socks . . .

seems a simple title. single purpose items. they usually come in pairs and disappear as singles. available in a rainbow of colours, patterns, materials and styles. stalkings, stay-ups, thigh highs (alias CFMers: those sheer white knit ones the anime girls wear), knee highs, athletics, sports (slightly shorter than athletic), anklets (usually with enough sock to fold nicely over the ankle in question), footlets (with/without pompoms) even half-footlets (covers the ball & toe part of the foot just to the beginning of the instep).

isn't a single sock a sad thing? by itself it is just so much less than half a pair. its partner embarked upon a glorious adventure through dirt water rapids. initiated by that fateful slip over the inner edge of the front loading washer, swallowed. unwillingly distanced from its mate by the pseudo centrifugal force of the dreaded spin cycle. the lonely first tumble through the dryer ... no partner to do the triple walenda with. the heart rending lack of reunion as the single is left to cool on the sorting table - abandoned. unwanted. adrift. perhaps forlornly stuffed into the corner of a drawer unable to avoid the derision of the other duos. or ruthlessly thrust into the "odd" sock bag to suffocate in the forlorn miasma of other survivors.

why should the "odd" ones be left to slowly disintegrate, their elastic to dehydrate, food for moths? there are so many options out there for them. a career as a puppet, a cat toy, a marble bag, glass protectors on moving day, dusting/polishing mitts, Barbie & Ken sleeping bag, door knob warmers, and covers for the track shoes in the gym bag. with a snip and a roll they make great little toques for whistling radiator valves. a single is a free agent not a lost sole. last but not least, it could mate up with another single, so long as they won't be on public display what does it matter? why should it matter if they are on display? two "odd" socks make a unique pair. their relatives the leotards and pantyhose have resolved their separation anxieties through controlled siamese twinning (the shared crotch).

i don't like having to wear socks. for most of my life i have gone sockless, except for really cold winter days in the hinterland. a member in good standing of the leatherfoot tribe, socks were seasonally required accessories. good practical keep-the-tosies-warm socks come first, however one should always have a a few pair of statement socks. donny osmond's statement was to only wear purple socks. not a fan of purple, it's usually the bright or shiny that catches my eye. oh yeah! so my statement is generally "i don't have to grow up" and i have an entire selection of socks with glitter or metallic pumpkins, ghosts, hearts, shamrocks, candy canes and other holiday themes. demure ankle socks with subued earthtones and discreet flowers or plaids for work days (mostly). glove socks and bigtoe nonskid footlets are my faves.

so now i'm gettin' on in years & need to think about "foot health" and circulation and such - heavy sigh. i bid a sad adieu to my funky footwarmers and the search for a replacement team begins. shopping objective: find socks as good as my favorite heavy-but-not-too-heavy 100% cotton, non binding, longer than sport but shorter than athletic, oatmeal hole in the heel, had them longer than my grandchildren have been alive socks. (my socks don't usually get separated - they also don't get to do triple walendas in the dryer because they are confined to a "sock bag", a preventative enclosure meant to reduce the escape rate of restless singletons). i could not find what i wanted. i went to 9 different stores before i settled on some that "would do". 90% cotton, earthtones but no patterns, non binding and designed to increase circulation, happy feet socks. 2 pair each of 5 colours (that way a singleton becomes the "spare"). practical, but not pretty. story of my life.

did you know that Lederhosen are not "hose" at all but leather pants, shorts or knickers supported by built in over-the-shoulder suspenders. does that make hipwaders a sort of "fisherhosen"?