reverb10.5 : Let go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

This year I have LET GO and double handful of thing but the most life changing would be a 4 decades old fear. I have been afraid of the dentist - not girly afraid - I mean a deep seated psychological terror inducing anxiety attacks and projectile vomiting - and that is before I even SIT in the chair, since the age of 12. I turned 49 this year.

Induced by a catastrophic visit to the dentist at a tender age and I am sure exaggerated by my oh so vivid imagination, i avoided that chair with every ounce of will power I had. The only way my new dentist would deal with me was to put me completely out and do the work so that I woke up with it all done. I could NOT sit in the chair without moving and crying and OH! what a to do. The sound of any kind of drill would occasionally paralyze me.

At 18, during my first pregnancy, the majority of the enamel on my teeth flaked off. Time for dentures the dentist said. So I went through the process - anesthetized - but only did the tops. (my mom always told me the bottoms were the worst and to hold onto them as long as I could - (though I seriously doubt she meant for me to go as far as I went)


Anyway, by 30, the bottoms were an "issue" ragged jagged, cracked and the abscesses started. By 40 I had learned not smile while showing the bottom teeth and regular would nick my tongue on the sharp edges in the back. It wasn't good. I would get an abscess in the same spot about every 3 months and my face would swell and my eye would go black and blue ..... yada yada yada. Antibiotics and lectures from my doctor to no avail. AT 42 I HAD TO REPLACE MY TOP DENTURE AND i WARNED THE NURSES OF MY FEAR - WHICH THEY POOH POOH POOHED. Mistake on their part. There wasn't even any pain involved just the whole impression process but I was F_R_E_A_K_E_D right out. At one point I thought I was suffocating and I| think I sacred one of the kids in the open spaced dental room that they wouldn't get back in the chair. Suffice it to say that it was not a happy day.

Then I had problems with the new plate. Teeth kept breaking off, it had a weird overbite and it felt like it was too big for my mouth. I tried to discuss it with the dentist who had them made and they just gave me the cold shoulder once they had my $800. Every time I had to get the plate fixed it would cost me $40. At one point two teeth broke off on a Thursday at 4 in the afternoon and I had to leave town for a family gathering the next day - a holiday so the denturist was closed - and through a process of elimination came up with my own solution: the toughest waterproof crazy glue Canadian Tire had. Be damned if it didn't work perfectly. For years.

At 45 I had decided that I really needed to get the bottoms pulled. I had a low grade abscess all the time in one tooth, pieces of the teeth were breaking off, it tasted so bad - all the time. I had a dental plan - I needed to look after myself and use it.

I started to make dentist appointments. In 2 1/2 years I made 8 appointments with 8 different dentists and actually made it to the parking lots of 2 of them.

This year, with a recommendation from several of my friends, mojo in hand, I made it inside the dentist's office for a consultation. White knuckled, fingers leaving grooves in the edge of the reception desk the nurse asked if I was okay. I almost turned and ran. Instead, tears dripping down my face I looked at her and said, "I am so afraid - just the smell makes me sick." And instead of putting me down or outright laughing at me - as others had done - she said "no problem we'll get this done as quickly as possible and see what we could do to make it less traumatic." And she did.

Arrangements were made, I had 2 months to get myself ready for game day and my lovely new dentist used anesthetic right in the office to make me stupid but not comatose. I went in on torture morning relatively calm, went to sleep and the next thing I knew I was being woken up and all 14 teeth were gone in an hour and a half. After that experience my visits to a GREAT denturist were a piece of cake.

Today I have a great smile, no more abscess, and fear be gone.