short weekends

why do they only make weekends 2 days long? sure it's good for the winter but there is just too much to do in the summertime.

deck-a-dence or perhap drunk-andance was the prevailing wind on last Friday evening. the girls were havin' a p-a-r-t-y night! so were the guys, but once then hen party begins, good luck at gettin in on the convo. great tunes and we were doin some of mick's dancin in the street

please remind me to stay away from the cuervo. it doesn't like blueberry juice in the morning.

and off and running for meditation in the park (cancelled due to lack of interest) groceries (cancelled due to arts festival)- arts festival (cancelled due to other intervening interests) - creating a very zen space on my deck by bringing out the plants and just generally enjoying my space - then a little nap and no call from the girlie so cards with lu and sean - and i actually won - WHOHOO! great game - all on the C hand at the end.

early sunday i dragged my laundry down 2 flights of stairs to discover the damage created when some low brained ham fisted mother fucker decided to break into our laundry room - wrench the faceplates of the washer & dryers off to get our measly quarters and loonies and didn't even have the couth to turn out the light when they left.

let it go. breathe ...

off to the nece's annual ceremony for cadets where she got the last medal she can earn (she has the rest) many many pictures - i am SO proud. and then an afternoon of fun and frolick with my kids and the grands. and many more pictures. and mmmmm tacos for supper - tasty tasty. the hilarity continued as mur and chris squared off in the alley to play horse ... amanda and i just howled at the antics... especially their ability to multitask while dribbling!

work tomorrow - later....

looking in ...

deep inside in the darkest little redoubt, cringing from the brightness that threatens to overwhelm my subterfuge, my masks ... ego lurks embracing shadows eschewing the stillness of infinite terror. unwilling now to slough the fears that keep me walking. unable now to express the wrongness ghosting there. where have i gone?

the open laughing touchy feely wench, feet firmly planted in the ground, toes wiggling in the grass, gaia. heart on my sleeve, passionate intense demanding friend, goddess of creation.

yet here i am shod sleeveless and empty.

haiku for you

haiku foundation
nature season emotive
sounds five seven five

golden fish tumbling
head over tail bubbling
waking the still pond

reuse recycle
landfill treasure hunters find
midden heap lotus

haiku deux

wounded darkness creeps
smothering burgeoning hope
twisting in the wind

anger ...

some anger is healthy, some is avoidable and some just smacks you upside the head and will not let you let go. now i am a relatively well balanced individual (except for a few obsessive/compulsive tendencies that i usually manage to keep in check) but it continues to amaze me that after 4 decades of dealing with the cycles of life I still get so fucking angry when horrible things happen to the most brilliant people. and it is inevitably something i can do absolutely nothing to stop/fix/help.

cancer is an insidious evil that chooses its victims willy nilly with no ryhme nor reason. in my experience it often gets the best first. and we the observers can mouth platitudes and pat shoulders, it just doesn't matter, we are helpless to help our friend, who in the end must come to their own terms with the great evil. what is worse is that it is inside them and they can not get away from it. there it is staring out at them through the mirror, their body a traitor.

so what can i do? i have never found a satifactory answer except let them know i love them and then give them enough supportive space to find some acceptance. i can also not bring it up unless they do. the big C scares us all because we are all susceptible. we need to remember that our fear is nothing compared to abyss along whose edge our friend is treading.

gravity...

sucks your life away
dogs every weighty step
sweat silently drips

ageism ...

how many other adults over the age of 30 are generally pissed at these little twenty somethings that have decided that this is "their" world and that we should just get out of their way? i am sick of sketchy little brats just barely out of diapers telling me i am too old to be in a particular bar or to be participating at a particular party.

i have a right to enjoy myself any damn place i want to. if i want to dance all bloody night then go ME! they can take their disrespectful uptight prepubescent narrow minded attitudes and F@#$ right off. stupid bints.

too old ~ my ass. i'd like to see them try& keep up.

i have to go for a walk now. aaarrrggghhhh!

monday file ...

Saturday was a whirlwind of get it done. out to the Beach early for "Rudy's" grand opening. great little shop run by my friend Lori. great photographer that i am i didn't want to miss the chance to snap some pics of her tres cool wares. and lo and behold - every picture i took, there was like a 6 second delay before the flash went off and they were all fuzzy and out of focus - splttt! so i tried to figure out what button i had pushed on my expensive but now useless toy - and could i find it. no! however later that night i looked at the stupid thing (the camera) and realized that the main dial was set to AV mode not picture mode. i bet i checked every setting on the blasted thing except that one. figures. i had been murphinated.

then it was lunch with Lu and grocery getting followed by another dk attempt to haul all the groceries up the narrow opengrill fire escape ... now that's when i needed the AV mode ... cussing and swearing and banged my nee on the stair rail, and i STILL forgot the thrice bedamned coffee filters. ENOUGH I SAY! the voices are calling ....

and off to the deck i go. beauty day - a little wind but c'mon - this is the canadian prairie and it's good to keep the squitos at bay. some pints and a mutilated attempt at a croosword and it was off to Darrel & Jill's for BBQ. You should see the new barby - HUGE all stainless steel, there must be almost 5 sq feet of grill with a funky little side burner - and it's so shiny - beautiful - I just wanted to get a cloth and polish it till it sparkled, pretty as new chrome on a 57 chev. and the food was good too! great company and a chillaxin' evenin'. new friends & old and the kids with the marshmallows were a howl!

spent sunday am sorting some pics and wrestling with the ^$##@##%#%$# printer.
read a bit on the deck and then it was of to ACDS's for dindin which the boys (Chris & Mur) made - apparently mostly Chris. tasty tasty too! then back home to relax and crash by 9:30.

sat am

outside outside outside



& a happy Mom Day tomorrow

wrapper...

what a glorious week! I only had to work 2 1/2 days, I had union training (learning about arbitration ins and outs) and met some new members of my largest extended family and caught up with others. tuesday evening the angels at the gates of heaven must have been gettin' down with their bad selves by the number of pinters that showed up for deck-adence, even a few souls who've been on sojourn arrived to partake in the festivities. now i'm not complaining about the weather - i adore the sun and the heat - but it is now the season where my guinny gets warm before i'm done so it's time to switch to bombay and lime as the nectar of choice.

glorious Ra beat down on wednesday and an afternoon in the park discussing elliott kicked the braincase back into gear while searing the tender deadfish white flesh a brilliant scarlett - especially my forehead, tightness the next day, not too much pain and here it is friday and it's lookin' pretty tanned.

planning vacation days - and i only have one 4 day week this month, then not another until mid august. much rather have 4 day weekends most of the summer and then a couple of solid weeks off. the air conditioning at work is always a midweek refresher!

my son sent me a note today about the Dalai Lama. Apparently he is considering retirement in the next few years. he's 71 now, so one can hardly blame him. his successor was 6 when he was chosen (may have been under house arrest since 1995). how do you retire from being one of the great compassionate lights in the world? how does one put off the mantle of goodness and harmony and care that is rooted in self to retire? or maybe he is simply retiring from the public and administrative duties required as head of state of Tibet in exile. it certainly makes the point that time is passing faster than we know. in 2009 the Dalai will have lived exiled from his heartland for 50 years. he carries it in his heart wherever he goes.

well enough for now, coffee break is over. looking forward to visiting with my sister after work and then off to Regina Beach for Lori's store opening on the morrow.

cheers and have a VUNDERBAR weekend

hmmm....

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - why do they have locks on the doors?

or

Do infants have as much fun in "infancy" as adults have in "adultery"?

... come on it's monday ~ what do you expect - limericks?

cheers

sunday blues ...

dawn, drizzly and damp stealing the warmth from the light. cool greys and and the splish splashing of drops impacting puddles. cozy nest humming sweetly in the back brain - stay here ...

up and at 'em girlie. you've a list of chores more extensive than the day is long. but that's usually the norm after play day. spent my whole weekend with my friends - it was lovely! lunch and cake with PJ and Shereelee, then off to Henry's for some shopping, deck-adence served up a buffet of camaraderie, cards with Lu was a win this time, life is good.


cheers!

9 days to Mday

well the way things are going these days, i'm not likely to be winning any mother of the year awards - maybe MF of the year ... who knows. here's the deal. before you have children realize that everytime you tell them no you will feel bad and they will be angry. if you do not tell them no you will feel worse and they will still be pissed at you because you did not give them the tools to deal with reality. it's a lose lose. so if you cannot suck it up - do not have children.

and when you get through the teens and think you see the light at the end of the tunnel hahahahahahahahahaha - yeah right.

and if you have more than one child, you will just get the relationship on an even keel with 1 child and something will upset the applecart regarding the other. i do not even want to contemplate having to juggle 3. i stopped at 2, in a moment of enlightened self preservation.

mind you, this is all coming from a woman who needs to fix things, make it all better, help them along and i am sure that a goodly portion of this angst i helped to create. doesn't matter. i still don't like being made to feel that a situation is MY fault when all of the causal effects had everything to do with choices that person made for themselves, but i do feel badly and it makes me sick at heart.

quick note

after much frustration it was determined that my hosting provider had deleted my website in it's entirety. yeah. what's worse is i work for my provider.

i have finally posted at least the home page and will continue to work on it as i have time.

all my photo albums ... wah!!!!!!!

live the dream

I came across 2 quotes today that made me stop and appreciate all the voices in my head.

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." Edgar A. Poe

"When one burns one's bridges, a very nice fire it makes." Dylan Thomas

i think daydreaming is a symptom of the creative imagination which leads one to think new thoughts that breed original ideas. if you dream when you're awake, there is a larger percentage of remembering those ideas and putting them into action. anyone who has ever kept a dream log knows how hard it is upon waking to recall detail or to intuit or infer just exactly what the dream represented.

as for burning ones bridges ... heh heh heh ... occasionally the merry little fire becomes a blazing glory lighting the new path you have chosen to take. live now, release the hold the past has on you and stride forward fearlessly. it's risky, but it's best.

abigail's interview ?s

Abigail has an inside track on 5 question interviews for bloggers ... here's my 5.

1.Who would you consider the greatest love of your life?
Hmmm – now I have to determine what “the greatest” means as in inspiration, good for me, most intense, happiest, most fulfilling, best learning experience, or longest lasting … Who made up this question???
Inspirational would be my mom.
Most intense Chris Dyer when I was 13.
Happiest would be me.
Most fulfilling my children and grands.
Good for me would be the sugarman.
Best Learning experience would need to encompass all the longterm relationships I’ve had because they all taught me what not to do next time. That would make it GlenRickLorneDaveJohnMike.
Longest lasting would be my great love affair with music.

2. If you could party with any rock star, living or dead, who would it be?
A date is two people, a party takes three – so I would choose Bowie and Zappa. can you freaking imagine .... oh the trouble i've seen .......

3. Where are you happiest? on the deck or with the grands. it's a win-win, either way i'm with my friends.

4. What is your morning routine?
Wake up, stretch, thank the hundred little gods that I’m still moving – or not, listen to the noises, look at the clock, feed cat, take meds with juice, eat yogurt, wet & scrunch hair, check email and awaaay we go

5. Is there a fictional character in literature that you really identify with?
There aren’t many that don’t vibrate with me somewhere, or else I wouldn’t be such a voracious reader. the tasmanian devil ... perhaps eugenie, the marsellaise french waif who married the marechale who was adopted and made King of Sweden, and all of the heroines from the torrid historical fantasy novels that are just so much trash and suck you right into them. especially piratical wenches, and tawdry wenches, and the great amereuses' (kept in wealth wenches) of Louis 14th & 15th era. like that.