if they “restrict or impair” investment (Article 3)
* Regulations in one province that are different from those in another (Article 5.1)
* The establishment of new, stricter regulations (Article 5.3)
* Initiatives by one province that the other does not agree with (Article 7.2)


TILMA disputes will be arbitrated by independent panels with the power to penalize governments with fines as high as $5 million for violating the agreement, and governments can be hit with repeated complaints against the same program or regulation. Gary Mar, the cabinet minister responsible for negotiating TILMA for Alberta, says that its dispute resolution process is “everything Canadian business asked for,” and that it means TILMA “is backed by some very big teeth.”

Another article concerning the public discussions held in Regina and Saskatoon this week:
Excerpt:
After a week of public hearings in Regina, the Saskatchewan Legislative Assembly’s Standing Committee on the Economy has moved to Saskatoon. Fortunately, CUPE was able to import Steven Shrybman for some expert testimony. Luckily, he wasn’t caught up in any “inter-provincial barriers” on his way from Ottawa. Some of his testimony was reported in today’s Leader-Post:
Ottawa-based trade lawyer Steven Shrybman, who was hired by CUPE Saskatchewan to analyse the agreement, said TILMA favours private holdings over public interests.
In his condemnation of the agreement, Shrybman said TILMA sets the stage for deregulation and privatization. The enforcement clause would also create a system where businesses in other provinces could invoke a review process whenever they felt their interests weren’t met, he said.
“If you took out the enforcement aspect, no one would be interested in TILMA,” he said.
The lawyer said TILMA would open the door for private health care in Saskatchewan. Other public interests would also be jeopardized by the agreement, he said.
While TILMA contains provisions that would protect labour groups, CUPE Saskatchewan president Tom Graham said inclusion in the deal could have a negative effect for all Saskatchewan residents.
“We are citizens of the province as well as working people,” Graham said. “It concerns us that a business or an individual could decide how we’re going to live.”
The standing committee’s report to the province is expected on June 29.

June 13, 2007

Past Present Future Meme

Past:
First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Flom
Last sentence(s) you said: "I might even find something useful at the trade show"
Last song you sang and when: "Cat Power - livin' in bars", reading Abby's blog
Last person you hugged: me, when I got up this am
Last person you laughed at: Rose when she told me to go back to work because I was making her laugh too much.
Last time you said I don't remember: the last time someone asked my age.
Last time you swore: at coffebreak when i stubbed my toe
Last person you talked to online: i blog and use email.

Present:What color socks are you wearing: socks? in June? are kidding me?
What's under your bed: perhaps angus bodhi cat. an antique suitcase full of jewellry. a filofiche with all my legal docs and taxes. a milkcrate full of shoes. a retro red travel case with hair accessories. a crate full of books. a big plastic box full of photo albums I have yet to scan. a bag with all the instruction manuals for all of the apliances in my home. a rubbermaid container with my 2nd wedding dress. As you can tell I have a lot of space under the bed. my sister and I built a box fram 3 ft high, double bed size and you can fit 6 large rubbermaid containers under it.
What time did you wake up today:the firstime 3 am:birds, 4:47 sirens, 6 I gave up & got up

Current taste: dark coffee
Current hair: short and sassy makes me feel like an 8 year old
Do you like someone: yes
Current worry: finish renovating my kitchen
Current hate: i do not hate anything. Currently despise: my feet
Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: hands, eyes, smile, ass as it depends on whether they are coming or going
Last CD that you listened to? Billie Holiday: Lady in Satin
Favorite place to be right now: in the pool
Least favorite place to be right now: in debt
Play any instruments: the piano, used to play drums, bass guitar and the comb, play one song on the tenor sax and the flute, and could make noise on the bagpipes.
Do you believe in an afterlife: how about transformation through the cycle of lives?
Current favorite word/saying: I will.
Favorite book: this week I'm back into the Valdemar series by Lackey and this curmedgeon of a book titled "cunt", in an attempt to reduce not get rid of my sensitivity to that word. it's very very hard to read.
One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: my mom

Future:
Are you going to have the white picket fence and the whole bit?: hahahahahaha !
How many kids do you want: given the day - fewer than I have?
If your dreams could come true, what would your lifetime career be?: a student with an unlimited inheritance

...waiting

friday friday friday

someone tells you you should be somewhere on a certain date but doesn't tell you why ... and it is now 2 days away. how close to the snap point do YOU get?

arrgghhhh!!!!

June 07, 2007

wishes

the child crept silent as snow towards the corner of the kitchen doorway. the nubbin of its nose just peeping into the living room along with a wisp of curly locks. the interminable waiting thunping thumping in time with the only heartbeat in the room. moonglow floating in the windows as the terror tree shadows twist and twine in the winter gale. will he make it?

please please please don't get stuck in the blizzard. i only asked for one small thing this year because i know i wasn't very good. mummy told me i was bad and daddy doesn't barely speak to anyone anymore and it's all my fault. if only i get my wish it will make it all better!

ears perked. what was that. a nightie twitched at a muted scrabbling on wood. fragile fingers clinging to the doorframe neck stretched and on tippy toes to get a quick peek around the corner (no going in the living room till mummy and daddy are awake). a light thud over to the left in the darkened corner by the hearth.

tears sneaking down the rounded cheek not daring to breathe lest her wish disappear before her very eyes she crouched wound tighter than a coiled spring. mrow... mrow... silken fur and baby claws catching on the hem of the nightie. gently cupping the ball of fur to her neck she sank into the rumbling purr of her newest bestest friend, a sandpaper pink tongue wiping away her tears of relief. it was true, she had been good enough.

and down the hall the muffled sob of a mother who had understood too late, the effect of her too quick words said in anger. all the while wishing that the kitten her daughter had wished for would provide the unconditional love all children crave.

June 06, 2007

hump day

i just wanted to note that i have arranged my vacation days to provide me with 3 day work weeks from now until mid august, so with a munificent number of 4 day weekends i may just lose track of myself occasionally. i think that's a good thing.

i went to sleep last night at 8 pm - what's up with that?

having been away from the office for a week i returned to find the 100 little gods very much in evidence. there were no huge stacks of work waiting for me, no lists of emails to reply to. everyone seemed to be in good moods. i got my work all done except for some reports i need to complete today - all good. i love my job.

now all i have to do is get the house done - AGAIN ...

my son is talking about moving out in September or October - whatever will I do with all that space to myself?

June 05, 2007

holy crap it's June!

and May whizzed past me ...

I realized today that I had not posted anything for what - 10 days ... i must have been busy?

well i participated in a Covey training course, 7 habits of highly effective people. it was 3 days long. and like many systems that work it is built upon a foundation of positivity, relationships and vision. alot like "the secret", with a touch of the Celestine Prophecy based on the Golden Rule.

it was good. the best part was the profile analysis. 2 weeks before the course we had to do a survey, then have our boss/supervisor and 4 peers fill out the same survey. the questions covered a wide variety of "I can ..." or "I need to work on..." or I am..." and then they analyze all the data and present it as a profile, which allows view of where you gauge your own abilities versus how other people see you. it was quite enlightening actually.

i found that i judge myself far more harshly than others do, and that others really didn't have anything to criticize except that i tend to put myself (health) at risk in order to complete tasks i have given my word i'd help with. so i get things done but i tend to over stretch myself. so this weekend i planned to just chill out and recuperate from the mental and emotional barrage of the week past (i got to hang out with some friends i hadn't seen in a while - it was great) ...

... when i realized it was the grandson's birthday party and mehendi for the dancing girls (Autumn, Mazi & Maya) and that i had already made commitments to several other things ... no rest for the wicked.

May 27, 2007

short weekends

why do they only make weekends 2 days long? sure it's good for the winter but there is just too much to do in the summertime.

deck-a-dence or perhap drunk-andance was the prevailing wind on last Friday evening. the girls were havin' a p-a-r-t-y night! so were the guys, but once then hen party begins, good luck at gettin in on the convo. great tunes and we were doin some of mick's dancin in the street

please remind me to stay away from the cuervo. it doesn't like blueberry juice in the morning.

and off and running for meditation in the park (cancelled due to lack of interest) groceries (cancelled due to arts festival)- arts festival (cancelled due to other intervening interests) - creating a very zen space on my deck by bringing out the plants and just generally enjoying my space - then a little nap and no call from the girlie so cards with lu and sean - and i actually won - WHOHOO! great game - all on the C hand at the end.

early sunday i dragged my laundry down 2 flights of stairs to discover the damage created when some low brained ham fisted mother fucker decided to break into our laundry room - wrench the faceplates of the washer & dryers off to get our measly quarters and loonies and didn't even have the couth to turn out the light when they left.

let it go. breathe ...

off to the nece's annual ceremony for cadets where she got the last medal she can earn (she has the rest) many many pictures - i am SO proud. and then an afternoon of fun and frolick with my kids and the grands. and many more pictures. and mmmmm tacos for supper - tasty tasty. the hilarity continued as mur and chris squared off in the alley to play horse ... amanda and i just howled at the antics... especially their ability to multitask while dribbling!

work tomorrow - later....

May 25, 2007

looking in ...

deep inside in the darkest little redoubt, cringing from the brightness that threatens to overwhelm my subterfuge, my masks ... ego lurks embracing shadows eschewing the stillness of infinite terror. unwilling now to slough the fears that keep me walking. unable now to express the wrongness ghosting there. where have i gone?

the open laughing touchy feely wench, feet firmly planted in the ground, toes wiggling in the grass, gaia. heart on my sleeve, passionate intense demanding friend, goddess of creation.

yet here i am shod sleeveless and empty.

May 24, 2007

haiku for you

haiku foundation
nature season emotive
sounds five seven five

golden fish tumbling
head over tail bubbling
waking the still pond

reuse recycle
landfill treasure hunters find
midden heap lotus

May 23, 2007

haiku deux

wounded darkness creeps
smothering burgeoning hope
twisting in the wind

May 22, 2007

anger ...

some anger is healthy, some is avoidable and some just smacks you upside the head and will not let you let go. now i am a relatively well balanced individual (except for a few obsessive/compulsive tendencies that i usually manage to keep in check) but it continues to amaze me that after 4 decades of dealing with the cycles of life I still get so fucking angry when horrible things happen to the most brilliant people. and it is inevitably something i can do absolutely nothing to stop/fix/help.

cancer is an insidious evil that chooses its victims willy nilly with no ryhme nor reason. in my experience it often gets the best first. and we the observers can mouth platitudes and pat shoulders, it just doesn't matter, we are helpless to help our friend, who in the end must come to their own terms with the great evil. what is worse is that it is inside them and they can not get away from it. there it is staring out at them through the mirror, their body a traitor.

so what can i do? i have never found a satifactory answer except let them know i love them and then give them enough supportive space to find some acceptance. i can also not bring it up unless they do. the big C scares us all because we are all susceptible. we need to remember that our fear is nothing compared to abyss along whose edge our friend is treading.

May 18, 2007

gravity...

sucks your life away
dogs every weighty step
sweat silently drips

May 15, 2007

ageism ...

how many other adults over the age of 30 are generally pissed at these little twenty somethings that have decided that this is "their" world and that we should just get out of their way? i am sick of sketchy little brats just barely out of diapers telling me i am too old to be in a particular bar or to be participating at a particular party.

i have a right to enjoy myself any damn place i want to. if i want to dance all bloody night then go ME! they can take their disrespectful uptight prepubescent narrow minded attitudes and F@#$ right off. stupid bints.

too old ~ my ass. i'd like to see them try& keep up.

i have to go for a walk now. aaarrrggghhhh!

May 14, 2007

monday file ...

Saturday was a whirlwind of get it done. out to the Beach early for "Rudy's" grand opening. great little shop run by my friend Lori. great photographer that i am i didn't want to miss the chance to snap some pics of her tres cool wares. and lo and behold - every picture i took, there was like a 6 second delay before the flash went off and they were all fuzzy and out of focus - splttt! so i tried to figure out what button i had pushed on my expensive but now useless toy - and could i find it. no! however later that night i looked at the stupid thing (the camera) and realized that the main dial was set to AV mode not picture mode. i bet i checked every setting on the blasted thing except that one. figures. i had been murphinated.

then it was lunch with Lu and grocery getting followed by another dk attempt to haul all the groceries up the narrow opengrill fire escape ... now that's when i needed the AV mode ... cussing and swearing and banged my nee on the stair rail, and i STILL forgot the thrice bedamned coffee filters. ENOUGH I SAY! the voices are calling ....

and off to the deck i go. beauty day - a little wind but c'mon - this is the canadian prairie and it's good to keep the squitos at bay. some pints and a mutilated attempt at a croosword and it was off to Darrel & Jill's for BBQ. You should see the new barby - HUGE all stainless steel, there must be almost 5 sq feet of grill with a funky little side burner - and it's so shiny - beautiful - I just wanted to get a cloth and polish it till it sparkled, pretty as new chrome on a 57 chev. and the food was good too! great company and a chillaxin' evenin'. new friends & old and the kids with the marshmallows were a howl!

spent sunday am sorting some pics and wrestling with the ^$##@##%#%$# printer.
read a bit on the deck and then it was of to ACDS's for dindin which the boys (Chris & Mur) made - apparently mostly Chris. tasty tasty too! then back home to relax and crash by 9:30.

May 12, 2007

sat am

outside outside outside



& a happy Mom Day tomorrow

May 11, 2007

wrapper...

what a glorious week! I only had to work 2 1/2 days, I had union training (learning about arbitration ins and outs) and met some new members of my largest extended family and caught up with others. tuesday evening the angels at the gates of heaven must have been gettin' down with their bad selves by the number of pinters that showed up for deck-adence, even a few souls who've been on sojourn arrived to partake in the festivities. now i'm not complaining about the weather - i adore the sun and the heat - but it is now the season where my guinny gets warm before i'm done so it's time to switch to bombay and lime as the nectar of choice.

glorious Ra beat down on wednesday and an afternoon in the park discussing elliott kicked the braincase back into gear while searing the tender deadfish white flesh a brilliant scarlett - especially my forehead, tightness the next day, not too much pain and here it is friday and it's lookin' pretty tanned.

planning vacation days - and i only have one 4 day week this month, then not another until mid august. much rather have 4 day weekends most of the summer and then a couple of solid weeks off. the air conditioning at work is always a midweek refresher!

my son sent me a note today about the Dalai Lama. Apparently he is considering retirement in the next few years. he's 71 now, so one can hardly blame him. his successor was 6 when he was chosen (may have been under house arrest since 1995). how do you retire from being one of the great compassionate lights in the world? how does one put off the mantle of goodness and harmony and care that is rooted in self to retire? or maybe he is simply retiring from the public and administrative duties required as head of state of Tibet in exile. it certainly makes the point that time is passing faster than we know. in 2009 the Dalai will have lived exiled from his heartland for 50 years. he carries it in his heart wherever he goes.

well enough for now, coffee break is over. looking forward to visiting with my sister after work and then off to Regina Beach for Lori's store opening on the morrow.

cheers and have a VUNDERBAR weekend

May 07, 2007

hmmm....

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - why do they have locks on the doors?

or

Do infants have as much fun in "infancy" as adults have in "adultery"?

... come on it's monday ~ what do you expect - limericks?

cheers

May 06, 2007

sunday blues ...

dawn, drizzly and damp stealing the warmth from the light. cool greys and and the splish splashing of drops impacting puddles. cozy nest humming sweetly in the back brain - stay here ...

up and at 'em girlie. you've a list of chores more extensive than the day is long. but that's usually the norm after play day. spent my whole weekend with my friends - it was lovely! lunch and cake with PJ and Shereelee, then off to Henry's for some shopping, deck-adence served up a buffet of camaraderie, cards with Lu was a win this time, life is good.


cheers!

May 04, 2007

9 days to Mday

well the way things are going these days, i'm not likely to be winning any mother of the year awards - maybe MF of the year ... who knows. here's the deal. before you have children realize that everytime you tell them no you will feel bad and they will be angry. if you do not tell them no you will feel worse and they will still be pissed at you because you did not give them the tools to deal with reality. it's a lose lose. so if you cannot suck it up - do not have children.

and when you get through the teens and think you see the light at the end of the tunnel hahahahahahahahahaha - yeah right.

and if you have more than one child, you will just get the relationship on an even keel with 1 child and something will upset the applecart regarding the other. i do not even want to contemplate having to juggle 3. i stopped at 2, in a moment of enlightened self preservation.

mind you, this is all coming from a woman who needs to fix things, make it all better, help them along and i am sure that a goodly portion of this angst i helped to create. doesn't matter. i still don't like being made to feel that a situation is MY fault when all of the causal effects had everything to do with choices that person made for themselves, but i do feel badly and it makes me sick at heart.

May 03, 2007

quick note

after much frustration it was determined that my hosting provider had deleted my website in it's entirety. yeah. what's worse is i work for my provider.

i have finally posted at least the home page and will continue to work on it as i have time.

all my photo albums ... wah!!!!!!!

May 02, 2007

live the dream

I came across 2 quotes today that made me stop and appreciate all the voices in my head.

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." Edgar A. Poe

"When one burns one's bridges, a very nice fire it makes." Dylan Thomas

i think daydreaming is a symptom of the creative imagination which leads one to think new thoughts that breed original ideas. if you dream when you're awake, there is a larger percentage of remembering those ideas and putting them into action. anyone who has ever kept a dream log knows how hard it is upon waking to recall detail or to intuit or infer just exactly what the dream represented.

as for burning ones bridges ... heh heh heh ... occasionally the merry little fire becomes a blazing glory lighting the new path you have chosen to take. live now, release the hold the past has on you and stride forward fearlessly. it's risky, but it's best.

May 01, 2007

abigail's interview ?s

Abigail has an inside track on 5 question interviews for bloggers ... here's my 5.

1.Who would you consider the greatest love of your life?
Hmmm – now I have to determine what “the greatest” means as in inspiration, good for me, most intense, happiest, most fulfilling, best learning experience, or longest lasting … Who made up this question???
Inspirational would be my mom.
Most intense Chris Dyer when I was 13.
Happiest would be me.
Most fulfilling my children and grands.
Good for me would be the sugarman.
Best Learning experience would need to encompass all the longterm relationships I’ve had because they all taught me what not to do next time. That would make it GlenRickLorneDaveJohnMike.
Longest lasting would be my great love affair with music.

2. If you could party with any rock star, living or dead, who would it be?
A date is two people, a party takes three – so I would choose Bowie and Zappa. can you freaking imagine .... oh the trouble i've seen .......

3. Where are you happiest? on the deck or with the grands. it's a win-win, either way i'm with my friends.

4. What is your morning routine?
Wake up, stretch, thank the hundred little gods that I’m still moving – or not, listen to the noises, look at the clock, feed cat, take meds with juice, eat yogurt, wet & scrunch hair, check email and awaaay we go

5. Is there a fictional character in literature that you really identify with?
There aren’t many that don’t vibrate with me somewhere, or else I wouldn’t be such a voracious reader. the tasmanian devil ... perhaps eugenie, the marsellaise french waif who married the marechale who was adopted and made King of Sweden, and all of the heroines from the torrid historical fantasy novels that are just so much trash and suck you right into them. especially piratical wenches, and tawdry wenches, and the great amereuses' (kept in wealth wenches) of Louis 14th & 15th era. like that.

April 26, 2007

the importance of deck attraction:

"You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation."
plato

and the deck provides both!

April 24, 2007

workweek

the weekend was wonderful. no time for the computer (friends and family are aghast- what's wrong with her?) danced my way through 420, went to the IMAX for the first time on Saturday with the AmandaChris crew. it was chilly and a nasty wind first thing in the morning but the shows were awesome. devi and seth and i were kept jumping in our seats as the underwater world unfolded before us. the moon jellies and the fried egg jellyfish were the best parts. and poor seth, 2 minutes before the end of the cowboy movie puked on the floor. there's a 24 hour bug going around their school, and he says the popcorn smell set him off, poor little guy. but 15 minutes later he was ready to play at the kid park they have at the science center.

then it was off to a deck for lunch with Stacey and the crew - and true to our saskatchewan natures, wind or no wind, it was bacon and eggs on the deck. gotta love the fresh air. played phone tag with deb and never did manage to catch up with her, but played canasta with Lu in the evening. Sunday was the never ending groceries and laundry. and i actually managed to finish organizing my room - sort of ... many phone calls, a few chats with neighbours on my walk, all in all a great weekend off.

Monday: what can i say - we are 3 admins down in the office and we only have 3. even the back up for the back up is MIA. so we are all chipping in and doing for ourselves, it's a learning experience that only makes us appreciate all their work even more. women wherever you are, we hope you are doing well.

so now it's tuesday, another busy one... lots to do and hopefully i can catch up to deb after work today. a most brilliant day to everyone.

April 20, 2007

deck dayz ...

birds' tones muted by the drizzle of a refreshing spring rain ... aahhhhh ... alive in every single cell, fingers tingly cat stretches, a soft sleepy smile creeping across the mirror... glorious morning.
smack!
is that me?
hey, check it out - i'm waking up smiling. and it's my day off. heh heh heh. I win!

one small change grew into a chain of them yesterday - and it apparently continues. the locks elicited more comments and compliments than expected - and it was lovely :) it's terrific to leave work knowing the desk is clean. i won $2 on my lotto ticket. the biweekly visit with the dreaded scale gave up more good news - finally reached the first loss goal I set in September - 50 pounds! (never mind how much is left, just think skinny). i actually asked the admin if it had been weighing light. hmpf. she just laughed at me. i wonder what watching the expressions of the people who come in to use the scale would be like. that would be fascinating...

anyhow, the decision was made then and there to walk by Ohees in the hopes that the deck would be ready for a visit. another stroke of brilliance if i may say. and there was still an open table. the nasty wind that had been blowing all day died off to a breeze, sunlight all toasty and the crew just starting to trickle in as if they too had heard the call of summer. fun and frivolity, good conversation, witty remarks and more silly ass grins than i've seen in many a moon. doing the happy dance without spillage, be it the guinness or whatever it is that floats your boat. old friends and new, hugs and hugs and hugs. aahhhhh ... happiness is being with my friends. corny but never truer.

coming home to a delectable little quiche my son the chef had cooked up - a perfect end for a slightly wobbly wench. little tasty bits and a a cuppa'. clean jammies, angus purring at my feet and off to dreamland...

and a brilliant morning. feels like spring cleaning, fresh starts, finishing small jobs left undone. much to do. a salute to 420 day and a scrubbing i will go.

April 19, 2007

the haircut ...

I have been dithering for several months now about cutting my hair. why am I dithering? I am not a ditherer, I am decisive and enjoy acting on my decisions and seeing the results. I used to dye my hair "pick a colour" every 3 months or so - and to perm, shave, shag, mushroom, afro, tail, mullet, curl it was a regular thing. I realized that it has been almost 20 years since I have done anything more drastic than accidentally put a one inch wide white streak into it (hair dresser's fault - knew I shouldn't trust them) 7 years ago. It's been as short as shoulder length a few times but otherwise just long and even. and boring. but it never bothered me. now it does. it's getting curlier and keep getting these nasty little knots in the back hairline under the fall of hair and it catches and wraps itself up in whatever jewellery I'm wearing (I Love shiny stuff), it gets caught on my cigarette, in my mouth/eyes, in car windows, on shrubbery branches, and by the hands of smallish children.

don't take this wrong, I'm not actually complaining just listing for myself the various reasons why I might have wanted to cut it. I have really heavy thick hair, that achieved natural curliness in my mid 30s (before that it was straight then a little wavy) my girlfriends are of 2 schools: once you are 40 you should have short hair because it suits an older woman (WHAT!!! kind of traditionalist crap is that?) and the other which is: long hair is beautiful at any age, and after all the work to get it grown out and all the same length why would you throw all that effort away? (who's throwing it away. my hair grows pretty quickly. it's just a change ...) so everyone's opinions didn't really help me make my decision.

I loved my long hair, so Tuesday on my way home from work I went to Snax and Greg cut it.

Wow - is it short . . . and curly. the wind on my neck gives me actual goosebumps and shivers.

and I adore it. I just visualized all the old crap I've been carrying around as the swaths of hair that were drifting towards the floor. when I walk it moves with ME, not with the WIND. it's light, it's fun, it makes me feel like an 8 year old. it was a need fed that I didn't know I had. let it go let it go let it go.

so now I have SASSY hair. who hoo!

(and it doesn't hurt that everyone who's seen it likes it, and in some cases raved about it! stroke that ego, it's been lonely)

2 days later - still lovin' it - easy to style - fast to dry ( had to buy a hairblower with a diffuser though - but my Shopper's Optimum points paid for that!) and I have had some time to think about it. then it hit me ...

so the latest and greatest in empowering practices to hit the mobsteria is "the secret". in shortest terms - "be careful what you ask for". the philosophy is based on the Law of Attraction. What you do, think, say and believe have consequences and those consequences will have the same nature as the original act, thought, word and belief.

it's about positivity. if you think of everything in negative terms, you are drawing negativity to you, and vice versa. so here I was hanging onto something that was doing nothing for me but weighing me down - in SO many ways more than just the hair. In shedding the top weight I invite the bottom weight to go elsewhere too. I also shed remnants of old relationships where they wanted me to keep my hair long and the deep rooted (haha) memories of years of living in a manner that I detested. I opened a new door to freshness and light and invited it into the rest of my existence.

April 18, 2007

breaking news . . .

this just in - the deck has been sighted - actually IN the street.

coming soon: Ohee's seasonal expansion. Where peers and patrons perch their patooties on the picnic tables, palaver with pals and peruse the park while placating their general parchedness.

the bobcat is parked, the iron railings are up, and the lamps are in place ... waiting impatiently for the tables.

April 17, 2007

hmmmm ...

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

April 16, 2007

hmmmm?

how do you tell when a pen runs out of invisible ink?

April 13, 2007

proof ...


a friend of mine sent this me today and though I love men, I had to share this with the girls :)

April 11, 2007

shame on me ...

so now I am going to sound like an out of touch disgruntled old-fashioned crank that I used to mimic when I was a teenager. no problem. but it is very important to me that I get this said.

I know a lot of young people - for this particular discussion, let's say under 20. Some I am quite close to and the rest are casual acquaintances. I do my best to be non-judgemental however I have apparently come to the bitter end of that very long rope.

I know teenagers are driven to express their angst. What they wear, do to their hair, tattooed and pierced everywhere ... that is their way of expressing individualism (albeit they do it as a group) and enjoy giving a generalized finger "to the man". I understand. I did similar things pre-16 and still do them occasionally to this day. I was a nasty piece of work when I was a teenager.

Cursing is one thing but their language is utterly atrocious! Every 3rd or 4th word is an expletive - it's like their brain is stuttering ( hmmm - maybe it actually is). Oh yeah, I understand the rap and hip hop lyrical influences and all the rest of the "Peer Pressure" issues they struggle with. I call BULLSHIT. The best example I can up with for the complete overuse of curse words is a particular song my daughter played for me this past weekend, it consists primarily of 2 words "shit" & "fuck" randomly intertwined about a steady bass beat. Talk about beating any meaning out of the words. This is part of the problem. Cursing is so prevalent that teenagers mindlessly follow along like lemmings to the point where the curse actually loses it's power and becomes simply another interjection in a sentence. And they kiss their mothers with those mouths (see the old lady creeping in). Do they actually believe that trash talking is cool? Constant use of foul language is the sign of a weak vocabulary, perhaps we need to provide some remedial language classes. Outrageous behaviour, pushing boundaries, having fun being immortal - all of these I can accept (I did say accept - not approve of - but they are not seeking my approval).

But where is their dignity, their self awareness, their idea of self worth? What happened to their sense of personal shame? When did these virtues become extinct? A stroll through the Park and down Scarth Street to the mall supplies at least a dozen examples of what is irritating me. I don't have a problem with street performers bussing for $$, I respect the effort they are making and generally appreciate the music or entertainment they provide, but I am completely fed up with kids panhandling for coffee change. It's as if begging has become a respectable tradition with this generation. Where is their self respect? And I know some of these kids. They come from average or middle class homes, they aren't really lacking in material goods, and if they wanted to they could be holding down a part time job for extra cash. It is simply ok for them. They can't all be doing it on a dare.

If these kids need a cigarette so bad that they feel completely at ease begging for smokes or BLECH!!!! picking butts out of bins and off the sidewalk (SO gross) I have to wonder when their sense of personal shame evaporated - or maybe they never acquired one, or one that is recognizable to me. Either way it is deplorable. It drives me crazy (short drive I know). And yet I find myself apologizing and making excuses for myself - to them when I turn them down ... "I'm sorry, I can't ... yada yada" and then I get angry at myself for needlessly apologizing. I have been working for the majority of 33 years, I should be allowed to keep what's left over after the taxman without having to justify myself to a bunch a whiny little brats too lazy to support their own habits.

Note: this is not directed at those who are panhandling for bus fare - that was discussed previously, and when it comes to someone who truly looks down on their luck, I quite often buy them the cup of coffee or a quick bite that they are looking for.

SO ... having realized my frustration I needed an action plan. Here's the plan: When a youngster asks me for money, I say "No, I think I'll keep what I have earned", and when I am asked for an extra cigarette, my response will be "There is no such thing as an extra cigarette." Confrontational? You bet. Someone (inferring myself and other willing victims I mean candidates) needs to let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. If they start to bitch me out, I will emphatically explain in more detail.

April 09, 2007

good thursday tired monday

whew! i am just freakin exhausted and rambling and just a tad testy. for the first time at my job i woke up and DID NOT want to go to work. work sucks. it requires me to leave the warmth and comfort of my bednest. it pushes me to washmyhairbrushmyteethfindsocksthatmatch, feedthecat, findmyIDanddglassesandpacklunch, eat some yogurt and roll.

into cold below zero, grey haze windy as winnipeg, dust swirling gritty funnels that fling their remains at you just when you finally open your eyes to a despondent morning. strangers being all happy as you trudge toward your destination muttering all the way (more like muted whining actually).

what is the matter with me? i am just coming off four days off work.

thurs & fri were good - chilled out, did a bunch of work on the pc, listened to my tunes LOUD, visited with friends, did a little shopping at Walmart - NEVER GO ON A STAT, and had a Big Mac. even got ready to go down to the pub friday nite, used the curling iron .... and by the time I was finished flicking the last tendril into place i didn't feel like going anywhere. so I watched surfer movies with the blessing of the green.

Sat - groceries ... UGH! why doesn't the sore have what I want? why can't someone figure out how to make honey dipped lemon busters that aren't full of sugar? why do old people run over your feet with their carts and NOT BOTHER TO APOLOGIZE! and why won't the mother of that child stop it from running amok, up and down the aisles, knocking stuff of shelves ... my god $411 on groceries !!! so much for the pub. push em around the store, load em into the car, unload em onto the steps - thank the hundred little gods the boy showed up and hauled most of them up the stairs or i would have been there till tuesday. then put them away while simultaneously cleaning off counters, kicking angus out of the way and cleaning out the fridge, emptying the garbage and deciding on what i will be having for supper.

the bbq is out of propane. %^$#!#%^$#@!!@$%%$#!~!#@#$ bran muffin

pack up pillows and jammies and the camera/acc and the defrosted humongous turkey, and all of the stuff for the grands and then wait outside on the cold windy deck for 45 minutes in the cold because my ride is never late until today.

gets loads of hugs and kisses from the kidlets and feel better. do more stuff. won at scrabble. coloured eggs and made beaded jewellery for everyone. spend 2-3 hours in bunny preparations.

7 am sharp the little fiends were waking me up telling me what the Easter bunny brought them.. oh oh ... they found it already and the parents aren't up yet. all their hard work brought to naught. not happy campers. watch the kids stuff themselves with sugar, the wind up has begun and then it's scooter time. under 15 minutes, still wobbling as they go with a 2 foot pixie stick in one hand and they were starting the "tricks" they'd seen on TV.

supper was delicious.

popped over to Lu's, and installed a couple of programs for her and showed her how to use torrents, coffee and I actually won the first game of canasta in a week, and i only had one load of laundry. home around 10pm. finished turkey and barley soup and spent until after 2am trying to get to sleep.

which is why at 6am, I hit the snooze for an extra hour and STILL had to drag my ass out of bed.

it's been a good day though :)

memeplex

a la schmutzie - first I had to go and find out what a "meme" was. off to Wikipedia: refers to a "unit of cultural information" which can propagate from one mind to another in a manner analogous to genes

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: yelloworangered
Favorite Food: Roast beastie - bison, beef, bambi, pork, lamb, sheep, goat .... it's all gooood
Favorite Month: Julygust
Favorite Song: toss up: Ride On-ACDC, 59th Street Bridge Song - Simon & Garfunkel
Favorite Movie: Michael (J Travolta)
Favorite Sport: "I'm not touching you"
Favorite Season: summer
Favorite Day of the week: Sunday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Hagen Das Double Chocolate (but prefer orange or lemon sherbet)
Favorite Time of Day: guinness time.

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: content.
Current Taste: expensive
Current Clothes: jeans, green buttoned sweater, black leather walking shoes, candy glasses
Current Desktop: this crazy wonderful buddhaface in all my fave colours (at home too)
Current Toenail Color: Unvarnished and newly trimmed.
Current Time: 4pm.
Current Surroundings: work, beige walls superimposed with a motley collection of handmade artwork from the grands et al, pictures of those I love, BIG calendar, reference books, files and a lovely handmade beaded and rolled east indian wall hanging - oh yeah, my mini disco ball.
Current Thoughts: hairbands, haircut, long, short, streak, write, type, lists, work

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: My cousin Brucie. We lived in the same house. Cora Lynne Olsen K-G3
First Kiss: mom - the other kind - Tommy and Mike Douglas the twins in kindergarten
First Screen Name: wench
First Pet: a turtle, a rabbit and a sway backed old shetland pony
First Piercing: ears, then 8 more - also in the ears
First Crush: Steve Gosselin in Grade 4.
First CD: hahahahahahaha how about first vinyl? 3 Dog Night (Gr6) then my grandma millie bought me Alice Cooper Billion $ Babies for Christmas.

7Lasts
Last Cigarette: This morning walking to work.
Last Drink: Firday with Deb and the dudes at the pub.
Last Car Ride: Yesterday, Luanne and I drove out to Sherwood Forest
Last Kiss: Saturday when I got kisses from the grands at the park.
Last Movie Seen: "88seconds" - pacino - gotta love him
Last Phone Call: to my admin asst for some info
Last CD Played: personal compilation of paul simon, S&G, beatles, blues & cat stevens

6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: twice, and we are still great friends
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes, details have been suppressed to protect the innocent.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: yes, I was framed .... hahahahahaha
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: sure, but wouldn't "Have you ever dipped skinny?" be funnier
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes a few times.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: of course! great introduction :)

5 THINGS
Thing You’re Wearing: shoes, socks, undies, pants, sweater, bra, a toe ring, and 10 earrings, wristwatch, bracelet, scarf.
Things You’ve Done Today: shower/hair, breakfast, fed angus, answered email, walked to work, worked, had a coffee, woke up son by phone, worked, had lunch, walked around Cornwall Center for exercise, work ... blog on break.
Things You Can Hear Right Now: 4 people on the phone 3 people typing, two telephones and a very loud LED desk fan.
Thing You Can’t Live Without: air
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: find amusement

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY
home, work, mr. sub, the bank.

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
buddha, ganesa, and angus bodhi cat

2 CHOICES
Black or White: white. the reflection of all colours. only needs 2 coats when painting over.
Hot or Cold: Hot. hot summer beaches, hot chocolate, hot turkey sandwiches, hot street-tar that is soft enough to stick your toes into, hot peppers, hot baths ...

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

live well

April 04, 2007

purity . . .





the "boy", enamoured of all electronica and things that go fast, make noise or taste good.















"the girl" - 7 year old awe ... everyday ... it's shiny.......

lamentations ...

oh woe is me - Friday was supposed to be a DO but it's a GOOD Friday, so now I have a Great Thursday as my DO and - oh goodness me - a Fine Saturday and not-so-bad-eat-turkey-bunny-day... I don't have to get up early tomorrow ... what ever shall I do .... HAHAHAHAH ... i kill me.

April 02, 2007

20 sentences

my friend abigail found this interesting idea on Saviabella's "blog, inspired ~ she wrote her own list. now it's my turn. The idea is to write twenty sentences about twenty different anonymous people. No Names. things you need to get out, good bad or indifferent. it's spring, clean house.

1. sharp tongue, sharper intellect, sharpest creativity. chase your dream. i am wherever you are.

2. grow new memories to replace those that were lost or those that you no longer want. grow the future and let go of the past before it kills you. i will always love you.

3. you loved me better than any other and you let me go, dignity intact. thank you for the gift.

4. your friendship is better than donna cake. layers of sweet and tart, with the luxury of real whipping cream. . . just exactly right.

5. you lived a heart lie so i had to leave, and a harder thing i have never done.

6. with laughter & tears, your uncompromising ethics are a path i try to follow. you deserve better. i wish i could give it to you.

7. your assumption that i was aware of all the details was the first knife thrust. your inability to get past it near killed us. thank the hundred little gods that you are growing up in the time between then and now. if we are lucky our children do that to us.

8. i love you, you have a great heart. you made mistakes and refused to learn from them because it was too hard to look yourself in the mirror. your shield against the world was brittle and instead of allowing someone else to break in, you broke out. remember that those who hurt you deepest are often the ones that love you the most. that is why it pains you so.

9. i think you are beautiful inside and out. elegance with a razor edge. if only you could see you the way i do. you lead me down strange and powerful paths littered with the detritus of the world's greatest.

10. i regret that you do not think that i was a good enough friend. i miss you. please understand that you are not the only one who gets fucked up.

11. your company is a release - infinite encouragement meets unconditional care. i am so lucky that you are my friend. thank you for all the myriad help through the years and allowing me to be exactly who i am without any kind of pretense.

12. you ground my children's hearts to dust. several lack lustre attempts to irrigate fallow fields followed. let them go unburdened

13. my hero and my nemesis. you still don't really understand me but now you are my friend.

14. why do you continue to destroy yourself piece by piece? do you realize you're killing us too? please stop.

15. every time i see you, you tell me i'm beautiful and i just do not see it. but you are.

16. few of the friends of my youth survived. every time i see you, it opens the door to so many great memories, like the sun after the rain.

17. to be included was everything i needed, thanks.

18. you've been gone so long and it seems like yesterday. the tears just don't end.

19. thank you for releasing the geek in me.

20. you are a shrivel hearted miser whose self loathing poisons everything you touch.

March 31, 2007

out like a lamb ...

and so march declines and april burgeons, squelching through slush and mud and notrain notsnow, hoods drawn and footsteps quick as can. umbrellas blossoming in a vain attempt to subjagate the prairie wind.

clouds scudding away to the east, faces lifted to glaringly cool sunlight. a primitive assertion that hibernation has ended. a quick nap or two, all that is left of the darktime.

fugitive drifts neath the pines dissolving. fragile shoots nestling in the undercarpet of last year's lawn. new growth curled around itself engorging thin casings. perennials thrusting for the light and heat of longer days.

voices strident with the longnight soften, warming timbres deepening laughter. touchy feely time approaching, reconnecting.

... the deck will be up soon

March 30, 2007

happy anniversary to me

today is 1 year in my by now not so new job. thank the hundred little gods. to be able to get up in the morning and look forward to going to work is a rare thing that I will continue to cherish. as with so many other things in our lives we truly do not appreciate how important it is to enjoy your work. having to drag your ass to a job that you detest, either because of the work itself, the people or the environment takes a serious toll on a body in so many ways... the dread factor kicks in.

no more dread factor for me.

AND it's friday - who hoo.

March 28, 2007

light after darkness

frosty splotches pancaking the cement
wet splooshes as they devolve to slush
hugging your soles slogging on home.
the door breathing freshness in
waking after winter
opening windows
shaking rugs
singing
light

spring has sprung a leak

this morning it was "it's raining, it's pouring"
and this aft it's "frozen rain, come again"

ahhh - but it is still SO much better than 20 below.

spring is supposed to be damp - green things need moisture to grow, it helps thaw the ground.

so instead of complaining - get an umbrella, dig out the galoshes (rainboots for you youngsters) and the slicker (raincoat) and start singin in the rain/snow/sleet/mush ...

it's good for the sole - heh heh heh

March 27, 2007

Mon after work

why do complete strangers talk to me? especially strangers that are STRANGErs. i don't mind chatting with the occasional lonely on the bus, or waiting in a line. i am quite happy to exchange how-dos with street musicians, etc. i don't even mind short convos with the indigenous passersby on the concrete smoking lounge outside the pub. HOWEVER, if i am sitting on my front step, reading a book, looking all "leave me alone" ... why wHy WHY do they insist on perforating my little bubble of personal happy space!

Do i have a welcome nimbus surrounding me? Is there a welcome mat at my feet? Is there a big freaking neon sign above me that says "BOTHER HER" that only I cannot see? Anywhere, anywhere at all, does it say > talk to this woman - she only appears to be busy - that is an illusion - she is actually sitting and waiting for the strange to strike up a conversation?

No, it does not.

phew, all better now.

March 25, 2007

minor bits . . .

stephanie should not have been sent home
migraine
stiffachey
banking
finished 2 books
visit with dad & viv
watered plants
moved Lu's car to nickster's
watched Eragon @ lu's
horizontal toss
up too early - stupid birds
dishes
successful burn - thank you mikey
org tasks
the tire
hot turkey sandwich
groceries done
garbage
cornerstore
bbq time - taaasty!
asskickin' in canasta
crash
dishes
read on deck
brush cat
hard core hygiene cubicle clean time
laundry - this'll take all nite.
3 useless trips to the laundry room
now ...

still to do :
laundry 3 loads x 2up2down (5trips if i'm lucky)
supper
some pampering perhaps

womanhood . . .

f#*%in yay.

March 21, 2007

24 things I thought would be fun but weren't

idea c/o schmutzie & abigail: here's my list, my only problem was limiting it to 24 and changing names to preserve both the guilty and the innocent.

1. the multitudinous hair scare affairs (a list all on it's own). short, long, permed, shaved, semi shaved, coloured (platinum to blue black and even blue). and streaked and streaked and streaked. now no perm, naturally curly, long and just enough clairol to keep the white wings and the elvira streak at bay.

2. not really more fun, but faster so I could go and have some fun:plucking the black hairs on my chinny chin chin instead of bleaching them.

3. throwing a dollar's worth of fingerling firecrackers into grandpa's shed. lit. i hid in the horse pasture for a long long time.

4. deciding that it was best to go commando under my wedding gown in the CHURCH - and NOT telling the bridesmaids before they helped to get my train into the limo.

5. attempting to walk accross the 6 foot high monkeybars on the tarmacked schoolgrounds in Swan River the first day of summer vacation, when I knew I was not supposed to. ... broken wrist, cast came off in mid september.

6. got stuck on the tow rope at Mt. Argosy and couldn't get off at the bunny hill (1st time skiing), got off at TOP of tow, and decided to "snowplow" all the way down. hit a small jump on the intermediate slope and barely managed to stay upright, lost a pole and straight armed into the retaining wall at the bottom. more like "snowball"

7. attempting to launch on waterskis while SITTING ON A WOODEN DOCK!

8. giving myself a homemade tatoo, and going over it 3 times for good measure.

9. riding a motorcycle in a skirt and 5" spikes, and forgot about the exhaust pipe. thank the hundred little gods I wasn't wearing nylons.

10. marrying him ... and him ... and almost marrying them.

11. buying my son a skateboard.

12. piercing my daughter's ears

13. having a waterballoon fight with the balloons I found in my dad's sock drawer. they were great, toss em off the garage and they bounced if you hit the grass. latex is tuff.

14. setting up a "travois" - without taking into account how far the horse could reach with his kick.

15. talking my sister into sticking a fork into the kitchen plugin when i was about 8. actually that was fun

16. deciding that supersliders were actually made for downhill.

17. drinking 28 shots of tequila in 2 hours on my 28th birthday. el stupido!

18. attepting to teach my cat Snooper to swim.

19. taking turns shooting each other with BB guns

20. "borrowing" the tribike to go to the store - and driving by my dad who had forbidden it on the street on the way there.

21. attaching a corn on the cob to a fishing line and dragging it behind the car down 8th Street in Saskatoon. When the police want to know what you are doing . . . "Trolling for pigs."

22. zoomers for 2 days before and during the ACDC concert. i did WHAT?

23. volunteer to help a friend move to find out that the old place is on the 3rd floor and so is the new place - in separate buildings . . . and there is no elevator.

24. while working nightshift, to catch up on my sunbathing by going to sleep in the yard around 11am and waking up at 2:30pm ... in mid july.

spring is sprung, the grass is riz, I wonder where the flowers is?

an old old old little bit of fluff that my mommy used to recite. along the same lines as "does eat oats" (Doe as in female deer) , and if you don't recognize it, not to worry, you have not missed the crowning piece of literature from the 30s & 40 s. it just a bit of fun. it does however, make me smile whether I hum it, sing it or even let it trip through the brain (today it's a short trip)

does eats oats
and goats eats oats
and little lambs eat ivy

a kid'll eat ivy too
wouldn't you (in a light an lilting sort of tone)

March 19, 2007

happy birthday to Murray - he's 24 today

today is one of those days when you just cannot get away from your age. usually I don't really care, and i am actually looking forward to 50, i'd like to skip to there right now (8 years to retirement once i get there and my kitchen reno might be done by then) but today my youngest turned 24. we got him a spiderman cake and took him to the video arcade yesterday - all the kids from age 6 to 45 had a good time.

St. Paddy's is over for another 363 days ... this year i changed the tradition and met the crew at Ohee's for lunch and a couple of pints and then spent the rest of the day with the grands. it is my sincere wish that the crew had a blast and that their collective hangover wasn't too too bad :)

wow, March is almost over ... can you believe it?

March 16, 2007

alone . . .

the onset of spring stirs the blood, the anima rises, especially if you’ve survived yet another hibernation through a northern winter – mayhap that is causing my mental regurgitation of the “could of, should of, would ofs”. i am alone but not lonely, though some people tell me that I am just kidding myself. i believe they are wrong. when i need company i visit with friends (i consider myself very lucky to have a double handful), i go out and be with crowds of strangers (it's great and i make new friends) or i have people over to my place. sure there is the occasional urge for a twosome, but not for an everyday permanent presence, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (and it was fairly expensive – rated as haute couture).

from the 16 to almost 46 - i have lived alone exactly 5 months. and i liked it. alot. right now i have a housemate (son) , but he is looking to move in the next 6 months or so i think, and that's ok.

observing the swirl of human partnerships around me, i wonder why i choose to remain outside. i have a few friends who seem to have made the same choice i have (or was the choice made for us by experience?) there are short spans where i might want to be part of a couple again but they pass fairly quickly… like a hangover. i used to believe that we were designed to be in pairs. now – not so much. individuals are meant to be individuals, though some are driven pushed pulled towards partnership for a plethora of reasons : love desire fear security tradition habit, just to name the basics. i think we all have to understand that partner relationship which can only be done through experience, but it is not forever for most.

sifting through the detritus, ghosts of “what once was” rise from the misshapen lumps of half-forgotten remnants littering my emotional landscape. 2 marriages, 2 kids, 2 grandkids, and a couple of finite engagements, lost & refound friends, school, work, career … it took me until I was 42 to have a partnership that ended with my heart bruised yet my dignity intact, but it still ended. maybe now that i have figured out how to do that, i no longer need to practice.

love can be blind but doesn’t have to be. i know it’s not the peter principle that holds me back. i’m not afraid of commitment and i don’t need someone else to provide my security. i’ve transcended my habit of choosing “bad boys” or people who “need” me. as for tradition – fuck it. perhaps I have simply lost the desire to share my whole life with that one “other” – and selfish as that may seem, that is not necessarily a bad thing.

so for those out there who keep asking why am i alone? maybe it’s because you’re ready.

March 15, 2007

... the ides of March

contrary to popular belief, this is not to be confused with superstitiously unlucky days like Friday the 13th's - however in the calendar in which "ides" originates there are 8 months whose "ides" fall on the 13th of the month, so if that occurs on a friday, it could be both the "ides" and unlucky. It was certainly an unlucky day for Caesar who should perhaps have been more discriminating in his choice of buddies.

the actual term "ides" purportedly comes from Romulus' (supposed founder of rome) first roman calendar. whichever twisted puppy invented this particular piece of work, he must not have had enough to do since trying to figure the date becomes a labrynthian task. each month revolves around 3 special days "Kalends, Nones, & Ides" each of which served as a reference point for counting the other days:

Kalends (1st day of the month)
Nones (the 7th day in march, may, july, and october; the 5th in the other months)
Ides (the 15th day in march, may, july, and october; the 13th in the other months)

the remaining, everyday days of the month were identified by counting backwards from the Kalends (origin of calendar - means account book and the first of the month id when bills came due even then), Nones, or the Ides. march 3 would be V Nones > 5 days before the Nones (the roman method of counting days was inclusive) in other words, the Nones would be counted as one of the 5 days.

apparently Romulus didn't like the latter half of any month, since all of the reference days appear between the first and the 15th. this system was also used in the Julian calendar (45 bce) and was in common use through the middle ages right up to the renaissance.

and if that isn't confusing enough, how about the egyptian calendar: the ancient egyptians used a calendar with 12 months of 30 days, for a total of 360 days/year. around 4000 B.C. they added 5 extra days at the end of the year to equate with the solar year. these five days became a festival because it was thought to be unlucky to work during that time.(still trying to find out the why of that one)

the egyptians had actually calculated that the solar year was actually closer to 3651/4 days, but instead of using a single leap year system, they let the 1/4 day accumulate. after 1,460 solar years, or four periods of 365 years, 1,461 egyptian years had passed. this means that as the years passed, the egyptian months fell out of sync with the seasons, so that the summer months eventually fell during winter. only once every 1,460 years did their calendar year coincide precisely with the solar year. but not to worry they had a separate religious calendar based on the lunar cycle, and christmas didn't exist yet :)




March 14, 2007

wed nes day

holy jumpin' catfish batman - i just dumped an entire big robin's mug of coffee on my office carpet! what a mess, soaked as much of it up as i can with some old newspapers.... and the day was going so well!

slipped on ice on way to work
sun is hiding behind clouds and very windy
only had one smoke left
health insurance misfiled my claim for the 2nd time in 3 days
bank processed chq dated for 22nd on 12th and won't have the $back in my account till thurs.
my office chair tips me exactly the wrong way to put pressure on already compressed disk
a relative is quite ill - affecting my kids
banged my forehead on my desk when cleaning up coffee mess(at least it wasn't my nose)
and to add insult to injury - farted in the elevator -

on the bright side my friend Theresa took me to lunch and it was lovely

March 12, 2007

bloody marvelous ...

sunday was kickback and try and figure out how to get my computer to burn a video file onto a DVD that will play in my DVD player. ^*$%#&!@! remember - breathe - so I have now tried 4 - yes 4 burning programs. SuperDVD, Nero, Sonic, WinDVD ... I have however accumulated much info on the manufacture and quality ratings of Cd and DVD blanks and nice new set of shiny coasters. i am not usually technologically baffled but by noon yesterday i had pretty much given up. which truly sucks because i purchased a shiny new DVD player over a month ago SPECIFICALLY so I could watch all the stuff i've downloaded on my tv instead of my laptop.
it was also a very good excuse to sit on my deck and finish one of the books i am currently reading (usually 3 or 4 on the go).

ahh the sun this morning was just bloody marvelous. enough puddles to play in and crackle that fragile ice that forms just around the edges but not wide enough to impede my progress. work went along at a good pace and now i'm done.

smells like genius.

March 10, 2007

la la la

the boyo isn't home, the people are sending phones to voicemail, and the pc just is not holding my attention. the great outdoors is a calling and I think I'll answer. (there's this great freakin HUGE puddle at the end of the block i REALLY need to go jump in. cheers

that new car smell ...

it makes me sneeze! went out new car shopping with Lu today ... good grief charlie brown ... no wonder I don't have a car. Let's see, we looked at a Kia Rio5 @ 22K, sporty but not enough front seat leg room and the Spectra was slightly larger but very "family car" (both have 5yr 100,000K bumper to bumper warranty with roadside assistance) though there will be a "Sport" limited edition coming in in a few weeks, A VW Jetta - great car, solid with nice lines, but more than 28K, a Toyota Matrix (you'd think they'd have better colour selection) which was nice but it uses an alternative gas in the tires (good idea but what happens when you're out in the boonies?) the Honda Fit was best overall, a zippy little sport, great mileage, nice ride, good pick up for a 4 banger, lots of cargo room, much space in front, back and middle. great versatility for seat configuration and a great metallic copper but only a 3 year 60K warranty (bells and whistles but no sunroof). the Honda Civic was nice, had the goodies but though a 2 door looks nice, not too practical when hauling more than 1 tall or descrepit passengers. much for Lu to ponder over.

personally I like the pontiac Solstice ragtop - sweet ride - impractical but a curvy beauty she is.

March 09, 2007

my day off (everyone else's friday ;)

pints with the crew last evening, Robin's birthday, much talking and more laughing and supper was delish.it was so beautiful that many of us were mindful of the need for the deck and the pic-a-nic tables - but they won't be showing up for quite some time yet. at 4 am the geese flying back to Northern Sask woke me up with their honking ... i don't care what the groundhog says, spring is officially here, went immediately back to sleep with a smile in my mind.

woke up at 8:30, fed the cat, had some yogurt and opened the windows to let in the beautiful spring air and sunshine - all fresh and clean - decided it was my day off and promptly went back to nap with the fresh air wafting across my toesies. stupid phone ringing (i am genetically incapable of letting a phone ring - i have a primal prerogative that requires me to determine WHO IS IT?) up now, almost 10, did some chores, handful of little ones, made lunch, did some work on the PC, watered some but not all of the plants, and talked on the phone.

round teatime i walked over to Deb's and managed to circumnavigate all the puddles and most of the slushy stuff, had a coffee and conversation, delightful. walked to Luanne's the long way - just wanted to be outside, played some cards, stood out on her balcony and did some star gazing - man are there a lot of satellites up there now - and has anyone else noticed that the star at the left uppermost point of Orion seems preternaturally bright these days? came home and now it's off to beddy bye. ciao

March 08, 2007

it's friday, I mean my friday, your thursday ...

it's my friday because I have an EDO tomorrow (earned day off) so I get a long weekend.

yesterday I got all caught up on the backlog at work so today I am working on today's incoming. who hoo!

this morning when I woke up at 7am, the sun was shining in my window - ahhhh HUGE sigh of relief, and a smile crept over my face like the grinch when his heart grew. auto sloughing of winter doldrums began. the walk to work was a stroll into the light, and the grin grew. by the time i got to the office it was cheshire.

having reclaimed my generally optimistic outlook, I decided to see if I could wear my glasses today. a light graze of the shnoz proved painless, the bruising just a faint olive tinge under the skin ... what they hey, put them on - a little uncomfortable but no real pain. 3rd homerun of the day and it was only 9am.

it's now 1:30 and the sun shone all through lunch (I was out doing a little goddess worship at noon time) amanda & chris are out unplugging their street drain in an atttempt to allieviate the 3 inches of water already starting to pool at the curb. It's the first spring in the new house so it's better safe than sorry (personally, I think they like to play in the puddles too). I am quite sure that the streets on my way home will be mush when it's time to slog on, but it does not matter because I like to jump in the puddles too. (I told you before I prefer to stay 8 years old).

think I'll get a light jacket and sit on my deck and read a bit - hallelujah the hundred little gods are smilin' on me today.

March 05, 2007

do you know where your head is?

The other day I dropped something when i was cooking and made that fatal GRAB to get it before it hit the floor... and smoked my nose right off the metal edged kitchen counter so hard I ended up on my ass, crying like a baby. almost knocked myself unconscious. BUT i whacked it in exactly the right place not to cause any internal damage, just some superficial swelling and an immensely (ha ha) tender proboscis. can't wear the glasses. maybe i've managed to smooth out the bump i used to have there? i'm just glad that all I got was swelling around the eyes and some slight bruising that is just now coming out across the bridge. still freakin hurts though, and i keep grazing it. maybe it will cure my snoring - now that would be a miracle.

Here are my grandkids riding their bikes new years day :)

Seth:


Devi:

cat talent

I received the most hilarious little video in my mail today. unfortunately I have no idea how to post the video to this blog. please help me.

and schmutzie to the rescue, thank youtoob
the cause of the mysterious water bills ... a cat that knows how to flush the toilet, so it can chase the water all day :)

but because the video is not originally mine, youtube won't let me use it. it was funny while it lasted.

March 03, 2007

the third of the third ...

okay then, was back to work this week - and glad to be there. people starvation had set in solid. it's amazing how just seeing your regular people makes you feel better! still tired all the time though, get home and sleep for 3 hours (which doesn't do a hell of a lot for the sleep pattern) but once i get off the rest of my meds it'll get better. or at least that's the "plan"

my friend Renee wanted to go to "Change for Change" at the exchange (say that 6 times fast) a multi band/dj shindig for a good cause, and a good time had by all. just close your eyes and let the music breathe through you. aahhhhh. soooo much better ... heartbeat of the world ...

love the drum and bass. i was one of the "just wanna boogie woogie oogie till i just can't boogie no more" girls. big surprise there... all music is danceable - is that not the point? a good groove is the physical articulation of exactly who you are at that moment in time, inside is out and the spirit is movin'.

had a great sleep. suffice it to say that I woke up to a wondrous morning. hope everyone has a brilliant day.

February 28, 2007

fuzzy february ...

here it is the last day of february. and I have no idea where the least month has gone. my apologies for the lack of posting. suffice it to say I've been under the weather. back to work this am. hoping all goes well - if you ask my buddies, "stir crazy" truly does not need to be added to my already long list of defects. type atcha later.

February 17, 2007

what time is it?

you wake up in the dark and the alarm clock says 6:30 but you're not quite sure if that's am or pm because you may not have been all that together when you reset it after kicking the electrical cord out of the socket after the cat tripped you on your way around the bed. that's how I felt yesterday. my circadian rhythms seem a tad off kilter. to get them back in order i have stayed up all night and will not nap today so that when i go to bed at 11pm (note to self: remember to check the clock) I will sleep right through until 7am (provided i don't cough myself awake)... that's the plan anyhow.

so i am trying to figure out how to burn an avi onto a dvd so that i can watch it on my TV. i always meant to do this and just never seemed to get "aroundtuit" (had one years ago but it was used as a coaster). First thing i tried was super dvd creator which seemed to preview the movie then hang - maybe i wasn't patient enough. now i'm burning an ISOd movie to see if that works using nero. then i'll go back to learning how to convert the video/audio files when/where required.

i need someone to explain lens attributes to me. apparently my camera will take monochrome pics (nat. geo. photo article) - now i just have to figure out which button/setting/freaking menu option will do the trick. then i need to investigate how to convert to B&W in photoshop (borrowed lu's book). i still haven't played with my tablet yet (can you believe i've had it since december and haven't tried the pen yet?) and there's to much static for me to be mucking about changing out the power supply and the RAM in the tower.

i have this little singing flower doll - squeeze her hand and she sings zippity do dah (several of my friends share this burden) anyway, i carry so much static that a couple of days ago, i turned on my light switch my finger tip lit up like ET with an audible SNAP and it set the damn doll to singing. a little unexpected but stranger things have happened with me and electricity. it happened again later that day and I do have a witness. got out of bed yesterday, which puts me oh - about 3 feet away from the doll - the damn things starts singing and then immediately slows down and drags it out as if someone flipped a record from 45 to 78, and that has now happened three times. guess i'm a cosmic wireless battery :)

enjoy the weekend!

February 13, 2007

laughter doesn't make me sick today ~ WHOHOO!

well I finished my last (3rd) round of antibiotics this morning. I am feeling ALOT better than I was a week ago but I am still hacking. %^&#$@! I am so tired of being sick. at least the earache has been gone now since Saturday. back to the doc tomorrow. heavy sigh ...

on another topic entirely: we were having a discussion of what a "proper" marriage proposal should be, and my kids (son 24 & daughter 27) gave me a couple of ideas. the girl expects some romance in the proposal, whether the couple has been cohabiting or not, and the lack of any attempt at romance is construed as being taken for granted. the boy on the other hand, came up with one that made me just freakin' howl. a marriage proposal means: "please don't let me die desperate and alone, I brought you something shiny." it's bloody brilliant!

we do need to keep in mind that though i am a romantic at heart, through age and experience i've evolved into a practical realist with just a dash of the romantic. what does that mean? it means that i believe in the state of marriage, but i see it as a contract for mutual support by two people that may or may not be based on love, but actually works better if the couple are friends that care deeply for one another. i'll take heart love over romantic love any day. and no i do not think that makes me a cynic.

February 10, 2007

interuptions ...

always when you least need them. however, i am screwing with the code for the page because, as usual, templates are a good foundation but they are as joanne worley used to say, "b-o-r-i-n-g". i'm just happy i haven't broken it yet :)

February 09, 2007

instead of window$ error messages

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.


Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order may return.

Program aborting
Close all that you have worked on.
You expect too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
Try to find it now.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be rekeyed.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

I ate your Web page.
Forgive me; it was tasty
And tart on my tongue.


these just cracked me right up!

ah ha!

i've been feeling sad for some time now. i've been searching all over ... attempting to fill a void that is as impossible to fill as a black hole. avoiding alone time. today i figured out what's wrong. i really miss my mom. it seems like she has been gone forever and just left yesterday. but she's been gone almost 15 years and sometimes i still need her. i talk to her in my head. sometimes if i'm alone i talk to her out loud. no, she doesn't answer me directly, but inevitably the answer comes forward through some other medium. coincidence you say? there is no coincidence.

one of my aunties sent me an email today about living with unconditional acceptance. that is what my mom gave me, that and unconditional love. it truly didn't matter what sort of half assed idiocy i had participated in, she just loved me. not the tidy surface plastic love that is expressed through hallmark greeting cards, but the messy painful jubilant angry when you make the same mistake twice, hopeful that there won't be a third time sort of love that is more rare than anything else you will ever experience. but you won't realize you've found it until you find it in yourself to love yourself that way first or until it is gone.

by my late twenties i was just beginning to get quick glimpses of that profound state of self acceptance. i never seemed to be able to manage to hang onto it for very long. i would get mired down in self pity and guilt for my own behaviours. or i would be trying to get lost, to escape reality for a while. for so many uncountable reasons i did not believe that i deserved that acceptance. what about all the nasty things i had done when i was younger? what about all those people i had hurt, in some cases with fore knowledge of the consequences of my actions? what about the mistakes i had made with my children? there always seemed to be some reason/rationalization/excuse for me not to just love me. i was wrong.

how about this: don't live in the past, learn from it. don't knowingly repeat mistakes, which assumes you will pay attention to what you are doing NOW. use those experiences to inform your future decisions. don't sit around and think about it, put it into action. cease with the deprecating remarks. accept a compliment gracefully. believe in yourself. set some reasonable goals and act on them. surely if you can be compassionate with others, you can spare a spot for yourself.

life is a gift. a gift is supposed to be a good thing. open it now.

ps ~ simple but hardly easy.

February 07, 2007

heartache

has your heart ever been crushed? i’m not talking about a hairline fracture or a momentary crack as another piece breaks off, but the heart rending gut wrenching can’t breathe don’t want to breathe want to disappear pretend it isn’t happening kill something die sort of pain. your chest constricting in physical distress tears in runnels slipping off balance staggering over the edge anchor lost …

ride it out … embrace it … never forget it

it does fade

February 05, 2007

socks . . .

seems a simple title. single purpose items. they usually come in pairs and disappear as singles. available in a rainbow of colours, patterns, materials and styles. stalkings, stay-ups, thigh highs (alias CFMers: those sheer white knit ones the anime girls wear), knee highs, athletics, sports (slightly shorter than athletic), anklets (usually with enough sock to fold nicely over the ankle in question), footlets (with/without pompoms) even half-footlets (covers the ball & toe part of the foot just to the beginning of the instep).

isn't a single sock a sad thing? by itself it is just so much less than half a pair. its partner embarked upon a glorious adventure through dirt water rapids. initiated by that fateful slip over the inner edge of the front loading washer, swallowed. unwillingly distanced from its mate by the pseudo centrifugal force of the dreaded spin cycle. the lonely first tumble through the dryer ... no partner to do the triple walenda with. the heart rending lack of reunion as the single is left to cool on the sorting table - abandoned. unwanted. adrift. perhaps forlornly stuffed into the corner of a drawer unable to avoid the derision of the other duos. or ruthlessly thrust into the "odd" sock bag to suffocate in the forlorn miasma of other survivors.

why should the "odd" ones be left to slowly disintegrate, their elastic to dehydrate, food for moths? there are so many options out there for them. a career as a puppet, a cat toy, a marble bag, glass protectors on moving day, dusting/polishing mitts, Barbie & Ken sleeping bag, door knob warmers, and covers for the track shoes in the gym bag. with a snip and a roll they make great little toques for whistling radiator valves. a single is a free agent not a lost sole. last but not least, it could mate up with another single, so long as they won't be on public display what does it matter? why should it matter if they are on display? two "odd" socks make a unique pair. their relatives the leotards and pantyhose have resolved their separation anxieties through controlled siamese twinning (the shared crotch).

i don't like having to wear socks. for most of my life i have gone sockless, except for really cold winter days in the hinterland. a member in good standing of the leatherfoot tribe, socks were seasonally required accessories. good practical keep-the-tosies-warm socks come first, however one should always have a a few pair of statement socks. donny osmond's statement was to only wear purple socks. not a fan of purple, it's usually the bright or shiny that catches my eye. oh yeah! so my statement is generally "i don't have to grow up" and i have an entire selection of socks with glitter or metallic pumpkins, ghosts, hearts, shamrocks, candy canes and other holiday themes. demure ankle socks with subued earthtones and discreet flowers or plaids for work days (mostly). glove socks and bigtoe nonskid footlets are my faves.

so now i'm gettin' on in years & need to think about "foot health" and circulation and such - heavy sigh. i bid a sad adieu to my funky footwarmers and the search for a replacement team begins. shopping objective: find socks as good as my favorite heavy-but-not-too-heavy 100% cotton, non binding, longer than sport but shorter than athletic, oatmeal hole in the heel, had them longer than my grandchildren have been alive socks. (my socks don't usually get separated - they also don't get to do triple walendas in the dryer because they are confined to a "sock bag", a preventative enclosure meant to reduce the escape rate of restless singletons). i could not find what i wanted. i went to 9 different stores before i settled on some that "would do". 90% cotton, earthtones but no patterns, non binding and designed to increase circulation, happy feet socks. 2 pair each of 5 colours (that way a singleton becomes the "spare"). practical, but not pretty. story of my life.

did you know that Lederhosen are not "hose" at all but leather pants, shorts or knickers supported by built in over-the-shoulder suspenders. does that make hipwaders a sort of "fisherhosen"?

February 02, 2007

friday morning ...

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. got caught up on my daily tasks yesyerday. though I know there are several letters that will claim my attention this morning, I may yet get to some of the project work I have planned. it's funny, we were talking about stress a few days ago and I had made the comment that my job doesn't stress me, yet here I am sort of whining about workload... I think what I meant was that the stress I encounter at work now, is good stress - it challenges me. it isn't the old "bad stress" that I've lived through in several other jobs.

bad stress happens when you are on the edge of burn out. it interferes with your whole life - it affects your eating and sleeping patterns and makes you generally a more nasty individual. you become negative in your attitude and very little makes you happy. you lose the ability to be truly grounded because your foundation is busy peeling & cracking like 50 year old paint on a prairie farmhouse.

I am SO glad that I don't live THERE anymore. have a great weekend!

improvise & overcome

... and why would I choose to associate myself with a term that most used used in a derogatory manner?
In order to change the meaning of a word or create a new meaning for a word, one must own the word. Over time and use the word may evolve to mean other than was originally intended & to that end...
my definition: an independent woman

dictionary definitions:

1. informal term for a (young) woman
2. an unsupervised umarried woman
3. a young woman or girl, esp. a peasant girl.
(usually facetious)
3. a woman servant
4. a wanton woman
5. Archaic: a strumpet
[Origin: 1250–1300; ME, back formation from wenchel, OE wencel child]

synonom :"dame"

acronym:
Women Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness

International Wenches Guild

what do you believe?

Disclaimer

This website is for entertainment purposes only. Advice by trained professionals should always be sought in place of any recommendations or information provided herein. Opinions expressed on this website do not reflect the opinions of the wench’s employers, family, or friends, unless otherwise noted.

Thank you to Schmutzie.com for the text of this disclaimer :)

DON'T STEAL, PLEASE: Please do not copy/paste, or Shift CNTRL C any text or images without wench’s express permission. It is not nice and I would most likely share if you asked. Send me an email to mailto:omanipadmehum@gmail.com