5x20 questions

In lieu of any brilliant discussion I will take Madame Diva's lead and answer 100 misc. questions about myself. Thank you Diva baby, cause the brain is about dead.


1. How old will you be in five years?
51

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Myself, we all had a great time.

3. How tall are you?
I used to be 5'7" but apparently gravity and centrifugal force are not my friends and I have shrunk to 5' 6 1/2"

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Having a knee that works, a leg that supports me and getting back to work.

5. What's the last movie you saw?
The Bucket List - laugh till you cry and then laugh through the tears.

6. Who was the last person you called?
Mandy, my dotter.

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Chris for Murray's new number.

8. What was the last text message you received?
Rod crackbooked me one "That's beatiful" about a limmerick I wrote the other day.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Paul, Deb's son about last minute moving arrangements.

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
I do not text, but I email.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
In the shower.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Divorced when I was 14 and both remarried.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Over 15 years ago at her funeral, or her picture right by the phone at least 10 times a day.

14. What color are your eyes?
Blueish to greenish depends on what I'm wearing and how I'm feeling.

15. What time did you wake up today?
6 and went backto sleep until 7:45

16. What are you wearing right now?
My favorite jammies

17. What song are you listening to right now?
Iggy Pop - Shades.

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
On the beach/deck.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Lawyer's.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Lhasa, Kathmandu, Daramsala, Bangkok, Bora Bora, Bali, the South Pacific, Australia, China, Japan, Jerusalem, Amsterdam, British Isles.

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Making retirement travel plans and at My grandotter's grade 12 grad.

22. Where is your cellphone?
Gone gone gone - I only like them when I want to use them.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
I didn't, I had an imaginary friend that kept watch.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Robin's last comment on crackbook. I laugh alot.

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
1 - Living room.

26. How big is your bed?
Big enough ;)

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Multiples.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Living alone naked, with room mates - Tshirt or jammies

29. What color are your sheets?
French floral.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
1 body pillow, 4 reg pillows and 2 peach softy chenille pillows that my grandkids and my son are always trying to nab.

31. What is your favorite season?
Summertime ... an the livin' is eeeasyyyyy.

32. What do you like about fall?
My birthday and hallowe'en.

33. What do you like about winter?
Irish coffee and fireplaces.

34. What do you like about the summer?
Heat and the deck.

35. What do you like about spring?
Packing away the socks.

36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
3 - Sk, Mb, Ont for the most part.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Winnipeg Brandon Fort Frances Neilberg Estevan Regina Saskatoon (and a couple of weeks each in a variety of others)

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
bare feet. I got to wear bare feet 4 times in February - WHOO HOO. Just be sure to moisturize.

39. Are you a social person?
I am a social butterfly.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
Vanilla yogurt - Activia.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
The one at the Bali Hilton.

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Mayan CHocolate - Hagen Das

43. What is your favorite dessert?
dkz death by chocolate cheesecake and donnakayke which is this frozen lemony cream pound cake that tastes like lemon merengue pie, homemade fisheye pudding and buttertart pie.

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Homemade. Seafood chowder especially with giant scallops.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Homemade raspberry.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
Real or North Americanized? I do not like chicken feet.

47. Do you like coffee?
Dark and thick.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
6-8

49. What do you drink in the morning?
A glass of water, Sunrype fruit and veggie juice, then coffee.

50. What was the name of your first pet?
It was a rabbit, and I don't know (3years) and then a pony (also don't know)

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I sleep all over the bed.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
Yup.

53. Do you like to cuddle?
Don't you?

54. Have you ever been to Mexico?
Alas I have yet to make it to Senor Frog's.


55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Oh yeah, start with coffee and chocolate.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Home, I cook.

57.Where is #57?
On the Heinz 57 steak sauce bottle.


58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Only one.

59. Do you want kids?
Not yours, do you want mine?

60. Do you speak any other languages?
English, pigdin, drunkish alittle French, a soupcon of italian and I know how to swear in swedish gaelic german hindi parsi and chinese. Love languages.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
Last ones were for my knee surgery in January.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yes, after a car accident when I was 15.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Ocean

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Plane-window, anything else the aisle.

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
Yup.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
My grnads and my friends and electronica.

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
My earrings, 8 of them anyhow.

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Toss up, if there's dancing singing or humour involved ... and my guilty secret "What Not To Wear"

69. Can you roll your tongue?
Oh yeah!

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
That's a toughie because the crew I hang with are pretty hilarious.

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
tNo, unless the grandkids are over, they bring their own.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
It's a wall phone, it sounds like a phone.

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
All gone.

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
The Official Scrabble dictionary.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
yes, until I rinse.

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Doesn't matter.

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
A bear, I have a better chance of getting away.

78. Do you flirt a lot?
Not really.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I don't eat them, but chicken fingers get mayo.

80. What is your favorite food?
Seafood, wild meat and creamy sauces.

81. Do you know how to change the oil in a car?
Yes, I used to do my owncar maintenance.

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yes 2. One they threw out and the other I worked bingos to pay off.

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Sure when I shared a car.

84. What is your usual bedtime?
What is usual?

85. What was the last book you read?
A feast for crows: Gearge Martin

86. Do you read the newspaper?
At work, otherwise I get news from TV or online. I like trees.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
The Ikea annual catalog

88.Where is #88?
Right here.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
no

90. Do you dance in the car?
Everwhere.

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
The community radio station on the net, but I can't remember the call letters

92. Who's in the picture frame closest to you?
Framed, my grandkids, unframed Einstein.

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
There once was a lonely olf witch
Whose fingers had a terrible itch
She soaked and bemoaned them
Honed and beboned them
and now she's a witch of a bitch.(I know, still inprogress)

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
Gardenia

95. What is your favorite board game?
Come on, only one - how about a theme: wordgames

96.Where is #96?
She left when agent 99 did

97. When was the last time you attended church?
About 6 weeks ago, before I had the knee fixed.

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Mr. Brown - the best "think out of the box" art teacher

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
About 10 days - much fun.

100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
Renee who brought me this beeYOOtiful scarf and let me beat her at scrabble.

possibilities:

The Tv actually made me think. One of my favorite topics for discussion, how do you get into heaven ... if there is one? Inevitably someone gets passionate about their belief. Reaction intensity seems to be a reflection of that which one believes and describes what is truly the priority for that person.

One Ancient Egyptian belief was that at death one presented oneself at the "Gates of Heaven" and entry was dependent upon the lately alive's response to two simple questions:
1. Have you found joy in your life?
2. Has your life brought joy to others?
I really like those questions. What a brilliant way to value a life well lived.
Hmmmm...

5 on the 27th: children (late - bygones ;)

1. I see you attempting to make your life sustainable and you make me proud. Every wandering step taken towards independence puts you that much closer to your goals. Well most of the time, but 2 steps forward and 1 back still takes you forward. Sometimes the path to your goals seems unending and fraught with roadblocks, they are not insurmountable. Remember, I love you all ways and always.

2. You treat your mother with less respect than a nonsmoker for a cigarette butt flicked randomly out the window from a passing vehicle, and then cry the blues when your life tumbles once again into the abyss of your own addictions and self-delusion. You scream and cry like a five year old child demanding assistance without once considering the feelings or other responsibilities of those trying to provide you with a solution. You are a bitter and twisted soul and need to realize that your answers are inside yourself should you ever find the cohones to wade into that valley of personal darkness. You believe you are the center of the universe, get over yourself, you're not that important.

3. You can only be the best mom you can be and you are a good one. You participate in every facet of their lives and seek to instill ethical values that will allow them to reach their greatest potential. You KNOW that the structure you are attempting to provide will stand them in good stead in the future. You love them and they see it in your words and actions, and though they may not appreciate limitations now, they will in 20 years or so. Just remember you cannot be everything, yet you are everything to them and to me.

4. Undemanding and unpretentious you plug along and are now beginning to reap the rewards of your own efforts. You have succeeded in completing the first few hurdles and now reach for the unknown future with heart and mind. While it is good to reference the past for lessons learned, do not let it way lay your intentions, and keep your eyes on the path in front of you. When I think of you and all you have and will achieve it makes me smile. Remember that your mommy loves you as do I.

5. You hold onto past history like a dog worrying a favorite bone. Then in all of your righteous glory but without any corroborating FACT, you assume an act was not only purposeful but premeditated. After maligning my character with others, over a month later you still had not breathed one word of your discomfort to me, nor given me a chance to explain. To ice the cake you ignore my apology and in doing so treat me as if I am less than nothing. Please just ask yourself WHY would I do such a thing, I do not treat people like that.

overprocessing

Have you ever seen the Movie "My Girl?" It was made before McCauley's ego got the better of him. A corny but poignant story of a little girl lost. I've seen it several times and every single time my eyes leak, my heart cracks and sadnees creeps in on its silent deadly little feet.
My granddotter (7 almost 8) came for a sleepover tonight and brought two movies, "My Girl" and "Little Mermaid 2". She wanted to watch My Girl, and I was all for Little Mermaid 2. I didn't want to watch My Girl, actually I just did not want to ride the emotional roller coaster but there was simply no swaying her. She loves that movie and it doesn't make her cry. I don't get it.
At the age of 7 she would rather watch a story about an 11 year old girl (Veda) whose mom died just 2 days after she was born and is afraid that she is the one who killed her, who lives with her dad the mortician who prepares dead people in the basement and is more comfortable with them than live people, her grandma whose mind has wandered off alone and belts out 30s torch songs randomly, whose crush on her teacher is revealed and immediately destroyed on the same day her best friend is buried, when the last thing she did to her best friend was push him down and tell him off because she just got her first period...
Though it does end fairly well it amazes me that themes of loss and fear engage my granddotter so. After I sat down and thought about it, I realized that she cannot possibly see what I do in the movie as she does not have MY life experience, she's only 7. What she probably sees is best friends, bike rides and tree climbing, a family that cares and a new mom for Veda. Then maybe she sees a little about how to deal with loss and that death is a part of life.
So I asked her this morning what it was about the movie that she loved so much.

Direct quote, "Veda is so cool and she lives in a house with her dead mother and grandma who sings any time she feels like it."

My lesson in over processing relates to the difference between innocence and experience and how as adults we just make things too complicated.

leftovers

My knee keeps itching on the outside which it should not be doing at this point. I took a loofa to it in the shower (no baths yet as I don't think I'll be able to get up and out) and lo and behold what do I find? A white surgical stitch embedded in the skin. Now they told me that the stitches were dissolving ones - really. However I did rip a stitch out when I woke up before they got the throat tube out, at which point I ENTIRELY freaked right out on the table since I thought I was suffocating/dying and was trying to yell arms waving and pull tubes and get off the table and trying to kick people - and it apparently took 3 people to hold me down until they could get some more sleepy juice into my system.
The point being that this must be the emergency fix it up stitch that I have found. Today is 1 month since the surgery and neither doctors, surgeons nor physiotherapists (ALL who have had a better view of my knee up close and personal) ever mentioned having to have it removed. After a consultation with the professor it was off to the medicinal cabinetry, find the puller outers and with a few good yanks, voila, I set it free.
I need to get out of this house. It's been a rough couple of days and I need to see some sunshine. Handy cane and I, along with the professor are going out to find some sunshine, maybe share a greasewheel and ponder the magnificence of the bubbles at the bottom of a genius. It has been too long.

witsend ... & it wasn't a long trip

I thought I had it together.
The body is healing well albeit slowly. The financial house is gaining relative order, also going slowly. The weightloss is following suit. I am still in the process of stopping smoking - more like a "slowdown" there as well. Hmmm sounds like a theme.
Today it seemed like hours were minutes and that months and years had simply flashed by without notice. Have you ever noticed that when loss is imminent everything except your focus comes to a semi standstill? Conversations lapse midstream as your concentration falters. A ringing phone puts your heart into your mouth so you can barely choke out hello. Surrounded by your friends you find yourself transmogrified to a a great lump of useless nothing on a dark grey plain, anchorless with an endless expanse of quicksand awaiting your solitary steps, but not for long.
One of the voices within urging for optimistic "It'll be okay", with Baal's nasty sprite chuckling behind his grubby little paw "for now..." Torn between the morbid anticipation of pain to come and the release of loss.
Strident laughter false and twisted, meaningless smiles meant to sooth or comfort, and the bitter truth that it is a selfish goad that prods those sore spots nurtured over decades. I want I need. Self-recrimination " I should have could have," but did not. Questions gnawing for release at the back of your throat, bile almost thrusting them into a public forum before you will have to live with them unanswered.
Self-control that brightest of virtues and most virulent measure of self-immolation. The burning drive to keep the lid on a boiling emotional cauldron knowing that you are burning yourself in order to protect others from suffering an eruption of your repressed rage.

And it's only a maybe. wtf.

winter wonderland

... so long as you aren't trying to drive a vehicle or walk anywhere Hah! By the hundred little gods it's white out there. At least the temperature isn't too bad though it'll be frosty tonight and tomorrow.

Damn, I have to be at the hospital tomorrow at 8am to do the post-op with my surgeon ... think I better put in a time call for the taxi this evening.

I had run out of several grocery items and determined that I would make a foray to the grocery store this morning. Stretch the knee a bit you know. DUMB DUMB DUMB. By the time I had worked my way to the frozen food section I wanted to grab a bag of peas and duct tape them to my knee. I also discovered that it is extremely difficult to determine where curbs are, even WITH the cane, when there is 12 inches of snow covering everything. Oh yes, and just how did I think I was getting the freaking bags up the stairs ???? so I paid the cab driver to do it, though he grumbled all the way about not being a delivery service, at least they made it to the house and I could drag them down the longhall to the kitchen.

The savory scent of home made spaghetti sauce is wafting through the office now, and it is making me hungry. Patience, it needs to simmer a few hours to be really tasty.

Happy Valentine's Day to y'all

savia's revenge ;)

In return for tagging my friend Saviabella with the 7 strange or weird list she has tagged me with the following:
Pick up the nearest book at least 123 pages in length. Go to page 123, find the 5th sentence and post the next 3 sentences.

Selected Prose: T.S.Eliot
The 6th sentence begins on page 123, included its entirety;
"One is when we isolate him, when we try to understand the rules of his own game, adopt his own point (end of page, flipping to 124), of view; the other, perhaps less usual, is when we measure him by outside standards, most pertinently by the standards of language and of something called Poetry, in our own language and in the whole history of European literature.

All good things for the Savia as she undergoes jaw surgery in toontown! Now I am off to Tag some others and spread the wealth.

Abigail
That girl
Pop Culture Sculpture
FlowerGirl
Schmutzie

7 random or weird things about the wench

my friend schmutzie tagged me with this

The rules are as follows:

Link to the person who tagged you

Post the rules on your blog.

Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.

Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.

7 random or weird things about the wench

1. MMmmmm, peanut butter on hot dogs.
2. Alias: empress of organized clutter.
3. I am revising my kitchen reno plans once again.
4. I am very proud of my sister Patty.
5. I broke my arm on the first day of summer holidays at the end of grade two. I had this clunkity plaster cast all summer. I saved the cast, took it to school for "Show & Tell" but wore it at school for 2 weeks before I was caught. I was 7.
   
6. I think my most vulnerable weakness is needing to be needed. I find it very hard to say no.
   
7. Having read several comments from respected sources, I am reintroducing the use of Capital letters. For those who know, thanks for the suggestions.
   

The following people are now officially tagged:

Abigail

Knuckletoes

Pocket Buddha

That Girl

Saviabella

La Diva

Smyrish

ye gods & little fishes

whine whine whine (insert favorite cusswords here)

Knee bone connected to the hip bone my ass, no really - it is a pain in the ass. As the hip socket works to deal with the changes to the way my knee is seated ... holy crap ... it feels like my hip is right out of joint. No one told me about this. Nor did anyone think to warn me that after the knee starts to feel just a bit better that I would start to get charlie horses in my calf and that the front of my shin would get this burning sensation. No, nothing is wrong, that is just the HEALING PROCESS. Meh!

Yesterday I could not get comfortable for more than 10 minutes and I felt like the wolf who drags its hind leg with the trap still attached to it. I'm bored, I'm bitchy, and I miss my friends.

Have you ever noticed that the smell of clean laundry induces sleep? I want a lemon filled honey dipped bismark from Safeway (another whine). Who else detests Window$ Vi$ta - what a load of crap. It's very hard to provide tech support for an OS that a) you haven't used b) don't want to use c) the user keeps clicking ahead without telling you what they have done and you are not on a vidphone.

made the stairs

I did have to rest at the landing though. Think I did too much, didn't consider the uneven terrain.

Random chaos.

ciao

end of week 2

The moon must be full/empty. I just got the sleep cycle turned back around and it went all awry once again. Up all night, falling asleep in the morning and then up around noon. Semisomnolent. Is that a word? Yes it is (sometimes I get lucky.)

My nemesis the dreaded staircase is on the todo list as I have to go outside. It appears that when one joint's seat is adjusted all the others that are connected are a tad resistant to change and apparently need to be beaten into submission. Down will be okay but I'm not sure about up.

Another strange come-uppance is my body's unconscious sway/tilt to the right when I step off the healing leg. Even my body is silently protesting the bendage of said supposedly bendy part. I find myself having to pay particular attention to step properly and keep myself verticle instead of the Pisa-like lean I temporarily acquire. I would imagine the gait looks something like a temple tent on the back of a camel going uphill over a dune while trying to outrun a sand storm, or perhaps I am practicing the zombie shuffle ... yeah, real graceful.

There IS a limit of too much interweb. It is a constantly varied limit for each individual and you will know it when you have reached it, hopefully before you have passed it. Subsequently the interweb can also offer hours of communication, entertainment, information, and mindless occupation when used in moderation.

I decided I have to release my dream of a hermitage in the Himalyas/Himalayas or a trek to Lhasa (ah grand self delusions), not ever going to happen. I wonder what it was that prompted me to add that to the wish list so long ago? Escape surely... reminders of choices made, that long sought freedom that looks so possible when we are young, yet seems more intangible with every breath.

... my my, where did those filters go?

one week later

I just realized I missed my 5 on the 27th (Abigail & I decided that was the limit we could successfully accomplish with regards to the 365 project)so I will catch up on that shortly.

the bandages are off, there do not appear to be any complications externally though the incision site has been a little warm since yesterday and I think I may have a low grade fever - ice ice baby. will keep an eye on it as the last thing that I need now is a suprainfection. el doctoro warned me that i may take a little longer than normal to heal and i need to exercise my patience.
i'm using a cane and can now take small but shuffling steps to get myself around. the knee still feels kind of smushy when i stand on 2 feet so I will take the expert's advice, "if it hurts stop". i also tried to do a couple of stairs - it felt like the knee was going to smuch sideways or collapse entirely and there were some new strange noises emitting from it - which kicked in my fear of falling down the stairs and wrecking my knee entire, so that will have to wait a bit yet - which sucks because the stircraziness is starting to set in.
enough of my whining, suffice to say that it continues to improve.

my belated 5:

Mr. Brown you were the best art teacher I ever had. You saw that I was bored and took the time to teach me all kinds of skills not included in the curriculum - from charcoal, pastels and pen and ink to silk screening and painting with water colours, oils and washes on an unending variety of textures. My creative urge thanks you 30 years later, I'm still adding to the pot.
Mrs.Orsted I can only hope that this generation has English teachers that engage students the way that you did. When someone was having trouble grasping what you were trying to get across, you simply found a different means to describe it. i remember the video productions from that year's novels (before computers) that you had us do as one of the best parts of my education.
Madamoiselle Brezdan you lit a fire under me that still drives me today to better understand other languages and cultures, and it was your influence that led me to enroll my children in French Immersion, which my grandchildren are currently also participating in.
to the nameless Mount Argosy skiing instructor who showed us the basics, put us on the tow rope and did not really explain hoe to GET THE HELL OFF. I ended up at the top of the advanced hill. who had never down hill skied before, and by sheer unadulterated luck and perhaps some assistance from the hundred little gods, managed to make it to the bottom going so fast that i got stuck in the snow wall at the bottom of the hill missing only one pole, 1 mitt and 2 of my nine lives. what the fuck were you thinking buddy?
Dr Ambrosi, you showed me that good science done accurately can overcome ingrained gender bias and teach both old dogs and young pups new tricks (though i still chuckle at the vision of you in your elmer fudd hat).

from the featherbed

as y'all know I had a wee bit of surgery done to my knee Tuesday afternoon, and today I get to have a shower ... if I can get my leg over the edge of the bathtub that is. thank all the hundred little gods for that because there are bits of residual stickiness from bandaids and monitor pads etc that are itching like crazy and never mind that my hair feels like I've been into grandpa's brylcream.

using a nice solid chair as a walker is a gazillion times more useful than crutches and I made it to the kitchen this am - slow but steady. since I haven't been able to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time I decided to forgo the pain meds in the middle of the night. on one hand, I woke up for a few minutes, made the decision and went back to sleep (I'm calling it 5 hours in a row) delightful! on the other hand, i was informed upon waking exactly how much it did hurt (more than I thought it would and yes I know I sound like a whiny baby) and could point to exactly where it hurt instead of just a general ache in the whole knee area. not as bad as I thought, but more than I am willing to put up with med free.

the stairs are definitely out for a while, and until then I am hermitized.

the hospital told me to call my surgeon's office to make a post-op appointment - I was too medstupid on Wed, Thurs there was no receptionist, and this morning when I called, the answering service notified me that the office is closed until Monday. figures. have to call again on monday.

happy bday to amanda, anna, dale and chris - as well as happy anniversary to the A&C. celebrate for me too!

the dreaded hospital

I have had several horrendous visits and in an attempt at optimism, keep hoping and glory be delilah - i was quite pleasantly surprised!
they called me to come in hours early, great home sooner. less than 10 minutes at registration.
with nurses cracking jokes and being kind and doctors who listened (and this was before the silly juice) and tickety boo the show is on the road ...
i woke up in recovery around 1 - I think. successfully found the calcium chunk that was floating - really teeny compared to the pain it has caused and scraped away the arthritis build up - should be waaaay better than the original;) and was discharged by about 2:30 or so - little hazy there.
i am comfortably ensconced in a nest of pillows, tired but eternally grateful for my dotter and my friends who look after me in spite of myself.
going to sleep now.
ciao

heh heh heh

'You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in
America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."

Chris Rock, comedian2-28-07

all riiigghhtt nooooww ...

it's monday an' ise still singin'. mayn't be in tune, words mightn't be right, but it comes straight from the heart. thankee miss stacy.

I did manage to kill the flue virus thursday night though there was some question for a bit there if I would survive the cure ... deb is still laughing ...

do you remember/know a band called War? they wrote spilled wine, low ryder, and why can't we be friends along with a shwack of tunes i had forgotten were theirs. late 60s early 70s - hornsdrumsbass funkadelic getyourgrooveon shakeyourbooty can'tstopmenow music. the sound they have is the sound that djs seek using vinyl instead of instruments. i almost wasn't sure if i wanted to go to the concert - based on the destruction of some REALLY great memories after I went and saw April Wine a year and a half ago - kind of like open casket funerals - that last visual overshadows all the rest for sooo long.

HOWEVER - i had a damn fine time, and the larger part of a crowd that ran from twenty something to hmmmm - I'm guessing late 60s? caught the groove and was stompin' and clappin and snappin' and chair dancing for the entirety of the show(they had tables where the dance floor is supposed to be which really sucks). and there was simply no going home once the feet were in gear so it was off to the pub ...

all night long i was getting flashbacks of history that I hadn't thought about in forever. i remembered names for boyfriends from over 30 years ago whose faces were the only things i still remembered and along with it came how they made me feel - all spring chickeny. whole conversations sprang to life in my brain and i could follow those decisions i'd made and where it led me - so i could actually see where i had made the WRONG choices and distance let me see why. the whole thing was really funkin' cool.

when i was a child (4-12) i was HUGE on sunday morning church. mostly it was a sense of belonging that drew me - i usually went to whatever church my current set of friends went to (we moved cities/provinces every 2 years or so while i was growing up). denomination didn't really matter, i was great at memorization and most of the messages were the same. in fact i remember for a while when we lived in Fort Frances Ontario, i was in the United Church choir and the CGITs (Christian Girls In Training- kind of like girl guides) while at the same time i attended the RC church for 8 oclock mass with my friends the Forans, and myself and a few friends (Grade5&6) created a free/modern dance club on Saturday mornings in the small basement hall at the Baptist church. (i was baptized presbyterian) .... getting lost here....

focus: sunday i went to church with Miss Stacy. and i rediscovered that sense of community that i usually only access when i'm with the crew, in a place where joy and release are the goal and music is the path. i was given confirmation that so many of the things that i have set aside remain set aside. i have not picked them back up and that is a huge goal attained for me. and it was FUN and JOY filled, and i am quite looking forward to next week. now i will have to work on the few stubborn ones that i just don't seem to really want to give up... by the hundred little gods we people are stupid! let it go girl!

so here it is monday - and like James Brown says - I feel goood!!!!

finally back to work

you know i'm sick when the blog lays lost in the interwebs and the crackbook status line doesn't change, and i get behind in my scrabulous games.

semi human today - part rock, part wookie

ttyl

day 2 of the newest year

the crew all chipped in and had a New Year, Darrell's bday, Dana's bday and tossed in KevinH's bday for good measure new year's eve. hosted at D&J's, they invited us all in and Jillie even lifted the "don't smoke in the house ban" on account of the cold. the hot tub was a wash but the guitar hero competition in the basement raised both the floor and the roof ;)

plenty of tasty bits and horse durvers - snacks and salads - great company and fun with the family we got to choose. like any other family we have our own dysfunctional members (most of us) and we look after each other when there is a difficulty. there were about 30 of us before the kidlet count and there were over a dozen MIAs!(and sorely missed they were)

man - it was LOUD! and the basement was even louder (like a wedding at the farm) ... heh heh heh - must be gettin' old. the birthday songs were sung, if slightly off key (like many of our jokes) and WTF? - we couldn't find a count down on the TV at midnight. so we improvised as usual and did it twice, with extra midnight kisses all around. when I left around 3am, a few people had roused from their little power naps, the upstairs crew were chillin, the kitchen was like a campfire chat and the basement was still rockin' out.

up early round 8 or so and got the laundry done, started on making arrangements for when i go in for the knee fix, put away my presents THANKEE THANKEE & made the traditional new years day calls. waited for my ride to show up at noon to go to Earl's for margarita's - but no go, must have been catching up and I was not going to be the one to wake her. decided to start the new year with a clean house and washed some floors, cleaned my room, & took the tree half down (you need to realize that it takes 2 people over 3 hours just to hang the decorations never mind the garland and the lights) which i will attempt to finish tonight.

went to be early but could not get to sleep so i read until some ungodly hour of the morning... and now it's off to the first day of work in this new year (1 more and I get an extra week of paid vacation) and i cleared most of my desk before I left on Monday. yay me!

the best of years to everyone in 2008!

blogging for a year review:

change is eternal ... La diva's ideas for a year in review: go back into your backlog of blogs and use the first sentence from the first post for each month of the past year. . .

Jan - zippity doo dah day, roll over and bathe in the wash of sunshine on buddha gold walls, warm happy safe. bronchitis battle rolls on, with me mostly losing.

Feb - 2nd: I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, got caught up on my daily tasks yesterday. though I know there are several letters that will claim my attention this morning; I may yet get to some of the project work I have planned.

Mar - the 3rd of the 3rd: okay then, was back to work this week - and glad to be there, people starvation had set in solid.

Apr - 20 sentences, my friend abigail found this interesting idea on Saviabella's "blog, inspired ~ she wrote her own list. devi turned 7 and Charlie was born - 1st of the homely crew babes.

May - Abigail has an inside track on 5 question interviews for bloggers. seth turned 6 and camping May long at Sherwood.

June - the 5th: holy crap it's June and May whizzed past me ... as did June. working the 3 day week plan for summer with my vac days on Mon and nonDO firdays - worked great.

July - camping was such a release. weather was great - thank the hundred little gods for the patio. reading the bright yellow book from Cody - was very hard not to just fling it away.

Aug - the 3rd: the famdamily was of to the EX Wednesday afternoon - thought we'd take advantage of the cooler weather 28-29 and the breeze that was blowing. the dead celebrity party was a riot alice.

Sept - actually the 4th : sorry i haven't seen you in a bit, it was labour day longweekend which is the girl's ritual weekend away at Lu's camper in Sherwood Forest. bellydancing started & i'm lovin' it!

Oct - me knee has learned a new language. after a 5 day week that was just go gadget go - it really shouldn't have surprised me that there was a fraturday nite abourning in this last weekend of September; the ladies auxilliary was out in full force - and some of the members we hadn't seen in a while also arrived. Later on in the month we had a lovely triple birthday costume hallwe'en party at the House Of Pain.

Nov - It is the 1st of November and the boy has most of the boxes moved, just the big furniture to go now and he'll have that done today .... well the last of it was out by the end of the month and for the first time since I was 16 there are no piles of kids stuff anywhere ;) Katie's 19th bday was celebrated in high style with formal wear at the pub.

Dec - from the 2nd : curtis birthday friday was a blast. The O'Hanlon's Ladies Auxillary meeting of the broads party was a lovely chaotic crush. pre-christmas in moose jaw was terrific with potluck, and santa eve & day were spent in a lovely relatively quiet family christmas with my kids and grands. Boxing day at the pub saw quite a few of the crew too.

result: i figured i made entries on the 1st exactly half the year. not too shabby at all. i didn't whine too much. i like lists. i have been late on my "5 on the 27th" 1 out of 4 times... i don't beat myself up as much as i used to. i have loads of friends. my life seems to be going in a different direction than last year. all i can do is hope i didn't take a wrong turn and enjoy the ride.

if you get a chance sometime just after midnite - say this phrase: om mani padme hum
namaste

5 on the 27th #4 ~ just a tad late

beautiful eyes and a great smile ~ tall, old enough to pull at the LB. a captain no less, and a car. strong and gentle and good - great family reputation and a steady part time job - my parents loved that i was going out with you (they swallowed the fact that you were 3 years older because the other options were simply not to be considered). you were dependable and romantic and a good kisser. but you were in the end, a small town boy and i was trouble on two feet. i apologize sweets, you were my boy next door and i was the delinquent braless flag you waved at your parochial parents when they pissed you off.

you were my guilty pleasure, my secret hideaway. early mornings redolent with the mouth watering aroma of fresh baking and warm sugar glaze as i took that first big chomp while the glaze was still dripping. ripping down the highway in your 65 mustang coupe - as fast as we could go and careening to a stop so that we could make love in a wheatfield (take a sturdy blanket)... the first time you let me drive the Kawy - man - that was huge!!! the original chevy van with the orange shag keyhole & the minifridge for my strawberry angel. you really should have seen the look on my mom's face when she found my riding leather - the one with all the fringes you got me - i think she would have been okay if i hadn't told her how really old you were when she guessed wrong. what a rotten child i was, but then that's why you loved me. ditto.

i never did fit into the societal structure. at 16 i needed to be needed. you needed someone. married at 16 & 18, in spite of them all, we set out to make our own little family that would just love us for who we were. though i never regret my children - man were we stupid. what did we really think we were doing? did we think? hindsight being 20/20 we might want to have waited till we grew up a little before imposing our craziness on our kids. they are turning out great though, in spite of us ... it's always circles isn't it?

heat. we danced close and closer all night, with the barbies gaping in disbelief when you ignored their attempts to snatch you away. sunglasses at night. so tuned to the vibe my knees were trembling and you asked if i had a shower at my place. i did ;)

you lifted my heart and dissappeared me down the rabbit hole. our mutual obsession for 5 years & soul love by bowie, shades by iggy and most of the pistols carried us to faraway places. mushrooms, spandex, heavy metal and an endearing curiosity. you were the penultimate peter pan and though i never realized it i was wendy and her brothers all twizzled together with a sprinkling of peter's boys just for the explosive effect. bring on the hook - he cannot prevail because we are invincible!
but we were wrong. i started to grow up and you left me for someone who would share your happy place without question. idol, medora, the trainride ~ treasured memories all. you are my heart friend and i miss you.

the year of overcoming entropy

this has been a tumultuous year for almost everyone i know. small defeats and large miracles. looking back it has been all about the importance of moving forward.

look back all you want, but do not get stuck there. just because reality is "blahblahblah" today, does not mean it has to stay that way. if you do nothing to change it/yourself/the situation - it will maintain or devolve into something truly horrendous.

if you choose to make a positive effort, great or small, change will occur. the outcome is never guaranteed, but at least you are choosing. enough of the pushme-pullyou indecisiveness of modern wo/man.

take a fucking stand.

this year i had a double handful of friends who persevered made a change or took a stand. palinode for his health care. abby for her dignity. schmutzie for her femininity (no - really baby - unknowingly or not you did) savia for song. patty & deb for their mental health. brad for not smoking. asi for daddyhood. katie for adulthood. nick dee & gio for family values. rod for self reliance. at least 6 people who refused to be doormats. laurie for daily idependence. the Wrocks for committment. mur for growing up & out. pixx for her kids and her refusal to let the system throttle her, mandy & chris for plugging through the daily grind, everyday - together, and chedly for allowing himself the time to heal. bren for self image, kory for his health and carrie for her fitness.

to all the people around me who make the little and big changes, hard as they may be.
THANK YOU.

this year I learned to be comfortable with the word cunt. thanks for the book cody!

onward

it's christmas eve

it's christmas eve -
time to down-a-few-pints and get-up-and leave

i'll take the buuus - to the dotter's hoooouse
sneak in the doooor - quiet as a 300 pound mooouse...
the kids will squeeeeal with chiiildish gleee -
and jump up and down on my wounded knee ....

it's christmas eve
it's christmas eve... and i love every min - ute of it!

to everyone i knw, and those i have yet to meet - a happy santa season!!!

fun with cheese

after many requests for recipes from the meeting of the broads - here goes:

Cheese Ball
Ingredients:
2 pkg 500g cream cheese 1/2 small white onion diced fine
1 Tsp worcestshire sauce 1/3 red pepper diced fine
1 Tsp lemon juice 10 twists of ground black pepper (coarse)
1 Tsp Lime juice 1/8 C parsley flakes
1 C shredded cheese - (monterey jack or an jalapeno mix is tasty)
1/2 C cashews ( put them in the coffee bean grinder/food processer and crush fine - or you can always beat hell out of them with a rolling pin)

Instructions: Cream ingredients together, shape into ball.
Roll in crushed cashews ( or other nuts of choice - never mind ...).
Options: add nuts, hard chopped fruit, different peppers, dill, crab, other seafood, ham, etc.

Spinach Dip
Prep time: ½ hour
Ingredients:
2 pkg frozen spinach thawed & drained 2 C sour cream
1 C mayo (miracle whip for tang) 1 pkg Knorr cream of vegetable soup
1 can water chestnuts finely chopped 3 green onions finely chopped
1 C cheddar or marble cheese grated ½ sm red onion finely chopped
2 Tsp dill (optional) 1/8 C chopped fresh parsley parsley
1 Tsp worcestshire sauce S&P to taste
1 or 2 loaves of unsliced pumpernickel bread 3 sticks celery chopped fine
Options: shrimp, crab, bean sprouts, shredded carrots, lemon grass, tarragon, garlic

Instructions:
Mix all the dip ingredients together and chill at least 3 hours
Slice top off load and cube, hollow loaf out and cube interior, slash sides of loaf 2 inches deep
Fill slashed loaf with dip, and arrange cubed chunks around base. chop up extra bread you'll need it. Nan bread and pita bread in wedges work well for displays.

mmmmmmm.... cheezey goodness

the saddest day

15 years today ... my world stopped, i couldn't breathe, i couldn't speak, mind numbing terror and anger and loss. my mom was gone. i was empty.

15 years and it's like it was yesterday and a million years ago.

i love you mom.

on the 4th day of christmas

my true love gave to me -

Four fro-zen fingers (do not drop a smoke in a fluffy snowbank as the hand heat will get it wet)
Three winter coughs
Two wobbly feet
and a set of dead lights in my tree.

the OLA doubleD party was a roaring success thanks to all those who stopped by and hugs to those who didn't make it. it made me realize how much i love to entertain. and i now know the seating volume comfort limit of most of the rooms in our place. living room 12-14, office 6, bedrooms half a dozen, kitchen 2, smoking deck 5-6. At one point there was just about 30 people there. lovely lovely lovely.

y'all just made my week.

on the 1st day of christmas ...

my true love gave to me ...

a dead set of lights in my tree.


... and right at the top no less! like i needed to add another to do to my not t'done list.

so today is holy crap i have to get all of this done today day. i was woken up by a call from my sister at 7:45 on my day off with bad news about a friend, my unfulfilled wish that the problem with the happy lights would magically disappear slapped me upside the head (you'd have toknow how anal i am about the tree to understand the true depth of that particular tragedy), 10 time consuming tasks that absolutely must get done today and a cheery good morning from the head cold i have been avoiding for the past two weeks.

on the upside, it is my day off, a couple of friends have promised to give me a hand with the list and minilights are cheap.

wish me luck, it'll be off to wallymart later.

and a most magnificent happy birthday in absentia to aurthur guinness.

thursday

AAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

sloggin through the murk

i know i was productive this week but it certainly does not feel that way.

my heart goes out to a couple of people who are dealing with relative trauma (sending all good thoughts) and unspeakable loss (just keep going forward). thank the hundred little gods for my sorta stable family of the moment.

it's probably just reaction to the first week of real cold and OF COURSE with the weekend coming on it looks to get colder -28C tomorrow at least - before the wind. sounds like a good night to stay in, finish up the christmas cards and get some of the resents wrapped. think i might stack the candles in the fireplace and pretend.

was at the screening of 2 new films this week. certainly amusing (i love irony) a fair bit of tongue in cheek juxtaposed with supper 'en cheek and followed by cheeky villeins and a bit too much vomiting chicken for my taste. loved the gypsie schmooze. but it WAS FUNNY and an evening out with the girls is always a good time. strangely enough i knew one of the actors, and one of the actors' moms.

regina is such a small tiny insulated little place ... why am i still here?

i didn't lose it!!!!

i won a solid sense of self satisfaction at a small job well done - most days - even if i didn't win anything from the nablopomo prize list.

i didn't lose the lens camera from my "oh my god are you an idiot for spending that much on a camera" camera. my friend la schmutzie picked it up when she saw it adventuring among the pint glasses ans has saved me a trip to look for it in person.

i didn't lose my sangfroid when the tools at 4 separate computer stores treated me an ID10T problem before they even spoke to me.

i didn't throw my poutine with the frozen FROZEN cheese curd and broken plastic tine at the malignant tumours that were manning the tills at A&W saturday at lunch time, and after waiting 20 minutes and watching 6 or 7 other people get served i decided enough. i asked for a refund for my poutine which had yet to arrive - "oh here it is now that you're at the till and already done your burger and coffee" and lo and behold - not one of the 6 people behind the counter knew how to refund a single item, so they refunded my for my poutine, drink & burger. so i also won my lunch (looking for the positive here).

which reminds me I owe my sister $5 for the greycup game.

and today i won the "you are the best grandma in the world" award which i will collect on santa morning from my devi when she sees that i found her an $#@#^@#^@@^$@^@ - it's a secret and she's a smart little cookie...

sunday morning/lunch

curtis birthday friday was a blast. i was so happy to see so many of the crew that don't make it out too often, even my seester- i still have to process all the pics though.

spent sat afternoon with my friend Renee, we'd found the laptop she wanted friday am, but hadto wait till the shipment came in on Sat. we got to the store - still not in ... heavy sigh. we'll have to go back later this week.

lots of art and glue and glitter with wax paper snowflakes and the grandson. we watched a movie, had pizza with no green peppers and he had pop and pudding and applesauce. we stayed up till 11pm cuddling in the big chair and had a very good sleep. yogurt and grannysmith apples for breaky - pizza for snack, and lipton's chicken noodle soup for lunch. we've done the dishes and vacuumed and he has beaten me at 2 games of itsy bitsy spider, though i did redeem myself by winning frustration.

then it's off to his house to make paper bag reindeers and my daughter is making sunday supper.

gotta love the weekend!

NaBloPoMo nomo' (humming deck the halls)

tis the last day of na blo po mo
no more mid-nite paaa-nic attacks for me.

throughout the month, just trying to remember
and posting at least SOMEthing religiously.

i am finished
i have done it
some of my posts sucked, that's the way it be.

but i completed the goal that i stated
gone now is that responsibility.

MMWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA


personalities:
your soul shines through your eyes on the cloudiest of days and brightens my world each and every time i see you. you are an accumulation of all that is good: kindness, compassion, patience, open hearted, handed and minded. you remind us all what we WANT to be, even as we're fumbling along our paths. and as if that wasn't enough you have pizzazz, attitude, intelligence and you do a great dance. so when your internal glow is awash with pain from an uncontrollable source know that you just have to call me, i'll be there sister.

thursday

made it through the week ,,, damn but winter is here with a vengeance,

wicked wednesday

by the hundred little gods that wind out there today was SNAP. i was at the UofR today and as soon as i saw the strikers i was very thankful.

snappy repartee from narrow minded commentators insults me: "what-ever, they make more than we do", "i'll take that job", " or the ever so erudite "f#@$ers!". such an astonishing vocabulary for a college boy.

they may make more than you do (usually though not always, ) through investing time and effort, education, training, and experience. lots of people do - you're a student. it is quite possible that you may not meet the qualifications to apply for that job. if you do, have you applied? what this group of f#@$ers is doing supports ALL workers by serving notice that a business cannot be run successfully without employees. the principals upheld here, seeded society with a demand for wage & labour standards, ohs and equity.

understand this, no sane individual prefers snow slogging at -22C on one of the windiest freaking intersections along the parkway. i am fairly sure most would prefer heated workspace and fair day's pay for a fair days work. have you asked one of them?

so thanks to all those sisters & brothers who stand visible & strengthen our solidarity.

5 on the 27th #3

you took me with you on a romp through the discovery of sex with all of the enthusiasm and curiosity of youth, without any prudery or twisted perceptions. just good old fashioned enjoyment of the gifts of our bodies that has lasted my lifetime. always will you have a special place in my heart wherever you are. (it didn't hurt that you were a juvenile delinquent on parole from kilbourne and my mom told me to stay away from you ;)

i told my parents to send me to Dale's House, they sent me to Luther College High School to live in the dorm. my girls and I met you and your guys. it started out as you and Chris and me and Mike and after 2 days we realized we had it wrong so we switched. you were a lightening rod. i loved to run my fingers through your mane while we were making out. remember the mattress fire? i still howl at the look on Mike's face when he realized it was himself that was burning. in the end you were a bastard and i walked out heart broken. long since forgiven.

my unknown saviour - tall blond, suave with a hot car. i was 14, the police were on strike. you and your sister donna and her boyfriend darrel picked me up walking down Victoria Ave. smokin' strawberry and lime, frisbee with the wascana authority guard's hat. i had just had my heart broken and you seemed to simply want to take care of me. 3 dyas and i ran away from your intensity. but what a blast! you found my dad's number in estevan and called there 3 times a day until i got there a week later. remember the storm on the way back from north portal and supper at caesar's? your mom was wonderful. then you ruined it. no one does that to me. i snuck back to the house after everyone went to work, broke in, took my stuff and hit the highway. you found me again 3 months later in juvie hall and talked my social worker into allowing you to take me out for my 15th birthday. you wore a baby blue crushed velvet suit (smashing). we went to Sahara Nights when it was still an upscale restaurant. too much wine, a little reefer and some great face - it was a wonderful birthday. we were done and i never saw you again.

ahhh my great tormented love - a tragic romance - love at first sight - you made me feel wanted and needed and safe in a world where there was no place for me. my love for you knew no bounds and refused to die no matter how hard the system stomped on it. do you remember April Wine and the VW or Dr. Hook's "Little Bit More"? breaking you out of juvie jail was a rush. every time we got together chaos ensued - it was glorious.

cookie, sweet & tasty comfort food for the soul, a 10 day interlude that got me through the devestation of john's betrayal. it always hurts most when it's your friends that stab you in the back right under your nose. we met randomly at an after 777s house party. both of us bored - staring at each other. we went outside for a smoke and watched the dawnrise later - sort of ;)many zoomers, the BEST ACDC concert and several deck days later we both had to go back to work. that night at Kenny's still makes me grin like a cheshire cat.

the riders won and hell has now frozen over.

holy crap - was it ever snowing out this morning - big fat fluffy flalkes that fill in your footsteps faster than a cab will come for you. it was cold and my knee was aching and the curse made everything else stiff and sore, which sucks because i didn't even go out and party last night! - never mind the whining, so i called tmy normal taxi company and chatted with the dispatcher who answered the call, who said NOTHING about an extended wait, though i could see that happening the day after the victory kafuffle last night.

so it's REALLY dark out still at 7:40. I smoked a cigarette. i made little tractor tracks in the snow. i brushed the snow off my self... and i was starting to get chilly. should i go in and trudge up the stairs to call the cab company bany back thereby missing the cab when I am halfway to the condo... can not miss the taxi ... and then it was light out (i don't wear a watch i suck the energy out of them) so it must have been awhile - when i noticed my filled in steps. enough

instead of trudging up to my place a bothered the boys in #2 and they called for me so i could keep an eye out for the taxi just in case. and the woman says "Are you sure you didn't call another company?" (it's now 8:15 and I have to be at work by 8:30)

"look, i only call this company because the others stink - literally or lie to me - i called, the dispatcher joked around with me and told me no, so I said please LIKE I DO MOST TIMES. (though i didn't yell at the time as the would have been completely counterproductive). and then i went dowstairs to wait, which i have been doing for tick tick tick for 40 minutes now. when can you have a cab here please?"

"is this 2212 cornwall calling - #3?" i said yes. "we never received a call from that address"

talk about a service person who doesn't even register what you've said ...

the cab came at 8:25, i have had an otherwise good day except it's the first day of -20 and with the windchill it is a brisk -34. hope the wind is behind me.

grey cup day

yay - the riders won .... boo the bombers lost. there has to be a winner and a loser. i am trying t0 convince myself that that's okay.

11:47 almost missed it ...

mmmm saturday - slept in until almost 10, mind you i didn't get home till midnite and i still haven't got the christmas cards done ... or the never ending gods bedamned laundry.

went to the psychic fair at the catholic church .. you heard me correctly ... quite blase with the exception of the chakra reader and the labyrinth the Rainbow Youth Centre kids made - it was beautiful - and they did it on canvass so it's portable. however on the topic of contradictions the stations of the cross is also a labyrinthan pattern. altogether different from mazes, no dead ends or offshoots and the path to the center is also the path out. it's a gathwering of focus and release after centering. crete's labyrinth was supposedly created to trap the magical energies of the minotaur. it is also purported by some that all of the greatest of the ancient cities like Troy and constantinople were built over labyrinths as well. London too actually, based on the traditions of the earlier peoples before it became an urban center and was a simple collection of verdant hills.

i also came across some infor on mayan astrology which i have been looking for for a while nbow - so that will be an interesting winter project.

a lovely luch at donnakaykes with miss PJ and a tour of some of the 13th avenue shops. ihad no idea A CUP of Tea was even there. brought home some Latte Moachohita" tea, which smells like coffee. hmmmmm - not for me - just tasted wrong - not bad. should have got the raspberry or the jasmin - transcendant. we went to awarehouse for a browse - and for the first time the person behind the counter just didn't fit with the ambience of the store. he was a discordant note in an otherwise welcoming tone. supercillious, arrogant and nowhere near as knowledgeable as he attempted to present. i'll go back another day and pick up what i wanted.

then i messed about around the house, played a whack of crackbook scrabble - even got 3 - 7letter words in one game. deb & i got the invitations out for the OLA - Meeting of the Broads.

and now to bed.

hot diggity ...

this has been the oohso long whenwilliteverend yegodsihateitwheniwhine damnmykneehurts week. and now it is done. well almost.

as i sit here listening to the newly installed burner in my pc humming along copying my back up files (you do burn back ups of your stuff once in a while don't you?) i have a deep sense of accomplishment for all of the work i have managed to finish this week. i even managed a pint or two with the crew at the pub and Stace popped over for a bit after, dinner with my son at his place, a visit with Lu at her's, downloaded a few movies, played some scrabulous and even took the garbage out.

i am supposed to be going out visit da goils but i think my knee has put the kibosh on that & my dance night may have become gimp night BUT i finally got my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon - can you believe it - NEXT WEDNESDAY. my xrays are ready and waiting to be picked up and then it's off to the Kinesiology dept at the UofR. i shouldn't whine though because i've lived through back pain and this is NADA compared to that - BTW - YAY AIDEN! - painfree and mobile once again. i am hoping it doesn't take as long to get the surgery on my knee - or they don't come up with the "elective" crap - but thanks for the incontinence tip cause when the knee she goes i can't get to where i need to. it hasn't happened yet and i don't want to borrow trouble but if it gets the knee fixed sooner i'm in.

anyway, the deal with the knee is there's a hard nodule floating around in the knee cap and it doesn't hurt or even seem like it's there until it gets stuck BETWEEN 2 muscles/tendons/pieces of cartilage, but when it does .... and the effects are random. PAIN stiffness - load cracking - the knee collapses, can't lift anything using that leg as foundation (lift from the knees), stairs are bad leg first going down and bad leg last going up while twofooting each step and this week we add to the list the back of knee pit gets sharp dagger like stabbing sensations immobilizing leg from hip to ankle - BUT it doesn't swell, it's not constant, and i'm only taking IBProfin for it.

so today i will just be thankful to get everything done and have a nice relaxing weekend. (even though i really really really want to go dancng" OH YEAH, that's where i was going in the last paragraph - the big problem with my knee is that it limits where i can go - i walk everywhere and i love to dance, in fact i usually walk to work.

sitting

how often do you take time to just sit? ignore all technology, unplug the phone, put something comfortable on, and just sit...

hear the wind buffet the too thin 50 year old panes of fragile transparent sand and wonder how many more blows that membrane can withstand before it shatters, tinkling like dropped christmas ornaments. feel the thrum though the hardwood of the train mindlessly rumbling through towards its next destination... an echoed squawking as a vee of geese push harder for the lake on their annual trek to warmth and longer sunlight...

thump thump thump thump thump - a stranger hastening downwards on the stairs ... a quiet steady undetermined hum, it's the fridge. the heartbeat of a clock just down the hall... silent tears sliding into the laughlines drawn by years.

an ancient waft of smoke as the door across the hall swings open and closes, igniting the nicotine hunger staved off for several hours. cookies baking downstairs, chocolatey goodness calls as sweetly as the lady once did. let it go. breathe.

that little bumpling just above your right incisor, the slight numbness on the trembling edges of your baby toes. pop crackle snap as you shift position on the floor.

the sudden screel of the beater outside revving for heat, stealing that last thought that was so important and now its gone.

breathe.

sit.

be.

the world will not end if you find a moment or two of peace.

suspicious minds:

The lovely Schmutzie tagged Abigail who tagged me .... and so on which is a wonderful little aid for interest in this the last third of NaBloPoMo.

The Rules:
Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
Feel fantastic.

things that make me suspicious are ...

1. when someone asks me if i "like" something ... the brain says "why do they need to know?"
2. if i haven't heard from my kids for a while and any of the first 3 sentences are "i love you, you're the best mom, or guess what happened to me..."
3. when a sentence begins with " i overheard, i'm not sure, or just gossip but" i have to wonder what the motivation of the speaker is.
4. when objects are not where i left them or go missing entirely
5. when people tell me I"look great this evening" - it feels great, but there is that niggle in the background going "and what do i look like any other time"- and yes i know i don't see me the way other people do.
6. subways and underpasses - for some unknown reason i always think something is going to drop on me from above.
7. beggars who ask me for "coffee money" - especially when they reek of lysol
8. most promises - we're people, we're fallible and i am fairly sure that there have been waaay more broken than kept.
9. "if you loved me..."



Tag You're it:
jukebox hero
pocket buddha
smyrish
that girl
and sometimes why

cell phones

i had a cell phone a couple of years back and it was really handy whenever I wanted to make a phone call. i didn't want to give my number to very many people as I didn't want to be found or bothered by the continuous ringing of the phone when i was out and about. I carried one for a year and a half for work (i was on call) and i did get used to the convenience.

however, 2 years later i am still cell free and content with it. there is nothing that pisses me off more than being in the middle of a really good conversation, argument, business meeting and having the other person put me on hold so that they can answer the thrice bedamned cellphone. and then continue to hold a conversation on the phone, only to forget what we were talking about to begin with. that behaviour tells me that i am not valued, or at the very least valued less than the phone call. now granted sometimes it is an important call, and a request for a moment's interruption is not at issue. but when the call is nothing pressing could you not just take a message and call them back, like if you were using a wireline phone that you could not take with you every where you went?

and that is just the people i know.

then there is a whole nasty world of inconsiderate strangers infringing on other's auditory lives with their digital pollution ( i'm not speaking of everyone - just the bastards who interfere in my daily grind) . some of us do have hearing that works very well thank you. and we hear YOU, with your grating ring tones that can be heard clear across OHanlon's at midnite on dance night, shitty renditions of popular (to some) tunes or a plethora of digitized noises that range from R2D2 and C3P0 to electronic farts. please exercise a little bit of oh so uncommon courtesy and turn down the volume on the phone and shut the fuck up.

I am sick and tired of hearing all the halves of bad conversations. i do not care to know how sick the buddy got last weekend - especially in graphic detail, nor do i want to listen to some whiny little barstar crying over "Him" or "her". i do not need to listen to half of a story about a game i'm not interested in, or about people i do not know. please just turn down the volume on your side of the conversation or get a better phone.

but now I have discovered "jammers" - some wonderful little devices that fits in a pocket and will jam all cell signals for an area of 9 meters around the jammer. yes they are illegal in North America and so is marijuana. they are being imported in larger and larger numbers and with any luck will soon be available anywhere there is enough of a market - that would be everywhere.

i have asked nicely. nice didn't work. the jammer will solve the noise pollution problem quite handily. all i want for christmas ...

well another day, another 12 dollars

work craaazzzyyy busy. got in early, worked through lunch and forgot to take a coffee break. not complaining, just an observation. my job, like my life is fairly hurry up and wait, hurry up and catch up, oh wait now... planplanplan ... damn , best laid plans...

i am still trying to get help tp mpve the loveseat from the 3rd floor, down to main out the door in my door up 2 flights. it's light and not too bulky .....

i believe i will go and have a bubble bath now.

night

internal conflict

YAY! the riders won. i live in sask.

YAY! the bombers won. I was born and partially raised in winnipeg.

damn!

I guess either way I both win and lose ...

a good time had by most

all dressed up and where do we go? the pub. katie in a floor length blue number shimmering in sparklies. abibail in her new frock and jules in a short little spring green number. stace fabulous in leopard print and elbow length gloves. sharon was suited up and her dotter was skirted as well. i went a la chatelaine, with pin striped full length suiting AND heels (little tiny ones yes, but heels nonetheless). rod as ever, was semiformal, Danny and Dan in a couple of sharp suits and aiden quite dapper with the french trench and fedora. a huge crew - lots of smiles and a dollop of dancing. only a few of the crew missing the action ... we missed them though and cheersed them as well.

my devi is over for a girl's night. we went and got groceries & cooked supper, watched a couple of movies with dessert, did some laundry (she loves to go in the basement). she whopped me in frustration and by 10 pm she wanted to go to bed. angels they are.

i spent 4 hours this am sorting through the almost 600 pics we took last night and ended up with 311 i wanted to keep, cropped shopped and shrunk. i created a crackbook album - and it hung... another .... tried to edit the first - hung ... created a third (and in the meantime rebooted pc, dumped temp files, cleared cache etc ...) still no go. maybe the crack is too busy - it was midafternoon .... try later. so half an hour ago .... i deleted 4 old albums that i didn't want to delete - thought maybe 20 albums was an unknown limit. created 4th new album, clicked create now ... hung .... %$)(*&%^(^$$#%$*$&^%@$#@$#@%#^%I*%^#*%(I%P*)$%

you get the picture - or you don't - none does .... aarrgghhhhh!

here's the whole crew we could gather at a random time last night:

for me, it' back to trying to get the damn things posted .. wish me luck ;)

friday

aiden get's out of the hospital today and katie turns 19. off to the formal party at the pub ;)

thursday

long day - nothing to talk about - nite!

oh! - bought some pretty snazzy shoes today ;)

almost midnite

wednesday - hump becomes lump becomes limp day

brain hurts, realized at 7 tonight i had not taken my allergy pill. doh! better now.

workin' friday now, but i actually found clothes in my closet that fit me again.

off to beddy bye.

tuesday tuesday - my good news day

hopefully my friend the palinode is having his suspension adjusted this afternoon and he can burn his membership to the "I walk slower than a turtle club" (i have no idea how long it'll be before i can burn mine but i am working on a third referral to an orthapedic surgean - still trying to get a freaking appointment)

abigail has found some spark ..... who hoo!

savia managed to get to bc to be with superstar.

david emailed me his number so we can get the loveseat moved ;)

my devi girl sent me an email.

i found i nice pair of mitts for Deb, whose lost 2 pair in one week at dollarama lama bing bang, which my son and i toured when he surprised me by showing up at my work to take me for lunch (though i had already had a small thing of frys earlier) he bought all kinds of stuff, I bought mitts and borrowed 10 bucks :) HAH! now there's a turnaround...

damn but his showing up sure did my heart good. a bit of mommy anxiety plaguing me since yesterday.

gotta run, love y'all

keep thinkin' it's sunday

well the feet are much better after dance night. i find that i am missing my son ... my friends just look at me and shake their heads at me. never freaking satisfied.

love the place though, and having Deb around is a treat.

her book boxes have now made it to the storage room - we are both doing the little happy dance. now i just need to get a hold of david so we can move the loveseat in.

and the phone isn't ringing all day.

relatively content.

rememberance day

it's about respect, historical, current and future ... participate

Who are you?

Someone asked me who I was the other day and I figured that I am the sum of my experiences supported by my desires and principles. I am an extaordinary machine, so here I am:

Experience: I've had all kinds of jobs from service industry to retail, small town cab dispatcher, was a nurse's aid in a senior's home for a bit but my compassion got me into trouble there, waitress, bar wench, short order cook. Office cleaner, Avon, Tupperware, Coppercraft, Trichem, pizza delivery, sold diamonds, denim store manager, student, tutor. Spent a couple of years as a front office manager for a re/maint. business and I've been at my current company for almost 14 years. Started in customer service business and residential, call center, 7 years on the support desk, facilitator & trainer, tech asst with AV and the last 2 years I have been a Communications Analyst, which is just a fancy title for writer. I consider myself lucky because I get up every morning and go to a job I actually like to do, and from my experience there aren't that many people around who get that bonus.

Relationships: Been married (16 & 28) and divorced (23 & 40ish)- twice obviously, but for the most part not bitter, shit happens and people change, get over yourself. I have made a serious effort at releasing all the crap we generally hold onto, though the occasional memory may spark a moment of angst it's generally a flash in the pan. I believe in love. My daughter is 27 with a boy and girl of her own (they are 7 & 6, and a limitless source of joy to me) and her partner Chris, whom I consider my second son. My first son is 24 and just moved into his own place this week. I am very proud of my kids, they have managed, in the face of all kinds of dysfunction and heart rending experiences to become people I am blessed to consider my friends.

Creation is my motivator. A tailor who doesn't sew much for $$ anymore, mostly just interesting projects and fix me ups. Drawing with charcoal, some pastel and I love to paint - houses, murals, landscapes and art glass. COLOUR INTESITY ENERGY I learned to carve 2 years ago, to make reverse molds for solid pottery, and to use a potter's wheel for small projects. Now there is a skill that will take some serious time to master. Love to cook and hate to dust. Bringing old furniture back to life, renewal is a strong theme. I try to be as environmentally friendly as I can.

MUSIC, the chord that ties all the strange little bits of me together. I play piano (rusty) and years ago played drums and bit of bass guitar. In my youth I had a great voice now it's fairly gravelly but I still sing along anyhow. Today I'm listening to Irish Tenors, Leonard Cohen, Fiona Apple, Sublime, a little Tool and Leon Redbone. With music comes dancing, love ballroom never learned any latin except the tango, though it intrigues me - strange how life gets in the way - My son and his friends dragged me into the rave scene (for the music not the E) for awhile, where I found the joy of closing my eyes and grooving IN the music. There is NOTHING like 20 feet of speakers informing your bare toes that the grass is ready to accept your footprints while the torches illuminate the swirk of other dancers all together, and yet all alone.

People are sustenance for this gregarious girl/woman/child. Friends range in age from about 17 to 76, we hold each other up and we hold each other down. We let us be who we are without need for plastic and pretense, I am surrounded by love and all good things and a hug is never very far away. It's like a mobile village and you run into your neighbours everywhere you go. It's grand! A social butterfly, surrounded by people - doing whatever, it's a very tasty vibe.

An eternal student, I have a BA and enough credits for 3/4 of 3 other degrees but no real drive to complete them - career in hand, university was about the learning. I would love to d0 my masters but practically speaking, that will have to wait until I am not working fulltime or I win the lottery (note to self - buy a ticket). HUGE reader, I devour books. Used be totally focused on technology but now I'd say I'm just an amateur geek, who just this week could not remember the" msconfig" command because I haven't used it in so long.

Beliefs: the golden rule, heart sense, active compassion, friendship, spirituality, communication, truth, personal honour. life as a celebration and a gift - don't waste it.

Biggest stresses are weight & smoking, an interminable war my whole life. up and down and up and down, stop & start. Now both are slowly creeping downwards. Eat healthy small portions often, exercise, avoid fats and sugar - don't buy smokes & avoid places where others are smoking - I know the drill - work in progress, but then aren't we all.

TGIF

thank all the hundred little gods! the bios are done and the sofa is moved - managed to pop over to Lu's for coffee and Murray's PC and internet are working. Time for a pint.

mommy-hood

so you spend your life doing the best you can for your kids. sometimes that best isn't so damned great but it is still all that you have. and you can be sure that in any life, some dysfunction will arise and you, the mommy, will feel like you have let your kids down.

i have had many of those moments. i have apologized for them, tried not to repeat them and gone forward.

but there is a certain point in a mommy's life where a situation will occur where knowing that her child needs help, she will be unable to provide it. and it's fucking heartbreaking.

with my daughter, it was when my mom died - 15 years ago this year. we had had a lot of deaths in family and friends that year and my mom was a light in our lives, she loved my kids and tried to spend as much time as she could with them. my daughter was 12 and her best friend had passed away only a few months before we lost my mom. amanda was already reeling from trying to handle that loss when my mom got very very sick, and then she was just gone. 5 days before christmas... and i was completely lost. and i couldn't find a way to help myself or her. it was all i could do to put one foot in front of the other. we since dealt with my failure to be there for her - i think - sometimes it's hard to tell.

i had never been in that kind of situation with my son before. there have been a few rough spots where he was having to deal with things that i simply couldn't help with, but i was there - for support, to listen, whatever. this week, he needed help and i was quite simply at the end of my resources and i did not have what he needed.

there is no more profound feeling for a mother, no matter how old the child is, that they cannot provide the assistance that their child needs. needs not wants.

wednesday

my knee hates me.

i am the first one to beat cloudsley on crackbook scrabulous. took several games though.

my grandson lost his front tooth today.

there is still an extra sofa in my living room.

nablopomo .. is not a real word

i am actually beating cloudsley at scrabble - just a sec (runs and checks the night sky) nope the moon's still white, hell hasn't frozen over cause I see no ice .... better not count ze chik-ENs before zey are hatch -ed.

productive day at work - 2/3s done the bios ... made homemade from scratch chicken barley soup and then deb came home and made pasgetti - tasty tasty

move still not done - tomorrow tomorrow - it wil be tomorrow - it's only a daaaaaaaaayyy aaa wwaaaayyyyyyyy....

MAKE SURE YOU GO VOTE please.

nablopomo: the mom song

laugh till you cry - the day after my last child moves out: life is irony!

the mom song

and we're just about done ...

one more truck load tomorrow - and Deb's stuff will all be here. the kitchen is already organized and her room, just has to sort her 23 boxes of books - keep this one out, put that one downstairs... and once the last load gets her and leaves here we'll beable to organize the living room a bit better.

art work is hung, mask collection moved, though there will be boxes everywhere for a coupla days.

my cableguy was here about 4 - they were supposed to change my package and the tech cut me off on the outside of the house. and there was a cable mushed. fixed. and still the package change hadn't happened. so i called and asked for a credit for my inconvenience - she said only 2.50 for 2 days down, so instead she is mailing me several coupons for pay per view movies. ok.

angus bodhi cat has come out from under derek's bed to scuttle under derek's couch. he is eating regularly and being regular in his litter box which makes derek very happy. i still feel badly but i do feel better.

my place no longer smells like teen spirit.

11:53 pm - almost blew it

it's saturday, the house cleared around 10ish - still some crap to move tomorrow. have to pick up some groceries. missed going out with the girls (sorry laurie) but needed to get his shit together - and of course sit down to find some entertainment and the damn cable is "temporarily off the air" and then nothing 45 minutes later, access is finally sending someone tomorrow - first they said thursday - i don't freaking think so! what about dancing with the stars???

either way - very busy day. angus is not happy where he is. i feel guilty. my son is sick - and there is nothing i can do to help. my grandson is being an nasty piece of work - just completely disrespectful and defiant, throwing food etc ... and he actually said to me that YES it was okay to throw food - in your face rude this little 6 year old. did my time with that sort.

lots to do tomorrow, cheers

nablopomo #2

it's too early on a day off to be up and at em already ... almost all of Mur's furniture has been moved out except for his mattresses, the computer and his chair ... and Josh's couch. and about 20 boxes of Deb's books have arrived. not quite on schedule but pretty close considering the 4 different schedules we all run on. Mur will crash at his sister's till Saturday when the rest of the move will be completed. angus bodhi cat is going to move today - which is a BIG problem for me because i love him SO much but i have become very allergic and so is Deb. and i will miss my friend who comes and purrs me up when he knows i don't feel well or if i'm sad - who plays fetch and talks back to me like a person, who licks my eyebrow to get up and feed him at all ungodly hours. he's been part of the family for 4 years and it's REALLY hard to say goodbye.

seeing light at end of tunnel.

first day of nonsmoking lasted about 18 hours, 2 smokes with Sharon and Deb. Note to self, avoid the pub for at least a week - the urge is strong and dk is weak. starting over...

Nablopomo is here : #1

It is the 1st of November and the boy has most of the boxes moved, just the big furniture to go now and he'll have that done today ....

i have not had a cigarette since midnite last night ...

i still need to put finishing touches on Deb's room - one more coat of paint on one wall, the stain glass decals on the window, clear some baskets in the bathroom ... i'm so excited! we're having a pint after work to celebrate.

but first i will get 2 nights of having my place all to myself and as a bonus it's my DO on Friday.

check out the grands from hallowe'en last night - devi the princess and seth the adventurer!

letter to the boy

i love you and i am sure that i will miss you once you are gone for a bit, but i think that we are both more than ready for you to get out there and get on with it. there were a few things i wanted to pass along and we don't get much uninterrupted time to chat anymore.

i'm quite proud of you son. it is very important that you have found both a passion and a career in food. you may never be wealthy but i am fairly sure you will be happy. you learn quickly and though you may on occasion be a bit stubborn (don't know where you got that from) persistence generally pays off. you have the gift of the gab for which i will take credit, and a fairly analytical eye when it comes down to choices that are good for you (please continue to use it).

keep looking for the new challenge but remember it needs to be balanced with a bit of routine so you don't bounce right off the planet. if you travel, remember you can always phone home collect (please call once in a while). keep up with the flute playing grasshopper, it's small easily portable and then you always have music when the batteries for the mp3 player wear out. remember to paint something once in awhile. give angus bodhi cat some extra treats from me once in a while please.

i would like you to understand that my separation anxiety is more for me than for you. you're young you'll adapt, i have great faith that you will be successful, you already have the tools, you just need to organize them a bit more coherently.

me - i have big plans. i'm going to quit smoking tomorrow. i found out this morning that i have lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. i am going to get my credit hell under control and reduce my consumerism. then hopefully sometime about 2 years from now i'm hoping i can take a trip to europe (after i get kitchen cupboards).

looking forward to family dinners at Amanda's and seeing you on your occasional day off (maybe you'll cook for Deb & I? I'll do the dishes).

you are always in my heart
mom

knights of knee

as many of you may know my knee has gone rather wonky over the last year or so. sometimes it stiffens up and won't bend, or it feels like it's going to collapse when i step on it, and then it makes it hard to do stairs ... and then it will be fine. completely freakin' random. in fact, there have been occasions where i went out and danced so much my feet hurt the next morning but the knee was fine ?

so i got xrayed and saw the doc and now i am waiting to heear when i will see the orthopedic surgeon - no biggy - in out and done - local anesthetic even.

so there is a foreign body in my knee - no mensicus tear (that's the cartilidge that acts as the buffer between the bones) the doctoro figures its a piece od calsium growth that has broken of or a hunk of cartelidge of unknown origin as there are no visible tears that may have produced it.

so I called the Dr. Babar's office today to find out when my appointment will be - and the receptionist tells me - they'll contact me in about 10 months ....... WTF!
however, instead of losing my mind and letting the lips take over, i took a breath and asked if she knew of any other surgeons that might have a shorter wait time. Yes! She suggested Dr. Rodwan whose waiting list is only a few months - much more handlable. So now it's back to the family doctoro to get a different referral to this ither doctor who can see me in 2-3 months, though that does not even begin to address when the actual surgery might be.

thank the hundred little gods (and pj and my dad) that i take responsibility for my own health care.

lovely monday

a huge and heartfelt thank you to all the peple that celebrated my birthday with me - it was an absolute blast! pictures on crackbook later this week. HUGE HUGE thanks to Abigail & crew for spooking up the house of pain and letting the ghoulies run wild through the night and Katier made these little ham & cheese stuffed buns - delish!

Highlights:
i got to see ALOT of my friends and family ;)
my dad called me AT the bar on Friday nite and sang happy birthday to me.
it snowed at 9:30 Friday nite, right on schedule - only once in 32 years has it not snowed before my birthday.
I got home Friday nite to a spotless kitchen and the stainless was all shiny and the hall and livingroom were clean .... it was freakin' GREAT thanks to my kids Amanda & Chris & Murray
I got shiny stuff and winey stuff, and things that were very miney stuff!
my girlchild made me supper and I splurged and had mmmmm angelfood cake with the grands!

and now it's off to work.

5 on the 27th #2

i love you so much that when you sing to me my heart grows 3 times bigger and my aura gets 3 times brighter.

you're strong and smart and beautiful and you deserve better.

why didn't you call me today?

what you did caused so much more than physical damage. you broke the friend rule. you betrayed him and then abandoned him, and that makes you a coward.

i don't hate you, or even resent you any more, but I really do think you are one nasty bastard.