blogging for a year review:

change is eternal ... La diva's ideas for a year in review: go back into your backlog of blogs and use the first sentence from the first post for each month of the past year. . .

Jan - zippity doo dah day, roll over and bathe in the wash of sunshine on buddha gold walls, warm happy safe. bronchitis battle rolls on, with me mostly losing.

Feb - 2nd: I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, got caught up on my daily tasks yesterday. though I know there are several letters that will claim my attention this morning; I may yet get to some of the project work I have planned.

Mar - the 3rd of the 3rd: okay then, was back to work this week - and glad to be there, people starvation had set in solid.

Apr - 20 sentences, my friend abigail found this interesting idea on Saviabella's "blog, inspired ~ she wrote her own list. devi turned 7 and Charlie was born - 1st of the homely crew babes.

May - Abigail has an inside track on 5 question interviews for bloggers. seth turned 6 and camping May long at Sherwood.

June - the 5th: holy crap it's June and May whizzed past me ... as did June. working the 3 day week plan for summer with my vac days on Mon and nonDO firdays - worked great.

July - camping was such a release. weather was great - thank the hundred little gods for the patio. reading the bright yellow book from Cody - was very hard not to just fling it away.

Aug - the 3rd: the famdamily was of to the EX Wednesday afternoon - thought we'd take advantage of the cooler weather 28-29 and the breeze that was blowing. the dead celebrity party was a riot alice.

Sept - actually the 4th : sorry i haven't seen you in a bit, it was labour day longweekend which is the girl's ritual weekend away at Lu's camper in Sherwood Forest. bellydancing started & i'm lovin' it!

Oct - me knee has learned a new language. after a 5 day week that was just go gadget go - it really shouldn't have surprised me that there was a fraturday nite abourning in this last weekend of September; the ladies auxilliary was out in full force - and some of the members we hadn't seen in a while also arrived. Later on in the month we had a lovely triple birthday costume hallwe'en party at the House Of Pain.

Nov - It is the 1st of November and the boy has most of the boxes moved, just the big furniture to go now and he'll have that done today .... well the last of it was out by the end of the month and for the first time since I was 16 there are no piles of kids stuff anywhere ;) Katie's 19th bday was celebrated in high style with formal wear at the pub.

Dec - from the 2nd : curtis birthday friday was a blast. The O'Hanlon's Ladies Auxillary meeting of the broads party was a lovely chaotic crush. pre-christmas in moose jaw was terrific with potluck, and santa eve & day were spent in a lovely relatively quiet family christmas with my kids and grands. Boxing day at the pub saw quite a few of the crew too.

result: i figured i made entries on the 1st exactly half the year. not too shabby at all. i didn't whine too much. i like lists. i have been late on my "5 on the 27th" 1 out of 4 times... i don't beat myself up as much as i used to. i have loads of friends. my life seems to be going in a different direction than last year. all i can do is hope i didn't take a wrong turn and enjoy the ride.

if you get a chance sometime just after midnite - say this phrase: om mani padme hum
namaste

5 on the 27th #4 ~ just a tad late

beautiful eyes and a great smile ~ tall, old enough to pull at the LB. a captain no less, and a car. strong and gentle and good - great family reputation and a steady part time job - my parents loved that i was going out with you (they swallowed the fact that you were 3 years older because the other options were simply not to be considered). you were dependable and romantic and a good kisser. but you were in the end, a small town boy and i was trouble on two feet. i apologize sweets, you were my boy next door and i was the delinquent braless flag you waved at your parochial parents when they pissed you off.

you were my guilty pleasure, my secret hideaway. early mornings redolent with the mouth watering aroma of fresh baking and warm sugar glaze as i took that first big chomp while the glaze was still dripping. ripping down the highway in your 65 mustang coupe - as fast as we could go and careening to a stop so that we could make love in a wheatfield (take a sturdy blanket)... the first time you let me drive the Kawy - man - that was huge!!! the original chevy van with the orange shag keyhole & the minifridge for my strawberry angel. you really should have seen the look on my mom's face when she found my riding leather - the one with all the fringes you got me - i think she would have been okay if i hadn't told her how really old you were when she guessed wrong. what a rotten child i was, but then that's why you loved me. ditto.

i never did fit into the societal structure. at 16 i needed to be needed. you needed someone. married at 16 & 18, in spite of them all, we set out to make our own little family that would just love us for who we were. though i never regret my children - man were we stupid. what did we really think we were doing? did we think? hindsight being 20/20 we might want to have waited till we grew up a little before imposing our craziness on our kids. they are turning out great though, in spite of us ... it's always circles isn't it?

heat. we danced close and closer all night, with the barbies gaping in disbelief when you ignored their attempts to snatch you away. sunglasses at night. so tuned to the vibe my knees were trembling and you asked if i had a shower at my place. i did ;)

you lifted my heart and dissappeared me down the rabbit hole. our mutual obsession for 5 years & soul love by bowie, shades by iggy and most of the pistols carried us to faraway places. mushrooms, spandex, heavy metal and an endearing curiosity. you were the penultimate peter pan and though i never realized it i was wendy and her brothers all twizzled together with a sprinkling of peter's boys just for the explosive effect. bring on the hook - he cannot prevail because we are invincible!
but we were wrong. i started to grow up and you left me for someone who would share your happy place without question. idol, medora, the trainride ~ treasured memories all. you are my heart friend and i miss you.

the year of overcoming entropy

this has been a tumultuous year for almost everyone i know. small defeats and large miracles. looking back it has been all about the importance of moving forward.

look back all you want, but do not get stuck there. just because reality is "blahblahblah" today, does not mean it has to stay that way. if you do nothing to change it/yourself/the situation - it will maintain or devolve into something truly horrendous.

if you choose to make a positive effort, great or small, change will occur. the outcome is never guaranteed, but at least you are choosing. enough of the pushme-pullyou indecisiveness of modern wo/man.

take a fucking stand.

this year i had a double handful of friends who persevered made a change or took a stand. palinode for his health care. abby for her dignity. schmutzie for her femininity (no - really baby - unknowingly or not you did) savia for song. patty & deb for their mental health. brad for not smoking. asi for daddyhood. katie for adulthood. nick dee & gio for family values. rod for self reliance. at least 6 people who refused to be doormats. laurie for daily idependence. the Wrocks for committment. mur for growing up & out. pixx for her kids and her refusal to let the system throttle her, mandy & chris for plugging through the daily grind, everyday - together, and chedly for allowing himself the time to heal. bren for self image, kory for his health and carrie for her fitness.

to all the people around me who make the little and big changes, hard as they may be.
THANK YOU.

this year I learned to be comfortable with the word cunt. thanks for the book cody!

onward

it's christmas eve

it's christmas eve -
time to down-a-few-pints and get-up-and leave

i'll take the buuus - to the dotter's hoooouse
sneak in the doooor - quiet as a 300 pound mooouse...
the kids will squeeeeal with chiiildish gleee -
and jump up and down on my wounded knee ....

it's christmas eve
it's christmas eve... and i love every min - ute of it!

to everyone i knw, and those i have yet to meet - a happy santa season!!!

fun with cheese

after many requests for recipes from the meeting of the broads - here goes:

Cheese Ball
Ingredients:
2 pkg 500g cream cheese 1/2 small white onion diced fine
1 Tsp worcestshire sauce 1/3 red pepper diced fine
1 Tsp lemon juice 10 twists of ground black pepper (coarse)
1 Tsp Lime juice 1/8 C parsley flakes
1 C shredded cheese - (monterey jack or an jalapeno mix is tasty)
1/2 C cashews ( put them in the coffee bean grinder/food processer and crush fine - or you can always beat hell out of them with a rolling pin)

Instructions: Cream ingredients together, shape into ball.
Roll in crushed cashews ( or other nuts of choice - never mind ...).
Options: add nuts, hard chopped fruit, different peppers, dill, crab, other seafood, ham, etc.

Spinach Dip
Prep time: ½ hour
Ingredients:
2 pkg frozen spinach thawed & drained 2 C sour cream
1 C mayo (miracle whip for tang) 1 pkg Knorr cream of vegetable soup
1 can water chestnuts finely chopped 3 green onions finely chopped
1 C cheddar or marble cheese grated ½ sm red onion finely chopped
2 Tsp dill (optional) 1/8 C chopped fresh parsley parsley
1 Tsp worcestshire sauce S&P to taste
1 or 2 loaves of unsliced pumpernickel bread 3 sticks celery chopped fine
Options: shrimp, crab, bean sprouts, shredded carrots, lemon grass, tarragon, garlic

Instructions:
Mix all the dip ingredients together and chill at least 3 hours
Slice top off load and cube, hollow loaf out and cube interior, slash sides of loaf 2 inches deep
Fill slashed loaf with dip, and arrange cubed chunks around base. chop up extra bread you'll need it. Nan bread and pita bread in wedges work well for displays.

mmmmmmm.... cheezey goodness

the saddest day

15 years today ... my world stopped, i couldn't breathe, i couldn't speak, mind numbing terror and anger and loss. my mom was gone. i was empty.

15 years and it's like it was yesterday and a million years ago.

i love you mom.

on the 4th day of christmas

my true love gave to me -

Four fro-zen fingers (do not drop a smoke in a fluffy snowbank as the hand heat will get it wet)
Three winter coughs
Two wobbly feet
and a set of dead lights in my tree.

the OLA doubleD party was a roaring success thanks to all those who stopped by and hugs to those who didn't make it. it made me realize how much i love to entertain. and i now know the seating volume comfort limit of most of the rooms in our place. living room 12-14, office 6, bedrooms half a dozen, kitchen 2, smoking deck 5-6. At one point there was just about 30 people there. lovely lovely lovely.

y'all just made my week.

on the 1st day of christmas ...

my true love gave to me ...

a dead set of lights in my tree.


... and right at the top no less! like i needed to add another to do to my not t'done list.

so today is holy crap i have to get all of this done today day. i was woken up by a call from my sister at 7:45 on my day off with bad news about a friend, my unfulfilled wish that the problem with the happy lights would magically disappear slapped me upside the head (you'd have toknow how anal i am about the tree to understand the true depth of that particular tragedy), 10 time consuming tasks that absolutely must get done today and a cheery good morning from the head cold i have been avoiding for the past two weeks.

on the upside, it is my day off, a couple of friends have promised to give me a hand with the list and minilights are cheap.

wish me luck, it'll be off to wallymart later.

and a most magnificent happy birthday in absentia to aurthur guinness.

thursday

AAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

sloggin through the murk

i know i was productive this week but it certainly does not feel that way.

my heart goes out to a couple of people who are dealing with relative trauma (sending all good thoughts) and unspeakable loss (just keep going forward). thank the hundred little gods for my sorta stable family of the moment.

it's probably just reaction to the first week of real cold and OF COURSE with the weekend coming on it looks to get colder -28C tomorrow at least - before the wind. sounds like a good night to stay in, finish up the christmas cards and get some of the resents wrapped. think i might stack the candles in the fireplace and pretend.

was at the screening of 2 new films this week. certainly amusing (i love irony) a fair bit of tongue in cheek juxtaposed with supper 'en cheek and followed by cheeky villeins and a bit too much vomiting chicken for my taste. loved the gypsie schmooze. but it WAS FUNNY and an evening out with the girls is always a good time. strangely enough i knew one of the actors, and one of the actors' moms.

regina is such a small tiny insulated little place ... why am i still here?

i didn't lose it!!!!

i won a solid sense of self satisfaction at a small job well done - most days - even if i didn't win anything from the nablopomo prize list.

i didn't lose the lens camera from my "oh my god are you an idiot for spending that much on a camera" camera. my friend la schmutzie picked it up when she saw it adventuring among the pint glasses ans has saved me a trip to look for it in person.

i didn't lose my sangfroid when the tools at 4 separate computer stores treated me an ID10T problem before they even spoke to me.

i didn't throw my poutine with the frozen FROZEN cheese curd and broken plastic tine at the malignant tumours that were manning the tills at A&W saturday at lunch time, and after waiting 20 minutes and watching 6 or 7 other people get served i decided enough. i asked for a refund for my poutine which had yet to arrive - "oh here it is now that you're at the till and already done your burger and coffee" and lo and behold - not one of the 6 people behind the counter knew how to refund a single item, so they refunded my for my poutine, drink & burger. so i also won my lunch (looking for the positive here).

which reminds me I owe my sister $5 for the greycup game.

and today i won the "you are the best grandma in the world" award which i will collect on santa morning from my devi when she sees that i found her an $#@#^@#^@@^$@^@ - it's a secret and she's a smart little cookie...

sunday morning/lunch

curtis birthday friday was a blast. i was so happy to see so many of the crew that don't make it out too often, even my seester- i still have to process all the pics though.

spent sat afternoon with my friend Renee, we'd found the laptop she wanted friday am, but hadto wait till the shipment came in on Sat. we got to the store - still not in ... heavy sigh. we'll have to go back later this week.

lots of art and glue and glitter with wax paper snowflakes and the grandson. we watched a movie, had pizza with no green peppers and he had pop and pudding and applesauce. we stayed up till 11pm cuddling in the big chair and had a very good sleep. yogurt and grannysmith apples for breaky - pizza for snack, and lipton's chicken noodle soup for lunch. we've done the dishes and vacuumed and he has beaten me at 2 games of itsy bitsy spider, though i did redeem myself by winning frustration.

then it's off to his house to make paper bag reindeers and my daughter is making sunday supper.

gotta love the weekend!

NaBloPoMo nomo' (humming deck the halls)

tis the last day of na blo po mo
no more mid-nite paaa-nic attacks for me.

throughout the month, just trying to remember
and posting at least SOMEthing religiously.

i am finished
i have done it
some of my posts sucked, that's the way it be.

but i completed the goal that i stated
gone now is that responsibility.

MMWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA


personalities:
your soul shines through your eyes on the cloudiest of days and brightens my world each and every time i see you. you are an accumulation of all that is good: kindness, compassion, patience, open hearted, handed and minded. you remind us all what we WANT to be, even as we're fumbling along our paths. and as if that wasn't enough you have pizzazz, attitude, intelligence and you do a great dance. so when your internal glow is awash with pain from an uncontrollable source know that you just have to call me, i'll be there sister.

thursday

made it through the week ,,, damn but winter is here with a vengeance,

wicked wednesday

by the hundred little gods that wind out there today was SNAP. i was at the UofR today and as soon as i saw the strikers i was very thankful.

snappy repartee from narrow minded commentators insults me: "what-ever, they make more than we do", "i'll take that job", " or the ever so erudite "f#@$ers!". such an astonishing vocabulary for a college boy.

they may make more than you do (usually though not always, ) through investing time and effort, education, training, and experience. lots of people do - you're a student. it is quite possible that you may not meet the qualifications to apply for that job. if you do, have you applied? what this group of f#@$ers is doing supports ALL workers by serving notice that a business cannot be run successfully without employees. the principals upheld here, seeded society with a demand for wage & labour standards, ohs and equity.

understand this, no sane individual prefers snow slogging at -22C on one of the windiest freaking intersections along the parkway. i am fairly sure most would prefer heated workspace and fair day's pay for a fair days work. have you asked one of them?

so thanks to all those sisters & brothers who stand visible & strengthen our solidarity.

5 on the 27th #3

you took me with you on a romp through the discovery of sex with all of the enthusiasm and curiosity of youth, without any prudery or twisted perceptions. just good old fashioned enjoyment of the gifts of our bodies that has lasted my lifetime. always will you have a special place in my heart wherever you are. (it didn't hurt that you were a juvenile delinquent on parole from kilbourne and my mom told me to stay away from you ;)

i told my parents to send me to Dale's House, they sent me to Luther College High School to live in the dorm. my girls and I met you and your guys. it started out as you and Chris and me and Mike and after 2 days we realized we had it wrong so we switched. you were a lightening rod. i loved to run my fingers through your mane while we were making out. remember the mattress fire? i still howl at the look on Mike's face when he realized it was himself that was burning. in the end you were a bastard and i walked out heart broken. long since forgiven.

my unknown saviour - tall blond, suave with a hot car. i was 14, the police were on strike. you and your sister donna and her boyfriend darrel picked me up walking down Victoria Ave. smokin' strawberry and lime, frisbee with the wascana authority guard's hat. i had just had my heart broken and you seemed to simply want to take care of me. 3 dyas and i ran away from your intensity. but what a blast! you found my dad's number in estevan and called there 3 times a day until i got there a week later. remember the storm on the way back from north portal and supper at caesar's? your mom was wonderful. then you ruined it. no one does that to me. i snuck back to the house after everyone went to work, broke in, took my stuff and hit the highway. you found me again 3 months later in juvie hall and talked my social worker into allowing you to take me out for my 15th birthday. you wore a baby blue crushed velvet suit (smashing). we went to Sahara Nights when it was still an upscale restaurant. too much wine, a little reefer and some great face - it was a wonderful birthday. we were done and i never saw you again.

ahhh my great tormented love - a tragic romance - love at first sight - you made me feel wanted and needed and safe in a world where there was no place for me. my love for you knew no bounds and refused to die no matter how hard the system stomped on it. do you remember April Wine and the VW or Dr. Hook's "Little Bit More"? breaking you out of juvie jail was a rush. every time we got together chaos ensued - it was glorious.

cookie, sweet & tasty comfort food for the soul, a 10 day interlude that got me through the devestation of john's betrayal. it always hurts most when it's your friends that stab you in the back right under your nose. we met randomly at an after 777s house party. both of us bored - staring at each other. we went outside for a smoke and watched the dawnrise later - sort of ;)many zoomers, the BEST ACDC concert and several deck days later we both had to go back to work. that night at Kenny's still makes me grin like a cheshire cat.

the riders won and hell has now frozen over.

holy crap - was it ever snowing out this morning - big fat fluffy flalkes that fill in your footsteps faster than a cab will come for you. it was cold and my knee was aching and the curse made everything else stiff and sore, which sucks because i didn't even go out and party last night! - never mind the whining, so i called tmy normal taxi company and chatted with the dispatcher who answered the call, who said NOTHING about an extended wait, though i could see that happening the day after the victory kafuffle last night.

so it's REALLY dark out still at 7:40. I smoked a cigarette. i made little tractor tracks in the snow. i brushed the snow off my self... and i was starting to get chilly. should i go in and trudge up the stairs to call the cab company bany back thereby missing the cab when I am halfway to the condo... can not miss the taxi ... and then it was light out (i don't wear a watch i suck the energy out of them) so it must have been awhile - when i noticed my filled in steps. enough

instead of trudging up to my place a bothered the boys in #2 and they called for me so i could keep an eye out for the taxi just in case. and the woman says "Are you sure you didn't call another company?" (it's now 8:15 and I have to be at work by 8:30)

"look, i only call this company because the others stink - literally or lie to me - i called, the dispatcher joked around with me and told me no, so I said please LIKE I DO MOST TIMES. (though i didn't yell at the time as the would have been completely counterproductive). and then i went dowstairs to wait, which i have been doing for tick tick tick for 40 minutes now. when can you have a cab here please?"

"is this 2212 cornwall calling - #3?" i said yes. "we never received a call from that address"

talk about a service person who doesn't even register what you've said ...

the cab came at 8:25, i have had an otherwise good day except it's the first day of -20 and with the windchill it is a brisk -34. hope the wind is behind me.

grey cup day

yay - the riders won .... boo the bombers lost. there has to be a winner and a loser. i am trying t0 convince myself that that's okay.

11:47 almost missed it ...

mmmm saturday - slept in until almost 10, mind you i didn't get home till midnite and i still haven't got the christmas cards done ... or the never ending gods bedamned laundry.

went to the psychic fair at the catholic church .. you heard me correctly ... quite blase with the exception of the chakra reader and the labyrinth the Rainbow Youth Centre kids made - it was beautiful - and they did it on canvass so it's portable. however on the topic of contradictions the stations of the cross is also a labyrinthan pattern. altogether different from mazes, no dead ends or offshoots and the path to the center is also the path out. it's a gathwering of focus and release after centering. crete's labyrinth was supposedly created to trap the magical energies of the minotaur. it is also purported by some that all of the greatest of the ancient cities like Troy and constantinople were built over labyrinths as well. London too actually, based on the traditions of the earlier peoples before it became an urban center and was a simple collection of verdant hills.

i also came across some infor on mayan astrology which i have been looking for for a while nbow - so that will be an interesting winter project.

a lovely luch at donnakaykes with miss PJ and a tour of some of the 13th avenue shops. ihad no idea A CUP of Tea was even there. brought home some Latte Moachohita" tea, which smells like coffee. hmmmmm - not for me - just tasted wrong - not bad. should have got the raspberry or the jasmin - transcendant. we went to awarehouse for a browse - and for the first time the person behind the counter just didn't fit with the ambience of the store. he was a discordant note in an otherwise welcoming tone. supercillious, arrogant and nowhere near as knowledgeable as he attempted to present. i'll go back another day and pick up what i wanted.

then i messed about around the house, played a whack of crackbook scrabble - even got 3 - 7letter words in one game. deb & i got the invitations out for the OLA - Meeting of the Broads.

and now to bed.

hot diggity ...

this has been the oohso long whenwilliteverend yegodsihateitwheniwhine damnmykneehurts week. and now it is done. well almost.

as i sit here listening to the newly installed burner in my pc humming along copying my back up files (you do burn back ups of your stuff once in a while don't you?) i have a deep sense of accomplishment for all of the work i have managed to finish this week. i even managed a pint or two with the crew at the pub and Stace popped over for a bit after, dinner with my son at his place, a visit with Lu at her's, downloaded a few movies, played some scrabulous and even took the garbage out.

i am supposed to be going out visit da goils but i think my knee has put the kibosh on that & my dance night may have become gimp night BUT i finally got my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon - can you believe it - NEXT WEDNESDAY. my xrays are ready and waiting to be picked up and then it's off to the Kinesiology dept at the UofR. i shouldn't whine though because i've lived through back pain and this is NADA compared to that - BTW - YAY AIDEN! - painfree and mobile once again. i am hoping it doesn't take as long to get the surgery on my knee - or they don't come up with the "elective" crap - but thanks for the incontinence tip cause when the knee she goes i can't get to where i need to. it hasn't happened yet and i don't want to borrow trouble but if it gets the knee fixed sooner i'm in.

anyway, the deal with the knee is there's a hard nodule floating around in the knee cap and it doesn't hurt or even seem like it's there until it gets stuck BETWEEN 2 muscles/tendons/pieces of cartilage, but when it does .... and the effects are random. PAIN stiffness - load cracking - the knee collapses, can't lift anything using that leg as foundation (lift from the knees), stairs are bad leg first going down and bad leg last going up while twofooting each step and this week we add to the list the back of knee pit gets sharp dagger like stabbing sensations immobilizing leg from hip to ankle - BUT it doesn't swell, it's not constant, and i'm only taking IBProfin for it.

so today i will just be thankful to get everything done and have a nice relaxing weekend. (even though i really really really want to go dancng" OH YEAH, that's where i was going in the last paragraph - the big problem with my knee is that it limits where i can go - i walk everywhere and i love to dance, in fact i usually walk to work.

sitting

how often do you take time to just sit? ignore all technology, unplug the phone, put something comfortable on, and just sit...

hear the wind buffet the too thin 50 year old panes of fragile transparent sand and wonder how many more blows that membrane can withstand before it shatters, tinkling like dropped christmas ornaments. feel the thrum though the hardwood of the train mindlessly rumbling through towards its next destination... an echoed squawking as a vee of geese push harder for the lake on their annual trek to warmth and longer sunlight...

thump thump thump thump thump - a stranger hastening downwards on the stairs ... a quiet steady undetermined hum, it's the fridge. the heartbeat of a clock just down the hall... silent tears sliding into the laughlines drawn by years.

an ancient waft of smoke as the door across the hall swings open and closes, igniting the nicotine hunger staved off for several hours. cookies baking downstairs, chocolatey goodness calls as sweetly as the lady once did. let it go. breathe.

that little bumpling just above your right incisor, the slight numbness on the trembling edges of your baby toes. pop crackle snap as you shift position on the floor.

the sudden screel of the beater outside revving for heat, stealing that last thought that was so important and now its gone.

breathe.

sit.

be.

the world will not end if you find a moment or two of peace.

suspicious minds:

The lovely Schmutzie tagged Abigail who tagged me .... and so on which is a wonderful little aid for interest in this the last third of NaBloPoMo.

The Rules:
Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
Feel fantastic.

things that make me suspicious are ...

1. when someone asks me if i "like" something ... the brain says "why do they need to know?"
2. if i haven't heard from my kids for a while and any of the first 3 sentences are "i love you, you're the best mom, or guess what happened to me..."
3. when a sentence begins with " i overheard, i'm not sure, or just gossip but" i have to wonder what the motivation of the speaker is.
4. when objects are not where i left them or go missing entirely
5. when people tell me I"look great this evening" - it feels great, but there is that niggle in the background going "and what do i look like any other time"- and yes i know i don't see me the way other people do.
6. subways and underpasses - for some unknown reason i always think something is going to drop on me from above.
7. beggars who ask me for "coffee money" - especially when they reek of lysol
8. most promises - we're people, we're fallible and i am fairly sure that there have been waaay more broken than kept.
9. "if you loved me..."



Tag You're it:
jukebox hero
pocket buddha
smyrish
that girl
and sometimes why

cell phones

i had a cell phone a couple of years back and it was really handy whenever I wanted to make a phone call. i didn't want to give my number to very many people as I didn't want to be found or bothered by the continuous ringing of the phone when i was out and about. I carried one for a year and a half for work (i was on call) and i did get used to the convenience.

however, 2 years later i am still cell free and content with it. there is nothing that pisses me off more than being in the middle of a really good conversation, argument, business meeting and having the other person put me on hold so that they can answer the thrice bedamned cellphone. and then continue to hold a conversation on the phone, only to forget what we were talking about to begin with. that behaviour tells me that i am not valued, or at the very least valued less than the phone call. now granted sometimes it is an important call, and a request for a moment's interruption is not at issue. but when the call is nothing pressing could you not just take a message and call them back, like if you were using a wireline phone that you could not take with you every where you went?

and that is just the people i know.

then there is a whole nasty world of inconsiderate strangers infringing on other's auditory lives with their digital pollution ( i'm not speaking of everyone - just the bastards who interfere in my daily grind) . some of us do have hearing that works very well thank you. and we hear YOU, with your grating ring tones that can be heard clear across OHanlon's at midnite on dance night, shitty renditions of popular (to some) tunes or a plethora of digitized noises that range from R2D2 and C3P0 to electronic farts. please exercise a little bit of oh so uncommon courtesy and turn down the volume on the phone and shut the fuck up.

I am sick and tired of hearing all the halves of bad conversations. i do not care to know how sick the buddy got last weekend - especially in graphic detail, nor do i want to listen to some whiny little barstar crying over "Him" or "her". i do not need to listen to half of a story about a game i'm not interested in, or about people i do not know. please just turn down the volume on your side of the conversation or get a better phone.

but now I have discovered "jammers" - some wonderful little devices that fits in a pocket and will jam all cell signals for an area of 9 meters around the jammer. yes they are illegal in North America and so is marijuana. they are being imported in larger and larger numbers and with any luck will soon be available anywhere there is enough of a market - that would be everywhere.

i have asked nicely. nice didn't work. the jammer will solve the noise pollution problem quite handily. all i want for christmas ...

well another day, another 12 dollars

work craaazzzyyy busy. got in early, worked through lunch and forgot to take a coffee break. not complaining, just an observation. my job, like my life is fairly hurry up and wait, hurry up and catch up, oh wait now... planplanplan ... damn , best laid plans...

i am still trying to get help tp mpve the loveseat from the 3rd floor, down to main out the door in my door up 2 flights. it's light and not too bulky .....

i believe i will go and have a bubble bath now.

night

internal conflict

YAY! the riders won. i live in sask.

YAY! the bombers won. I was born and partially raised in winnipeg.

damn!

I guess either way I both win and lose ...

a good time had by most

all dressed up and where do we go? the pub. katie in a floor length blue number shimmering in sparklies. abibail in her new frock and jules in a short little spring green number. stace fabulous in leopard print and elbow length gloves. sharon was suited up and her dotter was skirted as well. i went a la chatelaine, with pin striped full length suiting AND heels (little tiny ones yes, but heels nonetheless). rod as ever, was semiformal, Danny and Dan in a couple of sharp suits and aiden quite dapper with the french trench and fedora. a huge crew - lots of smiles and a dollop of dancing. only a few of the crew missing the action ... we missed them though and cheersed them as well.

my devi is over for a girl's night. we went and got groceries & cooked supper, watched a couple of movies with dessert, did some laundry (she loves to go in the basement). she whopped me in frustration and by 10 pm she wanted to go to bed. angels they are.

i spent 4 hours this am sorting through the almost 600 pics we took last night and ended up with 311 i wanted to keep, cropped shopped and shrunk. i created a crackbook album - and it hung... another .... tried to edit the first - hung ... created a third (and in the meantime rebooted pc, dumped temp files, cleared cache etc ...) still no go. maybe the crack is too busy - it was midafternoon .... try later. so half an hour ago .... i deleted 4 old albums that i didn't want to delete - thought maybe 20 albums was an unknown limit. created 4th new album, clicked create now ... hung .... %$)(*&%^(^$$#%$*$&^%@$#@$#@%#^%I*%^#*%(I%P*)$%

you get the picture - or you don't - none does .... aarrgghhhhh!

here's the whole crew we could gather at a random time last night:

for me, it' back to trying to get the damn things posted .. wish me luck ;)

friday

aiden get's out of the hospital today and katie turns 19. off to the formal party at the pub ;)

thursday

long day - nothing to talk about - nite!

oh! - bought some pretty snazzy shoes today ;)

almost midnite

wednesday - hump becomes lump becomes limp day

brain hurts, realized at 7 tonight i had not taken my allergy pill. doh! better now.

workin' friday now, but i actually found clothes in my closet that fit me again.

off to beddy bye.

tuesday tuesday - my good news day

hopefully my friend the palinode is having his suspension adjusted this afternoon and he can burn his membership to the "I walk slower than a turtle club" (i have no idea how long it'll be before i can burn mine but i am working on a third referral to an orthapedic surgean - still trying to get a freaking appointment)

abigail has found some spark ..... who hoo!

savia managed to get to bc to be with superstar.

david emailed me his number so we can get the loveseat moved ;)

my devi girl sent me an email.

i found i nice pair of mitts for Deb, whose lost 2 pair in one week at dollarama lama bing bang, which my son and i toured when he surprised me by showing up at my work to take me for lunch (though i had already had a small thing of frys earlier) he bought all kinds of stuff, I bought mitts and borrowed 10 bucks :) HAH! now there's a turnaround...

damn but his showing up sure did my heart good. a bit of mommy anxiety plaguing me since yesterday.

gotta run, love y'all

keep thinkin' it's sunday

well the feet are much better after dance night. i find that i am missing my son ... my friends just look at me and shake their heads at me. never freaking satisfied.

love the place though, and having Deb around is a treat.

her book boxes have now made it to the storage room - we are both doing the little happy dance. now i just need to get a hold of david so we can move the loveseat in.

and the phone isn't ringing all day.

relatively content.

rememberance day

it's about respect, historical, current and future ... participate

Who are you?

Someone asked me who I was the other day and I figured that I am the sum of my experiences supported by my desires and principles. I am an extaordinary machine, so here I am:

Experience: I've had all kinds of jobs from service industry to retail, small town cab dispatcher, was a nurse's aid in a senior's home for a bit but my compassion got me into trouble there, waitress, bar wench, short order cook. Office cleaner, Avon, Tupperware, Coppercraft, Trichem, pizza delivery, sold diamonds, denim store manager, student, tutor. Spent a couple of years as a front office manager for a re/maint. business and I've been at my current company for almost 14 years. Started in customer service business and residential, call center, 7 years on the support desk, facilitator & trainer, tech asst with AV and the last 2 years I have been a Communications Analyst, which is just a fancy title for writer. I consider myself lucky because I get up every morning and go to a job I actually like to do, and from my experience there aren't that many people around who get that bonus.

Relationships: Been married (16 & 28) and divorced (23 & 40ish)- twice obviously, but for the most part not bitter, shit happens and people change, get over yourself. I have made a serious effort at releasing all the crap we generally hold onto, though the occasional memory may spark a moment of angst it's generally a flash in the pan. I believe in love. My daughter is 27 with a boy and girl of her own (they are 7 & 6, and a limitless source of joy to me) and her partner Chris, whom I consider my second son. My first son is 24 and just moved into his own place this week. I am very proud of my kids, they have managed, in the face of all kinds of dysfunction and heart rending experiences to become people I am blessed to consider my friends.

Creation is my motivator. A tailor who doesn't sew much for $$ anymore, mostly just interesting projects and fix me ups. Drawing with charcoal, some pastel and I love to paint - houses, murals, landscapes and art glass. COLOUR INTESITY ENERGY I learned to carve 2 years ago, to make reverse molds for solid pottery, and to use a potter's wheel for small projects. Now there is a skill that will take some serious time to master. Love to cook and hate to dust. Bringing old furniture back to life, renewal is a strong theme. I try to be as environmentally friendly as I can.

MUSIC, the chord that ties all the strange little bits of me together. I play piano (rusty) and years ago played drums and bit of bass guitar. In my youth I had a great voice now it's fairly gravelly but I still sing along anyhow. Today I'm listening to Irish Tenors, Leonard Cohen, Fiona Apple, Sublime, a little Tool and Leon Redbone. With music comes dancing, love ballroom never learned any latin except the tango, though it intrigues me - strange how life gets in the way - My son and his friends dragged me into the rave scene (for the music not the E) for awhile, where I found the joy of closing my eyes and grooving IN the music. There is NOTHING like 20 feet of speakers informing your bare toes that the grass is ready to accept your footprints while the torches illuminate the swirk of other dancers all together, and yet all alone.

People are sustenance for this gregarious girl/woman/child. Friends range in age from about 17 to 76, we hold each other up and we hold each other down. We let us be who we are without need for plastic and pretense, I am surrounded by love and all good things and a hug is never very far away. It's like a mobile village and you run into your neighbours everywhere you go. It's grand! A social butterfly, surrounded by people - doing whatever, it's a very tasty vibe.

An eternal student, I have a BA and enough credits for 3/4 of 3 other degrees but no real drive to complete them - career in hand, university was about the learning. I would love to d0 my masters but practically speaking, that will have to wait until I am not working fulltime or I win the lottery (note to self - buy a ticket). HUGE reader, I devour books. Used be totally focused on technology but now I'd say I'm just an amateur geek, who just this week could not remember the" msconfig" command because I haven't used it in so long.

Beliefs: the golden rule, heart sense, active compassion, friendship, spirituality, communication, truth, personal honour. life as a celebration and a gift - don't waste it.

Biggest stresses are weight & smoking, an interminable war my whole life. up and down and up and down, stop & start. Now both are slowly creeping downwards. Eat healthy small portions often, exercise, avoid fats and sugar - don't buy smokes & avoid places where others are smoking - I know the drill - work in progress, but then aren't we all.

TGIF

thank all the hundred little gods! the bios are done and the sofa is moved - managed to pop over to Lu's for coffee and Murray's PC and internet are working. Time for a pint.

mommy-hood

so you spend your life doing the best you can for your kids. sometimes that best isn't so damned great but it is still all that you have. and you can be sure that in any life, some dysfunction will arise and you, the mommy, will feel like you have let your kids down.

i have had many of those moments. i have apologized for them, tried not to repeat them and gone forward.

but there is a certain point in a mommy's life where a situation will occur where knowing that her child needs help, she will be unable to provide it. and it's fucking heartbreaking.

with my daughter, it was when my mom died - 15 years ago this year. we had had a lot of deaths in family and friends that year and my mom was a light in our lives, she loved my kids and tried to spend as much time as she could with them. my daughter was 12 and her best friend had passed away only a few months before we lost my mom. amanda was already reeling from trying to handle that loss when my mom got very very sick, and then she was just gone. 5 days before christmas... and i was completely lost. and i couldn't find a way to help myself or her. it was all i could do to put one foot in front of the other. we since dealt with my failure to be there for her - i think - sometimes it's hard to tell.

i had never been in that kind of situation with my son before. there have been a few rough spots where he was having to deal with things that i simply couldn't help with, but i was there - for support, to listen, whatever. this week, he needed help and i was quite simply at the end of my resources and i did not have what he needed.

there is no more profound feeling for a mother, no matter how old the child is, that they cannot provide the assistance that their child needs. needs not wants.

wednesday

my knee hates me.

i am the first one to beat cloudsley on crackbook scrabulous. took several games though.

my grandson lost his front tooth today.

there is still an extra sofa in my living room.

nablopomo .. is not a real word

i am actually beating cloudsley at scrabble - just a sec (runs and checks the night sky) nope the moon's still white, hell hasn't frozen over cause I see no ice .... better not count ze chik-ENs before zey are hatch -ed.

productive day at work - 2/3s done the bios ... made homemade from scratch chicken barley soup and then deb came home and made pasgetti - tasty tasty

move still not done - tomorrow tomorrow - it wil be tomorrow - it's only a daaaaaaaaayyy aaa wwaaaayyyyyyyy....

MAKE SURE YOU GO VOTE please.

nablopomo: the mom song

laugh till you cry - the day after my last child moves out: life is irony!

the mom song

and we're just about done ...

one more truck load tomorrow - and Deb's stuff will all be here. the kitchen is already organized and her room, just has to sort her 23 boxes of books - keep this one out, put that one downstairs... and once the last load gets her and leaves here we'll beable to organize the living room a bit better.

art work is hung, mask collection moved, though there will be boxes everywhere for a coupla days.

my cableguy was here about 4 - they were supposed to change my package and the tech cut me off on the outside of the house. and there was a cable mushed. fixed. and still the package change hadn't happened. so i called and asked for a credit for my inconvenience - she said only 2.50 for 2 days down, so instead she is mailing me several coupons for pay per view movies. ok.

angus bodhi cat has come out from under derek's bed to scuttle under derek's couch. he is eating regularly and being regular in his litter box which makes derek very happy. i still feel badly but i do feel better.

my place no longer smells like teen spirit.

11:53 pm - almost blew it

it's saturday, the house cleared around 10ish - still some crap to move tomorrow. have to pick up some groceries. missed going out with the girls (sorry laurie) but needed to get his shit together - and of course sit down to find some entertainment and the damn cable is "temporarily off the air" and then nothing 45 minutes later, access is finally sending someone tomorrow - first they said thursday - i don't freaking think so! what about dancing with the stars???

either way - very busy day. angus is not happy where he is. i feel guilty. my son is sick - and there is nothing i can do to help. my grandson is being an nasty piece of work - just completely disrespectful and defiant, throwing food etc ... and he actually said to me that YES it was okay to throw food - in your face rude this little 6 year old. did my time with that sort.

lots to do tomorrow, cheers

nablopomo #2

it's too early on a day off to be up and at em already ... almost all of Mur's furniture has been moved out except for his mattresses, the computer and his chair ... and Josh's couch. and about 20 boxes of Deb's books have arrived. not quite on schedule but pretty close considering the 4 different schedules we all run on. Mur will crash at his sister's till Saturday when the rest of the move will be completed. angus bodhi cat is going to move today - which is a BIG problem for me because i love him SO much but i have become very allergic and so is Deb. and i will miss my friend who comes and purrs me up when he knows i don't feel well or if i'm sad - who plays fetch and talks back to me like a person, who licks my eyebrow to get up and feed him at all ungodly hours. he's been part of the family for 4 years and it's REALLY hard to say goodbye.

seeing light at end of tunnel.

first day of nonsmoking lasted about 18 hours, 2 smokes with Sharon and Deb. Note to self, avoid the pub for at least a week - the urge is strong and dk is weak. starting over...

Nablopomo is here : #1

It is the 1st of November and the boy has most of the boxes moved, just the big furniture to go now and he'll have that done today ....

i have not had a cigarette since midnite last night ...

i still need to put finishing touches on Deb's room - one more coat of paint on one wall, the stain glass decals on the window, clear some baskets in the bathroom ... i'm so excited! we're having a pint after work to celebrate.

but first i will get 2 nights of having my place all to myself and as a bonus it's my DO on Friday.

check out the grands from hallowe'en last night - devi the princess and seth the adventurer!

letter to the boy

i love you and i am sure that i will miss you once you are gone for a bit, but i think that we are both more than ready for you to get out there and get on with it. there were a few things i wanted to pass along and we don't get much uninterrupted time to chat anymore.

i'm quite proud of you son. it is very important that you have found both a passion and a career in food. you may never be wealthy but i am fairly sure you will be happy. you learn quickly and though you may on occasion be a bit stubborn (don't know where you got that from) persistence generally pays off. you have the gift of the gab for which i will take credit, and a fairly analytical eye when it comes down to choices that are good for you (please continue to use it).

keep looking for the new challenge but remember it needs to be balanced with a bit of routine so you don't bounce right off the planet. if you travel, remember you can always phone home collect (please call once in a while). keep up with the flute playing grasshopper, it's small easily portable and then you always have music when the batteries for the mp3 player wear out. remember to paint something once in awhile. give angus bodhi cat some extra treats from me once in a while please.

i would like you to understand that my separation anxiety is more for me than for you. you're young you'll adapt, i have great faith that you will be successful, you already have the tools, you just need to organize them a bit more coherently.

me - i have big plans. i'm going to quit smoking tomorrow. i found out this morning that i have lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. i am going to get my credit hell under control and reduce my consumerism. then hopefully sometime about 2 years from now i'm hoping i can take a trip to europe (after i get kitchen cupboards).

looking forward to family dinners at Amanda's and seeing you on your occasional day off (maybe you'll cook for Deb & I? I'll do the dishes).

you are always in my heart
mom

knights of knee

as many of you may know my knee has gone rather wonky over the last year or so. sometimes it stiffens up and won't bend, or it feels like it's going to collapse when i step on it, and then it makes it hard to do stairs ... and then it will be fine. completely freakin' random. in fact, there have been occasions where i went out and danced so much my feet hurt the next morning but the knee was fine ?

so i got xrayed and saw the doc and now i am waiting to heear when i will see the orthopedic surgeon - no biggy - in out and done - local anesthetic even.

so there is a foreign body in my knee - no mensicus tear (that's the cartilidge that acts as the buffer between the bones) the doctoro figures its a piece od calsium growth that has broken of or a hunk of cartelidge of unknown origin as there are no visible tears that may have produced it.

so I called the Dr. Babar's office today to find out when my appointment will be - and the receptionist tells me - they'll contact me in about 10 months ....... WTF!
however, instead of losing my mind and letting the lips take over, i took a breath and asked if she knew of any other surgeons that might have a shorter wait time. Yes! She suggested Dr. Rodwan whose waiting list is only a few months - much more handlable. So now it's back to the family doctoro to get a different referral to this ither doctor who can see me in 2-3 months, though that does not even begin to address when the actual surgery might be.

thank the hundred little gods (and pj and my dad) that i take responsibility for my own health care.

lovely monday

a huge and heartfelt thank you to all the peple that celebrated my birthday with me - it was an absolute blast! pictures on crackbook later this week. HUGE HUGE thanks to Abigail & crew for spooking up the house of pain and letting the ghoulies run wild through the night and Katier made these little ham & cheese stuffed buns - delish!

Highlights:
i got to see ALOT of my friends and family ;)
my dad called me AT the bar on Friday nite and sang happy birthday to me.
it snowed at 9:30 Friday nite, right on schedule - only once in 32 years has it not snowed before my birthday.
I got home Friday nite to a spotless kitchen and the stainless was all shiny and the hall and livingroom were clean .... it was freakin' GREAT thanks to my kids Amanda & Chris & Murray
I got shiny stuff and winey stuff, and things that were very miney stuff!
my girlchild made me supper and I splurged and had mmmmm angelfood cake with the grands!

and now it's off to work.

5 on the 27th #2

i love you so much that when you sing to me my heart grows 3 times bigger and my aura gets 3 times brighter.

you're strong and smart and beautiful and you deserve better.

why didn't you call me today?

what you did caused so much more than physical damage. you broke the friend rule. you betrayed him and then abandoned him, and that makes you a coward.

i don't hate you, or even resent you any more, but I really do think you are one nasty bastard.

autumn

rough and tumble forever in transition like the season you for which you are named (strange since you were born in June ;). contantly sloughing of the old and embracing the new. ready for anything and dancing on the edge of excitement with every new experience. feet first, no frail and flighty thing but a girl with determination to get done whatever it is she has decided she needs to do. big hearted and openminded like only children are. soft and gentle as a kitten hiding in a cave when hurt or frightened. creative imagination rampant across the pages of her art. music of life thrumming in her feet with every single bouncy step she takes. shake what your mama gave ya'!

I love you bunny.

anti dk

2 more sleeps

one of the small problems with maintaining the mindset of an 8 year old is the inability to NOT get excited about one's birthday. at 46 I have alot of friends in denial and defferal modes. me, I want to celebrate. turn on the music and dance, dress up and be outrageous, be the center of attention, have cake & candles, party with my friends and have all of them have a good time too! LUCKY FOR ME that i also have a bunch of friends that love to have a good excuse for a party and several friends with birthdays close to mine, so we are planning a multibirthdaycostumehalloweenbash and abby is even breaking out the disco ball! dance hall fame is bright in our future - so me and all of my other single digit minded confederates will be hootin' and a howlin' saturday night, S_A_ T_U_R D_A_Y_ NIGHT (the denial & deferral crowd will recognize that song heh heh heh) I'm sure by sunday that my knee will hate me, too bad!

i figure that it is another year survived, and if i'm doing it right, lived well. i didn't break too many toys. i lost a few friends and made a double handful of new ones. i've been in the "new" job a year and half now, and i think i enjoy it more than when i started if that is humanly possible. i've kicked the sugar addiction and replaced it with crackbook. i exercize more and managed to lose some weight, though that is a constant bloody struggle that occasionally puts even my persistance to the mat. i haven't quit smoking, but i used to smoke at least a pack a day and for almost 2 years now, a pack of smokes generally lasts me about 4 days - so long as i don't go to the patio. my back is in much better shape since i started taking belly dancing classes (and practicing at home) however now my knee is buggered, there's a "foreign object" floating around getting stuck in the most excruciatingly inconvenient places - waiting for an appointment with Dr. Babar (remember the books - really that's his name!) gotta love it.

my grandkids are terrific and they keep me on the ball. i got my first emails from them since before summer and it just made my freakin' day (we do spelling and since they are in french immersion the dk makes struggling attempts at remembering her french grammar and says thank you when corrected by the children). i say with pride that my family has made great strides in actually being a family this year. my daughter started having SUNDAY DINNER, and my son started going over every week - for a whole year!!! I think they may have only missed 1 or 2 sundays (mom's heart growing bigger than grinch's - but don't tell). Chris (Amanda's man) has become a regular part of the family, he's pretty hilarious actually. Amanda & Murray have managed a truce from the dysfunctional remains of their earlier lives. the kids get to visit with the uncle they just adore (Seth is convinced that uncle Murray is really a NINJA) and dk pops in about once a month to share the wealth and not interfere too much (stop laughing - i work really hard at that - and it's hard). dad & viv's health is stable and Mikey is doing well. the seesters and their families have aslo gained a little stability this year - YAY!!!

and it's thursday and though i'm not completely caught up i am not behind either - it's about the balance sister.

almost a week ..

i just realized this morning that I have not posted a thing since last wednesday. social buterfly that i am, I have been quite busy flitting here and there. Last Wednesday saw an out of town visitor, my friend Jo (abigail's mom) join us down at the pub which is always a good time (see the pics on crackbook) and as fate would have it the last of the deck days (now we know for sure that winter will be arriving shortly). a fairly huge chunk of the crew showed up some time during the evening and silliness ans smiles were the order of the evening. Thursday I had a lunch date with some friends that don't get together very often and it was like all the time between, just didn't happen except that sassyB is better than his hotness from 10 years ago and Liberty Boy is now an old married man. Thusday nite was a catch up at home, watch Ugly Betty, and deal with the sad revelation that iI have not been able to lay my hands on an essential part of my planned hallowe'en costume (it'll have to be next year I guess), so it was get the alternative ready to go and a knotting and a sewing the dreads we be... and of course catch up on my scrabulous games while sorting pictures and doing backups from the laptop. up quite late on the computer since my DO was Friday.

Friday was clean my room, do my laundry, charge the camera, get a bday card and get my ass down to the pub by 4 to save a table for my nephew Mason's 19th bday party. with no deck (took down on thursday when we weren't looking) i had forgotten how full the pub would be. I found one little table fr 4 way off inthe back where i cannot see who is coming in but managed within about 20 minutes a move to the front of the pub with a table for 6, 8 if we crowd the chairs. the problem started when more people than i had originally anticipated showed up - like 5 more - and I had sort of known they might be coming but never had confirmation - but it's our pub and a lovelier bunch of people you've simply not met. there were 2 gents sitting at the big lugnut table (seats 12-20 depending on how tight we squish 'em) so I asked them if they would mind switching and just like that - problem solved. it was quite the party, by 10 i sat midpoint in table and there was my family on the right side and my friends on the left and me, in proverbial pint heaven. i took scads of pics, some of which I haveposted on crackbook already, most of which are processed.

and then it was Saturday morning, and i was starting to drag my but a bit but it was up and at em nonetheless. finish the laundry clean the bathroom, touch up the graffiti covering, Peter and an unmotivated Deb came over after lunch and Peter installed the new office light fixture for me - though I did not have the correct lightbulbs - of course. then we realized that the fixture that I had picked out for the kitchen (second one) had the wrong sized base - so much for that, and Deb decided that she wants to put her fixture up in the bedroom so there was nothing to do there either. I will be making another to trip to HD to return, replace and pick up alternates and a new dimmer switch some time this week. then it was call the girls I haven't seen all week and chat with the grands, grab a quick bite to eat and get ready for a little karaoke at Bubba's with Kory and crew. too funny - Bren runs the karaoke and most of us are too chicken to sing, but we have a great time together and when the dance music comes on we're shakers and movers.

Sunday Steph and Hayden came and picked me up for a java at the Orange Cafe. ye gods but Hayden is one happy bouncy little bundle of joy! the perpetual motion machine with a giggle that lights up the whole room! he gets this one look - just the most mischievious little devil, and looks just like his dad. then we went for groceries at the local Safeway. I was absolutely ecstatic that I got out of there for under $150 and Steph was a doll and gave me a hand hauling the goods up the stairs since Mur had to go to work waaaay early that morning. clena the fridge, etc put stuff away, cook up some basa poi and get ready for supper with the grands, but that got cancelled so I tracked down some other people I hadn't been in touch with for a week or so and caught up with them and decided it was time to wash the bedding etc. finished up sewing the belly dancing veils, gathered up the library books to return tomorrow and attemted to go to bed early. hah! sstupid freakin nightmares... ah well.

and then it was Monday and happy to be back at work (sounds crazy I know - but really) only to find that the usual weekend influx had slowed to a trickle giving me a chance to catch up on a few other things! talked to the grands, caught up with the daughter, ratted on one of my best friend's son, tasty supper, dancin with the stars and slept like a baby last night YAYAYAYAYA! up at 5am today. in early to work, doctor tomorrow to see about the knee and my birthday is in 4 more sleeps.

running with scissors

very fast - love y'all. fighting with knee. busy at work. trying to get the house together for Deb's move and my halloween costume for the bday bash, and the belly dancing veils made for next monday and and and ... gotta go

huzzah!

for fraturday nights to sweep the blues away!

damn ...

step clickety, step click clik, step ceerack clik, step clickety, step crackle crunch - CRUNCH? what the hell was that? my knee cracked so loud the 2 girls already on the elevator heard it and peered at me with a sort of bemused "holy crap did that sound come from her knee-it must hurt- why is she even walking on it - man she should lose 100 pounds" amused expression.

no shit sherlock. and yes it does hurt. even the xray technician could hear it and when she did her eyebrows hit her hairline - results next tuesday.

so it has been an exasperatingly long week considering there were only 4 work days and whew! am i glad it's over! plagued by little or no sleep and that interupted by subconcious panic attacks where i am trapped by criminals or at the least, VERY nasty people with personal violence soon to follow, which i find myself helpless to do anything about followed by running away as fast as i can - into a dead end. jolting into reality sweating ans shaking and in fear for my life at 3 am, or generally 2.5 hours after i fell asleep. petrified to go back to sleep. and after the 3rd night in a row, too apathetic to even try. I just find something to do until it's time to go to work. but i apparently have no trouble at all falling asleep at my desk - while i'm typing - or reading ...

my son asked me if my knee hurt while i was running away ....

now i am usually competent at determining what the source of my fear is. it is a challenge to be ound and dealt with. usually something beyond my control, however my life is fairly together these days so i am at a loss. unless it is just a build up of those few things that i seem to be unable to stop or start myself from doing, even though i REALLY want to accomplish those tasks. quit smoking, lose weight, get fit, manage my money better. i have certainly improved on all counts over the last year - no question. NONE of them is uber-pressing. damn .. it must be something else - what is it?

this is my crazy. knowing that there is some underlying source of tension within myself and not being able to find it, though i am sure the lack of REM sleep is not particularily helpful. and i end up in all kinds of circular analysis and simply cannot find the key to the maze/labyrinth/dead end trap. then the doubt spreads and i start questioning little decisions and then it's my judgement at work, and next i am SURE that i start inventing things, and as karma wills, those invented little oppositions start to become reality ..... and the hamster wheel kepps spinning.

so my knee is buggered and i have to WAIT for results, my living room is full of boxes, i have several home improvement tasks i haven't gotten round to and 2 sewing projects. i missed going for a pint with my friend sam before she goes back to jtown. 2 teeth broke off my upper plate last nite when i bit into a chicken breast, i cannot stop sneezing and i am angry and nasty and bitchy as all get out. oh yes and the doctor told me that everyone's breasts are 2 different sizes (which i knew) and that though i think the difference is huge - it really isn't and that the hormonal changes that begin when you are pre-mantalpausal can cause some fairly strange things to happen, the hyper sensitivity of a woman who doesn't really want to deal with that crap makes everything seem worse. thank you docter frankenstein - you fucker.

but it's friday. and the denturist fixed my plate for free before 9:30 this am. for an hour this afternoon my knee didn't click. i got all of the articles for the newsletter done (a month ahead of time) and approved even with my second guessing myself STOP! - aha! - that's why i am doing so shitty on the crackbook friend quizzes - apart from the questions that i truly don't know - carrying on... my son is packed and has assured me that there is no problem with his move. my grandson is fine after is gatorpult on sunday. and my other 2 kids Chris and Amanda paid me back some extra money I hadn't planned on.

aarrrggghhh! pint time

the name meme

from la diva (i started this Oct 1 - and forgot to post it ;)

Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following... They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
Your Name: donna kay
Famous Artist/Band/Musician: donovan
4 letter word: diet
Vehicle: don't got nada
TV Show: dancing with the stars
City: donnybrook, western australia
Boy Name: driscoll
Girl Name: druscilla
Alcoholic drink: down the hatch
Occupation: desktop publisher
Flower: delphinium
Something you wear: dolce & gabanna
Something you do: dance the night away
Something that you like: diamonds
Celebrity: donatello (the best TMNT)
Food: Das Hagen
something found in a kitchen: dishcloth
Reason for Being Late: don't have a clock
Cartoon Character: donkey kong

Each one teach one

i was reading an interview by Latifah today and came across those words. so simple and clean. no obfuscation, no attempt to mystify, making everything ever clear.

she was talking about female MCs but it goes SO much farther than that. past gender race creed or culture. we all have skills/ethics/values that other people may not have heard/embraced/known. and as adults it is our duty/role/responsibility to pass them on. your life evolves from a single set of experiences to a fractally expansive life-experience with each person you teach.

love, patience, persistence, self control, self worth, humour, honour, basic human decency - all things i try and share with everyone i know and in the process i hope that they will pick up what they need. teach by example. and that's just the ethereal, then there are all the practical skills we can pass along to others: cooking, sewing, painting, furniture refinishing, basic plumbing and how to wire a light fixture, musical instrumentation, computer skills, relationship building, not to mention the all important correct usage of the comma.

my mom was a teacher. she taught me by doing things with me not for me. she was great and i miss her every day. my dad was a banker and never taught me anything about financial planning except that i had to save my own money for the rainy days, i should always pay my bills on time, and I should not overuse any line of credit. all good advice, but what about GICs RRSPs and pension planning etc. he lives in moose jaw and i miss him everyday too, but in a totally different way ;) i learned the lessons, i just have trouble with consistent practical application.

each one teach one, that's how you reach one. make a new friend, help an old one

"To be compassionate is not enough. You must act." Dalai Lama

monday off

a festive fraturday night to catch up with the fraterfamilia with many toasts to Alexander Keith's 212th birthday. much frivolity, some really tasty canapes ond horse doovers, green antlers and glow in the dark necklaces, a walking camo-man and a portable kissing booth care of smilin joe.

saturday was a quick trip to the pub to retrieve my elephant only to find that someone also found a hippopotamus by the bar. a quick pint with the boyos and back to the house to do laundry and spend waaay too much time on the crackbook. watch a movie, run the antivirus, charge the camera battery - you know ...

so the trip to moose jaw went well except for the faceplant my 6 year old grandson did from the back of the gator. they hit a bump in grasshopper lane and seth was launched like a piece of popcorn out of a popper. glad they were on the grass and not the tarmac. it was heart in mouth time - let me tell you. he must of hit with the shoulder and chest then bounced sort of somersaulty to head and tailbone. picked the grass out of his hair then a trip to the hospital to be sure nothing was broken with, a refreshingly quick response by the emergency team - less than 2 hours - REALLY. nothing broken, but bruising all down his right side, a small bump on his head and some minor scrapes and abrasions none worth a bandaid, but he's going to be sore for a couple of days poor little bugger. not quite as scary as when my son fell out of the back of his grandma's moving station wagon (about the same age) and into 9th avenue north. the difference being that my son opened the back door of the wagon himself - and just happened to be driving the gator.

so it's back to the regular weekend chores today and brunch with my friend PJ shortly.

happy turkey lurkey day

past & passed

mongol brought his new (last october) wife over for a java last night. she's wonderful and he's a very lucky man. he has 26 guns now and wants to buy a harley which the voice of reason has kiboshed until the little niggles are all caught up (brilliant girl). i missed my little brother - heartwise - we've known each other for 20 years and he is amazed that little amanda has 2 schoolage children. he remembers my phone number without having used it in 3 or 4 years and he came bearing gifts - snow goose - mmmm nummy.

time passed but the connections are timeless - here - now. we looked at pictures to try and make sense of who the crew were and how they got to who they are now. i forgot to take one of them. they seem comfortable and happy. we spoke of the past, and people who had passed through our lives, leaving impressions and continuing on their way. it raised some ghosts for me.

sheila what happened to you? curtis are you still hermitizing in some spitandyoumissit flatlands burgh? brotherB are you still breathing? fortney - answer your thrice bedamned phone. keppel i lost your number in quebec and i have no idea what name your number is registered under. cora lynn you got married and i don't know your married name. brenda did you ever have any kids? shelley p - how are you and the baby girl/toddler doin? sweet cherry, how many grandkids do you have now and are you still in brandon? jen-girl, out on the coast i so hope you are happy. yvonne i hope you stayed out of jail this time. glen did you stay in the forces? mr. sinclair i hope you ended up married to someone you deserved. sugarman i still miss you. mike i release you and dave i forgive you, you poor bastard.

thurs am

i was sick - i have not been on the computer. i missed the celebration for a really great friend. i missed mofo delurk day. i missed meeting la Diva. life sucks.

on the other hand, my son has packed all his stuff and all he needs now is an address.

WTF - it's monday already?

after a 5 day week that was just go gadget go - it really shouldn't have surprised me that there was a fraturday nite abourning in this last weekend of September. the ladies auxilliary was out in full force - and some of the members we hadn't seen in a while also arrived: like crazy d and madame cucaracha (they have had WAY too much to deal with for frivolity lately) whom I've missed the past 2 weeks. I hadn't seen miss engaged and handsfull Joe for awhile either and palinode was looking almost happy (he finally has a date for his back surgery - light at the end of the tunnel) and the schmutz was the camera meister for the evening. the sheriff had his happy on and 4degreedan got in his share of riposites. darjill were discussing shrek possibilities for hallowed eve costumes. debpet stopped by for a pint before the fafard opening & pocket buddha and knuckletoes are always good for an anecdote or two. so many of the crew stopped by for a hug and a kiss or a giggle or two ~ boisterous behaviour and many many belly laughs filled the autumnal air and the weather was just freakin great! we patio partied into the wee hours until abby, the heinman, prettygirl and myself decided to top the night off with the traditional sidetrip to Trif's and munchout before crashtime.
saturday morning and 7 am and why the hell am i up and at 'em already? oh yeah right - it's cleaning day. blechhh - meh - fah - ptui (all not considered words in scrabulous) but it needed to be done. oh and laundry too (joy joy joy joy down in my heart). home d'kockaleekie soup (add real chicken celery onions garlic & potatoes to Lipton's chicken noodle) a quick trip to the store and it was a stay at home day but I did spend close to 5 hours playing scrabble with many many people, finished 2 books, caught up on Ugly Betty and Dancing with the Stars and finally watched the Bourne Ultimatum.
sunday - i was awake before 7 - but pushed angus bodhi cat off my head (he licks my eyelid to wake me up when HE thinks he should be fed) and decided to try and stay asleep a little longer. then the phone rang around 8 - a wake up call for the boy - and i pulled the blankies over my head and tried to ignore the world. bah humbug. not more than 45 minutes later i was up and moving. puttering and muttering, phone calls and family thanksgiving arrangements and then it was off to visit the grands (my daughter Amanda makes family dinner every sunday and I try and be there at least once a month) i took my much vaunted favorite Dr Sueuss books the library had ordered for me "The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins", and Bartholomew & the Oobleck." the grands were not as impressed as i was. devi(7) enjoyed them far more than seth (6) and we played the piano and dinner was scrumptious roast chicken with smashed potatoes and kernel corn and REAL gravy.... treats for dk. then the chris whomped me at scrabble - twice. and of course it was then the "let's kick dk's ass realtime" evening in scrabulous because Chedly took me out 3 times and Ach'tung just slayed me twice - yet did i give up - of course not - for me it's all about the playing - remember - i will always be 8 years old :)

a la schmutz

several friends of mine have voiced a concern intrinsic to writers everywhere. who are my readers and what do they think? do they care? why don't they say hello? i know there's alot of paranoia out there, and some of it for a damn fine reason or to but really - most of us are relatively harmless and in the virtual world we don't even have teeth! so join us in

The Great Mofo Delurk
leave a comment on every blog you visit October 3, 2007

5 on the 27th #1

BE BRAVE
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." Anais Nin

So la schmutzimo is doing the 5ox365 thing where she writes 50 words about someone whose fullname she remembers who influenced her life baji naji. like the great abigail, i will not commit myself to doing this everyday because sometimes social butterflies don't get near a computer for days on end. we could, but we don't ~ like camping trips and folkfestivals and week long patio parties which require 3 entire days worrth of sleep just to catch up from. so Abby, she had a great idea - once a month on a particular day she will write to 5 people of personal influence and keep it as vague as required in order not to stir the curent crew's drama stew should any of them be involved. i thought about it and this works for me too. SO ... I will do my 5 people paragraphs on the 27th of each month (MY BIRTHDAY NUMBER), though I tend to be a little more pointed than the world traveller ;)

1. In 1968 my grade two teacher Mrs. Flom used to make errors in pronouncing my last name. It's not hard, there are no silent letters and an even proprtion of cvowels and consanants. nordquist. she would call me southeast and northwest nordtwist ... get the picture. then the kids would ride me mercilessly and i was forced to bloody several noses and shred the knees of several promising pugilists in defending my family honour. Thanks for the help teacher.

2. Cora Lynne Olsen used to live 3 houses down from me on Beaverbrook Street in Winnipeg. She was by bestest friend from kindergarten until halfay through grade 3. I have lsot her in all our frequest childhood moves. i have pictures though. Brownies, guides, swimming lessons, the production of "There was an Old Woman" at Rainbow Stage for summer theatre. sleepovers princess hallowe'ens and playing doctor with the three muskateers in kindergarten. her mom wove on a loom. we were both auburn and her sister Anna Marie had the most gorgeous long blonde hair ... You made my life happy Cora Lynne. I wish I could find you.

3. Uncle Fred Debrecen. you were cool and urban and oozed style and rejoiced in me being me. you let me explore and deal with my own consequences. you were one of the first to notice that i was an old soul who only needed to be allowed to seek out opportunity to grasp it. the semi transparent human profiles painted onyour living room wall interested me in real art. thanks for taking Les and rollerskating and to the movies and letting us go to polo park with hmmmm - Randy and Brian? theytaught me how to play "george of the jungle on the drums" which i learned to play properly much later. You are wonderful and Leslie is lucky.

4. Thank you for marrying me in grade 5/6 Tommy. I wish my mom had not made me give you the ring back. your kiss made me weak in the knees and your dad was HOT!

5. mtg you didn't just break my heart you spent years shredding it. that's why it seems I get angry whenever i see your name. it's not anger it's pain.

hump day

my sudden realization that next wednesday will be in october (not like it should be a surprise but the end of deck days always does that to me) hit me last night as some of the crew shared a few pints and a toast to one of the best summers many of us had enjoyed in years. though there were many detractors concerning the high temps and humidity, most of us wallowed in it like sneetches on beaches. the whole payoff for the seemingly endless flatlands winters is the extreme heat in the summer. soak up enough of it and you might stay warm through the long cold night that is always just around the corner.

this year we even get a real autumn! the trees started turning about a week or so ago and the rain that has fallen was not accompanied by whirlwinds so the wooded avenues are capped by flaming banners of red, gold and umber, glowing against the deep green of conifers or against a sky that can't decide whether to shuffle along in dirty sheepskin slippers or make us shiny happy people with it's endless cerulean expanse.

crispy mornings and lazy just warm enough for a few pints on the deck afternoons, with evenings greatly suited to a fire in the backyard pit with cocoa and toasted marshmallows. not quite cold enough to start up the indoor fireplaces though the rads in my condo are occasionally practicing there distinctly out of tune chorus as they kick in in the wee hours of the morning. clunk clunk crank hiss splutter warble clunk. each rad has its own anti-rhythmic voice and I have at least come up with an idea to reduce the splutter hissing noises.

plans for the hallowe'en costumes are aborning. i am blessed with a bunch of crazy talents for friends who jump in whole heartedly to the madness of creation for the best holiday of the year! the house of pain has been booked for the costume party which will also serve as a celebratory platform for several birthdays, mine included on the 27th (which is actually my birthday), so I am quite looking forward to the hoopla. abby is even going to get the disco ball out! oh happy day!

my only problem now is to decide what i want to be this year - I already have 3 or 4 costumes i could use but it's startin' to feel like some added effort might be required ... and my twisty brain has ALL these ideas popping in and out. we'll see. i was into the tickle trunk (actually my old kitchen cupboards now employed as extra storage in my room) earlier this week for material to make a veil for belly dancing - which turned out smashing by the way - i wonder if i can find an old men's black suit jacket? ... and a skinny tie maybe ... and off the imagination springs down another creative path ...

well off to work we go ... hope everyone has a great day!

Daaaaaaay - O

de dayay de dayay de day ay ay O
daylight come and I don't wa - a - anna go.

another bright bright bright ... sun shiny day

ah feel good! whooo like I knew that I would now ...( little jazz feets)

belly dancing and belly laughs - cures the ills, at least for this morning - and that's all good ;)

thanks bob

and schmutzie, savia and abby .... too hilarious and a great idea

the Top 5 : la diva meme

for la diva and her homesick sister: we've started a meme for Kristen, each one is another flatlands hug :)

Who are your TOP FIVE FUCKABLE CELEBRITIES? (and it has to be celebs only, musicians are another species altogether) these are mine: in no particular order

1. Djimon Honsou
2. Sean Connery
3. Angelina Jolie&BradPitt ( if the diva can double up so can i)
4. Johnny Depp
5. Samual L Jackson

only 5 - that's just sooo limiting. now, what to wear .......

another week

hmpf! , apparently I've been rather less involved with my digital life this week. i didn't answer my emails for like 4 days, or go on crack book more than twice and I haven't said hi here since last tuesday.

my humblest apologies.

i have been crazy busy at work, had visitors from out of town, friends with problems that needed my assistance, belly dancing classes, bronchitis, the hilly billy patio party, a friend's dad passed away, one of the adopted tribe is off to costa rica for 4 months so there was extended family supper, a son that should be moving out next week but i have no idea what the plan is and a distinct and recurring urge to curl up in my nice warm bed and sleep.

but today i am wide awake and bushy tailed and off on a journey once again... wish me luck.

catch up

busy busy - everything went well till sunday morning. which sucked. long story, suffice it to say that there is a certain person who has let himself in for a freakin' whack of bad karma - though it was not related directly to me.

note: do not piss off a mom.

1st belly dancing class monday night. amazing - had so much fun, though i did scare myself when we started shimmying - there were parts of me moving that i didn't even know were there! quite hilarious with such a wide assortment of women. there are a couple of girls 16 or 17 right up to a grandma of 68. so when we started doing chest thrusts and hip circles the resultant movements were not exactly synchronized. oh, and lordy the arm circles almost set me on a flight path - there's enough chicken wing on me to graduate to a great eagle. YUCK! but that is one of the points, or blobs of taking the class. i did last the whole class and for such slow movements it's quite the workout on concentrated muscle isolations and you work up a good heat. i was exultant that this morning did not begin with my imitation of "the crooked little man with a crooked little house". my knee was kind of twitchy but not really any worse than normal. let us all pray to the hundred little gods that this works to shove me off the plateau i've been stuck on for a few months. i absolutely detest being obese. (lovely word - the doctor tells me it means weighing over 200 pounds - thanks doc, i think i prefer hefty)

then of course there was the power outage last night. i woke up at 3 am to spooky black darkness and could not for the life of me figure out why if the power was out did i keep hearing this beep beep beep beep beep, silence ..... and again .... and again . i grabbed my handy dandy kinetic flashlight and started searching - after 15 minutes i realized it was the alarm on my UPS (pc back up power supply). so i had a smoke and went back to bed sure that i would as usual wake up sometime between 6:30 and 7.

HAH! not after having a completely restless sleep from the damn power supply warning every 15 minutes - and you don't really want to turn it off now do you? needless to say i woke up with my alarm clock reading 12:47 and it was about 7:45. i did make it to work by 8:15, but I've been dragging my ass all day.

Letter to the American Power tower that got blown over:

I just wanted to thank you for my uninterrupted sleep last night. it was so restfule. i am jubliant that even though we supply your country with power at criminally cheap rates, damages to your own power grid result in interruptions in ours. Thank you oh brilliant canadians in charge of signing the Free Trade Act. this is really helpful.