September 27, 2011

one month

and I will be 50 years old.


Good for me, and I will enjoy all the rest of the years I'm given.

I will not let experiences that touch my heart diminish me.

I will not waste the gift that is my life in the refusal to take risks.

I will risk my heart on love in all its forms, it is self healing.

September 19, 2011

ms negativity

that would be me.

work sucks
home sucks worse than work
some of my erstwhile friends are really fucked
way too much drama for this woman
the weather is wet and cold and not in a nice way like a puppy nose.
the damn rads are too noisy
my knees hurt
my ankles are bitchin'
and my heart is an empty freakin void.
my brain is in slomo
my memory is in hiding
and I have so many things I'm supposed to be doing that I can't figure out where to start.

tired. so freaking tired.

September 05, 2011

adulthood sucks

What I really want to do is throw it all in a box and sell it off and run away home to where my heart has decided to stay.

What I have decided to do is to be a grown up, rationally think things through, make the plans, take the time to complete all of the details and hang in there till I can leave with Ts crossed and Is dotted.

Making sure that I am conservative in my risks, that those I leave behind have the least worry over MY future, and know that there will be some principal left for them when I am done and gone.

I thrash in the traces of my own making, tearing at the bit of "get this done first", and trying fruitlessly to buck off the saddle of "be financially responsible". My heart chastises me hourly because I refuse to chase down its missing pieces immediately and brings me often to the brink of tears at random and usually incongruous moments.

Yet here I plod, one step at a time, going through the motions so that when I do finally get to follow my heart it will be a successful venture with out the angst and difficulty there would be if I simply threw it all to the wind and left tomorrow.

No wonder I have days and nights where I cannot sleep, and when exhaustion finally pushes me to the limit I crash and burn.

The only surcease the conversations crackling with transatlantic interference, the joint plans and the continual affirmation that we do what we have to to get what we need and we simply have to keep holding on and move forward until we get there.

And all I want to do right now is throw a big hairy hissy fit. But really, what would be the point?

September 02, 2011


pants. stupid pants. ankle smothering knee covering too much material summer is gone pants.


improvise & overcome

... and why would I choose to associate myself with a term that most used used in a derogatory manner?
In order to change the meaning of a word or create a new meaning for a word, one must own the word. Over time and use the word may evolve to mean other than was originally intended & to that end...
my definition: an independent woman

dictionary definitions:

1. informal term for a (young) woman
2. an unsupervised umarried woman
3. a young woman or girl, esp. a peasant girl.
(usually facetious)
3. a woman servant
4. a wanton woman
5. Archaic: a strumpet
[Origin: 1250–1300; ME, back formation from wenchel, OE wencel child]

synonom :"dame"

Women Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness

International Wenches Guild

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