March 25, 2011

12 more sleeps

Alrighty then. The back has loosened up and seems to be healing in record time. Only one knee took any serious harm this time. Note to self: being very very careful when walking on ice does more harm than ignoring it completely.

The suitcase is mostly packed and presents gathered. The reservations are all confirmed and only have to arrange the pickup from the airport details with Doc, which I will do this weekend. Another week on the island - it's so close I can taste it.

The kitchen project is delayed yet again. C'est la vie. We'll be doing it when I get back. What's another month when you've been waiting 8 years - really?

My dad isn't feeling very well, kidney problems, and it seems like part of it is caused by side effects of a cholesterol medication he's been on longterm, so to make him feel better, they had to take him off the medication, which he has needed since his heart surgery, and which causes other problems. catch 22.

The sun is out again but it is still chilly enough to need gloves till the car warms up. I'll take it - at least it "looks" like it's nice out so it's easier to delude oneself when you are inside gazing out the window.

And on a positive note - I am off to work the last day of the week. Have a great weekend y'all. I am having Kory bbq roast beef with lobster at the Growleys with KD, biff girl and SKD tonight and maybe Eagles Idol Sat nite, with Scrabble on a Sunday with the Malibu and crew.

Have fun!

March 22, 2011

platitudes my ass.

You know those people who smugly mouth meaningless annoying pithy little phrases in response to someone's very real and heartfelt angst? Well fuck them and the horse they rode in on.

Distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder it creates an epic ongoing case of heartburn that no amount of gaviscon can even begin to take the edge off.

It creates an twisted celtic knot of rusting iron in your gut that wrenches your entire being every time you get a text and you don't not want to get the texts because they make up the rope that you are hanging onto.

You promised your old self that you would never allow HAH! yourself to go here again and yet here you are, in an even more complicated situation than you've ever been previously.

The visceral wash of joy upon hearing that voice speaking of the simply mundane spans the distance in a nanosecond leaving you breathless and wanting and you refuse to give that up even though it kills your focus and leaves you as distraught as an 8 year old who has just let go of their prized helium balloon in the middle of wascana park on canada day.

It is NOT fine.

Please grant me the favour of working through my own riotous and perhaps misguided emotional roller coaster without demeaning it and trying to make it less than it is.

March 19, 2011


My baby boy is 28 today. I remember 28. I got married for the 2nd time when I was 28. He was there. He was one happy little 7 year old dude all dressed up in his tux just like the groom. We have him on video doing the fist thrust when were pronounced hitched. I gave him free reign at the buffet and he came back with an entire plate of cheese. He still loves cheese;)

He accrued 3 or 4 belts in karate, was a goalie in soccer and decided competitive fastball was not his thing. Loved kung fu but not scouts and the first book he brought home from the library was a cook book.

He finished grade 12 - on time and without interruption. He has held down a job for the most part since he was in grade 10. He is bilingual. He has a serious work ethic and a passion for both family and food. He's been cooking for a living for 7-8 years and is now THE CHEF at his restaurant Table 10.

He has taught me several things about cooking and broadened my food choices. He likes to feed people and to make the tastiest dishes out of the cheapest ingredients.

He is smart, intelligent, handsome, argumentative (in a good way most days) with a real sense of what awesome actually is.

I am very proud of him. He's turned out well despite the poor choices made by a young mom ;)

March 14, 2011

Dear solaris:

Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you Thank you thank you thank you.


Thank you.

No frost on my windshield. No need for remote start. PUDDLES! No scarf mitts or hats and I think tomorrow will be a NO SOCKS day. People are happier I'm happier, even the bitchy old lady downstairs is happier. Sunshine. Warmth. It was light out when I went to work and still light out after I finished my running around. HUZZAH!!!!!!

I was so freaking productive today that I think I may be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And I got to spend some time talking to my sugar.


March 13, 2011


Startin to feel better which is good cause work will be crazy this week.

Looking forward to my new custom kitchen cabinetry in 2 weeks and another trip in a little over 3.

Looking back on a friendship that has bridged 34 years 5 children between us and a plethora of experience and adventure. Even though we don't talk sometimes for 5 years we always we're there. Vickie's been terminally diagnosed with the big C - a spider tumour, has had the chemo and radiation, lost all her hair and been sick as a dog with all the side effects and STILL is one of the most positive people I have ever known. Spent an hour on the phone with her today and by the 100 little gods she is awesome. And I am ever so thankful for my life.

March 09, 2011

Day 3 - stalker cold

The cold I have been trying to avoid for the last month has finally stalked itself into my head. damn.

It's almost midnite on Wednesday and I have pretty much been sleeping since Sunday except for going to work on Monday. I am SO tired. What a suck I am. The sinuses are clear now, the ears are plugged and aching, the chect is clear 0 I thibk, but man my head is just throbbing and the dry hack won't stop no matter how I medicate it - or how many hunks of garlic or brown sugar onions mustard plasters or whatever I take. blechhhhh. have only been up half hour and it's too long I think. I am canceling thursday and off to the doctor we go with all those other germ spreading sickos in the waiting room. He'll probably tell me to go home rest, advil, soup liquids blah blah blah.


March 08, 2011

belated blogiversary

Perusing old archives I found that my 4th anniversary came and went silently on December 15, 2010.

I was doing reverb and here's what it was: ironically it SO fits.

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

This year has so many memories that 5 minutes just won't cut it, which is but one of the many reasons I am such a camera freak. My friends call me the Archivist ;)

Thus and so:

The juxtaposition of the poshness of the resort with the paucity of choice in the market. FRESH blue mountain coffee. grilled lobster on the beach. tropical downpour. my connection with my planet, guess I'm not alien after all. the grandeur and the intimacy of the ocean. Kory & Bren, biff & SKD, Kerry & Beffie - Marguerita ville and Rick's - too much fun. crispies. airplane rides;) fluffiness. air so heady you can smell the jungle growing. curried goat & jamaican patties.

Deb finished her Diss! Taraarah boomdeay's 30th bday at Malibu's place!Losing my friend John. sworn in at Eagles. Lloyd. St Paddy's where the OHanlons crew migrated to the Abbey for $5 pints and a place where we could smoke without having to wait in line to get back in. Devi's 10th birthday - salon & limo ride. Brad's wedding. penis puppets with Anna. Mur & Nola's open house feed the masses party. Queen review with Stacy. Handsome Joe's 30th bday. Seth's first baseball team winning the City Champs. Castro. Davis Beach and the sanitarium. camping. Goldie's unicorn. Swan River reunion and getting to know Michael. fusion's new website. new teeth. Jase and Dave and wine. karaoke. Murray's new smile. booking my next vacation. painting stuff blue for dad. new clothes a smaller size. Amanda's sunday dinners and Chris' helpfulness.

Found old poetry and older pictures. Brent's 40th. sleepovers with the grands. Brenda running away to Hollywood. made new old friends. the Keg for my bday. lunch at the Creek with Amanda. all the new babies. Anarchy leaving us. Kevin's hardwood floor. Winnipeg with Kory to see Brenda,Solid Gold, Hooters and the crazy cast. grey cup. turning 49 ;)my new kitchen light and plans for kitchen in Feb 2011.

scribbles by dk on 12/15/2010

March 07, 2011

wedding invitations

... and the design for the invites & RSVP cards is complete. Digital copies approved by the bride & groom. Taking cardstock over for approval tomorrow. Cross your fingers.

March 06, 2011

taking back the dance floor

So the crew went out dancing on Saturday, which quickly evolved into Fraturday, for Pretty Girl, Renee and Cameron`s birthdays. Much fun, much dancing, much taking of pictures.

I left my camera on the table for other people to use and went for a smoke.

The camera disappeared.

Not anywhere we could find and not in the lost and found today.

Very very sad. I love that camera - it`s been everywhere with me and there were at least 300 pictures on it that I need. And it has my 16G memory card in it.

Here`s hopin`one of the friends stashed it away cause I wasn`t there and it`ll show up soon.

patterns of sevens: from can you

Years ago when book learning was my thing, it was explained to me that we live our lives in stages of 7 years. Though I hadn't though about this for a long time it just popped back into my brain yesterday and really made me think. Upon some examination here's what I found:
0-7: sucking up everything like a sponge and learning to be a complete little individual
8-14: expanding my horizons, starting to ask the big questions and asserting my independence
15-21: paying the consequences for said independence, 1st marriage & starting my own family
22-28: realized I love the kids but not the dad. singlehood, university, married 2nd potential mr right
29-35: working for a living, changing goals, new career with benefits, trying to work shit out
36-42: back to school, teenagers, kids done, financial goals accomplished, ended 2nd marriage, turned 40, convocated university, realized I'd lost me along the way. workin' on that.
43-49: (I will be 50 this october)made a decision at 43, after after successfully navigating the 1st relationship to end with both my dignity & wallet intact, to step away from the intimate and spend my energy building friendships that would last a lifetime instead. Practicing personal compassion by giving myself room to breathe, make some future plans and find the inside self that has been missing.So I shut down the "lookin for a man" vibe for a long time - 6 years, invested myself in some really great friends and have been LIVING life for me.

A year ago I took my 1st real vacation ever with the attitude that it was a gonna be a party. It was and I certainly got my groove back. All the little pieces of me that had fallen by the wayside, the ones that I had given away by choice - or had been taken, and especially the tiny most important bits that I had tucked away inside and forgotten how to find came back to me all in one fell swoop. I changed, apparently overnight, even my friends commented upon it. I was reconnected to the great planet as I hadn't been since my teens. My internal 8 year was once again alive and well. And all those womanly bits - not the mother ones, the other ones were knocking down the door. So I allowed for some temporary indulgence and found that the extremism I experienced in younger years wasn't so much any more.

I had developed a distance between the heart and the physical - who'd of thought? Now don't get me wrong - I am totally a touchy feely physically grounded sorta woman but it usually came with some serious sentimental attachments. I had divested myself of that connection, a true relief and found myself capable of maintaining both my true friendships and an ongoing physical relationship without losing my head, heart, or sense of direction.

50 and beyond
(i`m just about there)
So now I had what I wanted - right? We'll go with that. I was happy and successful for the most part, and thankful, truly, about where I was in my life. I was making plans and watching them come to fruition before my eyes. My children were growing into better places for themselves, retirement plans began to grow, career choices were slowly becoming more available, I had a large group of friends that always keep me busy and laughing albeit with the odd touch of drama here and there, I have lots of options.

And then I took my 2nd vacation of my life. Back to the island, where the moment I stepped outside of the airport I was assaulted by a physically dizzying and heartfelt sense of HOME. Like when I went to my grama millie's when I was young, and as still happens every time I step into the farmhouse on the homestead in Swan. It is a visceral smackdown that tells you "you are where you are supposed to be" felt from the roots of your hair to the tips of your toes. And it was exactly the same as it had been the year before. I could feel my heart settle into the land, my whole body connect to everywhere else all at once, spidey senses tingling and synapses firing like AK47s. My nirvana.

The trip this year was about the framily I had made on the last visit, sharing cooking secrets with Anette, authentic Jamaican cooking for fancy baking, eating together on Sundays, singing and dancing and enjoying time spent with people who walk into your heart and fill it up, long conversations about beliefs and politics, really learning about each other's cultures. Time spent simply lazing in the sun and relaxing without any other particular goal in mind except to enjoy each other's company.

And then my friends interfered with my plans.

After Doc & Brent had already been chatting about me to one of Doc's friends, and after Anette had been talking said friend up to me, she physically pushed me out the house laughing all the way, to go and talk to him because he was interested in meeting me. He had apparently seen me in and out visiting and wanted to know who that woman was. I tried to explain that wasn't the purpose of my holiday, that I was quite happy with my independence, I wasn't looking for a good time or any entanglements, but no - all of my arguments fell on completely deaf ears and she simply grinned at me, Doc and Brent laughing all the way, "it's just a conversation".

Intuition? An understanding of parts of myself that I have been studiously ignoring? Perhaps the fear that maybe what I really wanted was that which I refused to look for. I had long ago decided that if it showed up on my doorstep fine, but I was NOT putting myself out there, and NOT going to be the one to make any kind of first move in that general direction ever again.

Too late now.

We both looked each other directly in the eyes through the barbed wire bean growing fence that divided his yard and Doc's, started to talk at the same time, and laughed like silly children with our hands touching in the cookie jar. It was a long conversation.

Both of us direct, bare bones, this is who I am and I am comfortable with exactly who I am. History is, unless it impacts the now. Why aren't either of us attached, because neither of us willing to settle and we know what we want: truth, love, passion, intelligence, laughter, music, creativity and drive. A discerning combination and almost impossible to find. Fifteen minutes in we were making ground rules for something that didn't yet exist. In fact, at the same time, "I don't share" was out our mouths. Silence. He suggested we go out and talk & asked for my number, I handed him my phone with "yes but you will have to call me, I'm old school", he laughed and said he would. And the conversation continued for about an hour and then Anette was calling me for supper and Brenda & Kory arrived, and I had no idea what I had just gotten myself into.

3 hours later Kory and Brenda headed back to town, my phone rang as the car pulled out of the yard, did I want to go to a little place in Good Hope? Nope, not going to a strange township with a man I don't know in a foreign country even if he is a long time friend of the framily. But I wanted to. He called back 15 minutes later, suggested another place closer and explained that he had already arranged for Doc to go with us as a chaperon so I would feel safe. Damn.

I had just hung up when Doc walked in laughing from driving the kids home, and he laughed even harder when he looked at my expression. Fluttery like a school girl, that hasn't happened for decades, and could not keep the grin off my face. Apparently when you stop looking the universe provides.

A nice little place with a pool table so we had something to do while we danced the little dance, Doc grinning from his stool. The touches that aren't, but are so much more at the same time, the easy sway of a hip in passing that made him lose his shot, a breath on my neck that made my heart stop and I missed mine. After 3 games neither one of us could play anymore so we took our drinks out to the steps and just talked into the evening, completely forgetting that Doc was even there until he plopped himself down, took a look at us and asked if I was ok. "Completely," so he told Ivan in all seriousness that he was responsible for me and I am family. Ivan promised to get me home and Doc left us to the night.

I think we sat on the steps for another hour or so intensely questioning each other like preparing for a jeopardy tournament, and every time someone went in or out of the pub his arm would snake around my shoulders until it just stayed there. "Let's go somewhere else", and we were off to a friend's music yard with an outdoor bar and speakers as tall as I am. He introduced me to some of his friends, and some lovely old gentlemen who were all just characters and atrociously flattering ;) He spun a couple of tunes while i listened and then we danced in the grass until a few slow ones came round when we just swayed, me leaning back on him, his arms wrapped around me breathing in my hair like it always had been, and all my alarm systems stonecold silent. Effortlessly in tune, singing to me all the while but changing the words, sparks almost visible at every point we connected.

And then I had him drive me home.

You know that hollywood kiss that melts knees and oh so many other wild and wonderful places, where he holds you just right and everything fits the way it's supposed to with no awkwardness nd your breath is gone and you totally lose yourself in it till you have to come up for air. Yeah, that's the one.

And I said goodnight baby. Call me.

And he did ...

March 02, 2011

Letter to mother earth:

Just because you're omnipotent does not mean you have to be such a cold-hearted bitch. Really.

-31 and cold enough with the wind chill that the weather dudes don't even want to post how cold it, is not a great way to make people happy in the morning.

Do you think you could see your way into having a hot flash or two and direct it our way please.

... from a prairie popsicle

improvise & overcome

... and why would I choose to associate myself with a term that most used used in a derogatory manner?
In order to change the meaning of a word or create a new meaning for a word, one must own the word. Over time and use the word may evolve to mean other than was originally intended & to that end...
my definition: an independent woman

dictionary definitions:

1. informal term for a (young) woman
2. an unsupervised umarried woman
3. a young woman or girl, esp. a peasant girl.
(usually facetious)
3. a woman servant
4. a wanton woman
5. Archaic: a strumpet
[Origin: 1250–1300; ME, back formation from wenchel, OE wencel child]

synonom :"dame"

Women Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness

International Wenches Guild

what do you believe?


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