it's all about the facetime

If you know me or have been following along on my not so concientious efforts at blogging I'm a bit of a social whirling dervish. I've been alive a long time and have accrued several different groups of friends. While there are some cross-overs - not everyone gets along with everyone and who needs the drama of trying to make that happen. Do you know how hard it is to make a reservation for 26 people for supper on a Thursday night?

I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I count myself one of the most fortunate people I know to have more GOOD friends than I can count on my hands and toes. The point being sometimes I find it nigh on impossible to keep up to all the groups of friends I have, never mind the individuals.

So I cancelled my annual Madge camping trip for a variety of reasons which left me with several extra days off.

So I have spent the last 2 weeks investing in some face time with my ladies and gentlemen. Quiet little pools of discussion where you can actually hear what's being said, shared feelings, barrels of laughter, some silliness, food, a few refreshments, some scrabble, cards, a little shopping.... in crews of 2 or 3 - maybe 4 and a couple of well attended beach parties with singing and dancing just to balance things out.

It's been great catching up on all the tidbits that you don't talk about in a public forum because surely to the 100 little gods someone will take it out of context.

There's still a couple of them I need to track down and just kick back and finish a bottle of wine with, hopefully over the next few days.

May all the bumps in your road be little ones.

a Monday off

great weekend, kashmir butter chicken with Kory, nuncheon with Pretty Girl, got to catch up with some of ladies, played some scrabble with PG and Abigail, my grandson won the championship for his little league first season he played, had ice cream, spent half a day at the dotter's with the crazy crew singing cable karaoke, had a lovely lunch = some political patter and a few pints with the manchild and malibu, was on the news commenting about G20 (which I didn't actually see), and a bbq and sunshine at Davis beach with biff girl and skinny dave.

This morning - ugh! near panic attack at the denturists for impressions - have to go back next Monday. Freaked right the hell out cause I thought I was suffocating. Those ladies are not laughing at my fear now. Just 2 more minutes my ass.

Playtime this afternoon, took a walk, some reading on the deck and catching up.

Only work tomorrow and Wednesday then Devi is coming for a sleepover, a birthday and crew party Canada Day, luchin with goldie on Firday and supper with Texas Deb. I know there was something on Saturday but I've forgotten.

Have a great week everyone - get out in the sun while it's here!

direction

Anyone, really anyone, who knows me will tell you I'm direct. Possibly abrupt, aggressive, and oh what was the last comment from the peanut gallery, - oh yeah " in your face all about me".

I concur with everything except the "all about me" bit, that only happens occasionally, and specifically when I make some profound discovery about myself, and I am currently in a phase of self exploration as I chase my dream of the moment so it may happen more often than not. For awhile anyway. Please note that I have worked very hard to be a good listener and I have it on good authority that I really have gotten much better at not interrupting. Please keep in mind that hardly means I've perfected the skill. For instance, you could say to me ... "you're going there again" and cut it off at the pass. Sure I might feel upset at the moment, I'm such a fragile flower, but I WILL get over it.

So for all y'all, who for some reason are withholding unexplored not-so-silent (to others) but clearly negative perceptions of me, feel free to discuss me in my absence and then profess care to my face. Really.

I call pot kettle and suggest a look into a mirror, and you might want to check your age on your birth certificate while you're at it.

Direct, aggressive and overbearing enough?

wordless wednesday

13-0-1 undefeated

grand pubah

castro

week ended

Lots of rain again this week. If I have to put up with this much rain I would at least like to be on a coast somewhere so I could hear its hiss as it hits the ocean, with the rumbly tumbly echoes through the blowholes and booming 'gainst the rocks.

But there it is. A round glowing ball of light peeking through the gloom. Is it just teasing me or will it make naked its shining glory tomorrow? I hope so;)

I actually did it

with several recommendations - a truly magnificent cover letter - and a whole lot of should I/shouldn't I ... I clicked the button and officially expressed my desire to become "the man".

A part of me feels like a traitor to the labour movement as a whole, another part is rationalizing that I can treat people better from that side, and a third is thinking retirement 55 is going to be that much better.

life changing decisions

Apparently this is my year for change. Change my hair, change my lifestyle, change my associates, change my goals, and now - perhaps - change my career.

After almost 5 decades of living I find myself considering the big step from an inscope employee to management. I know that doesn't sound like much to a lot of people but I grew up with a liberal banker father (detested unions)and bleeding heart teacher mom, and have been involved with unions,the labour movement, and general protest against the unfairness of the man since I was 12ish. Some of my greatest memories are instances of civil disobedience. I was once even hauled down to the copshop because a group of us were lying in the road entrance to a Shell station protesting apartheid. Consequences be damned it was the RIGHT thing to do. I digress.

Shortening the story. At 32 I was at a crossroads and decided that I needed a career which included a pension plan, some decent benefits, and job security. I knew that the advantage of a unionized workplace would proved me with all three as long as I was willing to do a fair day's work fr a fair day's wage. And I was lucky enough to find me such a job.

Two weeks on the job and I was shop steward - I knew you'd be surprised;) and I have remained active in my union and the broader civil rights and labour movements.

In the intervening years, while my priorities have changed, my principles have not.

Which brings me back to the knot that has been my stomach for the last 5 days while observed the whole pros and cons debacle undertaken by the many selves residing in cranium land.

Today I determined that if it is offered to me I WILL take the big step, and here are my reasons why.

Pros
1. While I wasn't actively looking for a new job, I'm quite happy with what I do now, the job description was a brick to the forehead - written just for me.
2. Maintain my pension and seniority.
3. Way. WAY more moola - for my earliest retirement.
4. A new challenge and new skills to acquire, and new people to meet.
5. A few seriously helpful benefits.
6. I would be working with a whole big group of people that I spent 7-10 years of my worklife with - YAY!

Cons:
1. No union to provide job security.
2. Lose 13 days off.

So I'm in the process now, hopefully I'll get an interview and if the 100 little gods are good, I'll get the job too. It'll be weeks before I find out though.

really ....

summer....tiiiime....

and the weather is breeeee...eeezyyyyyy.

raindrops fallin'... while I sit here and crrrryyyyyy...

the clouds are a bitch.

and the sun is not liiist.... nin'

crushin' everybody... we're waitin' for Juuu ... llyyyyyy.

and a week later still grey skies

It was not too bad last Saturday and Tuesday was apparently nice but I had a toothache and missed it.

I am planning for sunshine tomorrow.

My perfume came in that I've been waiting 8 months for and can hardly wait to get out of this beige hell of a cubicle into my little red car and make both me and it smell like butter. Little wafts are escaping from the bag on my desk... oh indecence I missed you.

My Quark is fixed, the tabs changed as requested and correspondence just a soupcon ahead of the timeline.

2 potlucks to cook for and 3 days off, with 3 birthday party's a ball game and an apartment sale thrown in. and shopping. and maybe some wine with the ladies.

and laundry.

grey skies

and so many of my friends and occasionally myself are taking on the morose and heavy texture of the clouds that have trappe dus in a coastal but coastless miasma of cold and dank that has stretched too far already.

Dear Father Nature:

Smarten the fuck up. Release Mr. Sunshine from your house of gloom and banish MR. Cloudy Pants off to someplce that needs him like - I don't know - a desert.

Really.

hahahah - my horoscope for today

It might feel as if an emotional storm is subsiding, but the squalls will continue to come and go. Fortunately, you're able to weave a tapestry in your imagination from the fragments of fantasies to create a new vision for the next phase of your life. Don't worry if your dreams are not realistic; you don't need to come up with a plan yet. For now, this is just an exercise to prepare you for what's ahead.

Why am I not surprised?

Making the plans anyway.

Happy MAY DAY, all hail the goddess of fecundity.

monday is over

stubbed my toe on the way to the car.
caught my hair in the seat belt pulley
the entrance bar to the parkade did not raise when I took my ticket, or a second one so me and two cars behind me had to back up into rush hour traffic to take the other entrance.
I locked my keys IN the car for the first time ever.

the fon-in-law brought my extra keys
I actually found a pair of shoes that won't look hideous with a dress and are still good for my feet.
I met my son's strange but very lovable puppy Castro
I got hugs from the grands.

always looking for the balance

Dear Mr. Sunshine

You had me at hello.

courage ... on a small scale

I have a wedding to go to in 2 weeks. While I am on a slow but steady loss it's not near what I wanted it to be. So I decided I would splurge and buy myself a new girly wedding etc worthy confection. I enjoy shopping - I do not enjoy the trying on part because I am rarely satisfied with what I see in the mirror. We all know how that feels.

So I've spent about 6 hours in dress shops this week and here is the result.

NADA!blech! meh!

I have three - yes three dresses that I wanted to purchase and ALL three had something wrong with the construction. My favorite was a floaty layered chiffon in muted semi pastels but they'd sewn the outer layers to the back zipper so the end of the zipper does an outward pucker and it looks like I've got a tail hiding under there. You get the picture.

So tonight, knowing that there are several possibilities in the back of my closet that have not fit since my knee surgery and consequent lack of exercise & mass increase, I took a REALLY deep breath (I didn't actually want to know if they DIDN'T fit),I pushed the every day stuff aside, and elbowed my way to the "I only wish" rack. I hauled out the 2 outfits that fit 2 years ago and just stood there staring at them. Alarm bells ringing in my head, my self confidence jibbering away in a corner, I considered my options.

The conversation in my head went something like this:and yes there is more than one voice ;)

If it does fit will I wear it? They're both black and white - summer weight - still in fashion, both have tulip skirting though one is more tailored the other is pretty short (for me that's anything just above the knee). Floaty cap sleeves or sleeveless with jet bling. They both go with the shoes, but it's too short, and they fit close to the body, you'll look like a sausage sotto voice remember those pictures? Maybe I should go back and get that other dress anyhow, I can fix it - but do you really want to? No you don't. Chicken. Oh for the gods sakes do it.

Just ____________ blank space as I pull the dress over my head. It does feel short. Not as short as the LBD. Okay it feels good but weird to have the material so close. Oh well, nothing for it go look in the mirror. It fit.

The sheer relief that wafted through me was heaven. Hmph. Okay, block off how you feel about YOUR body, take a mental pace backwards and look at the body in the dress. Okay - still sausagelike, a little lumpy. where's the spanx? No I don't want to deal with that gargantuan task right now, but it would improve it.You'd probably get stuck in them. Enough.

I was almost looking forward to trying the other on.

Next - the sleeveless - 2 pieces - really nice skirt and the material is just the right weight to give it a bit of a swing when you walk. A little sassy. BUT it's sleeveless. Then there's the wobbly bits (and not the good kind either), a little lace shawl would fix that and I'm pretty sure there's one in there. Love this neckline.

Where's that navy polka dot dress? Back to the mother lode - and there it is. I should have stopped right there. You always have to push it. A very critical once over. Princess line navy with small white polka dots, and white piping, mid calf, cotton, worn exactly 3 times. I'd need new shoes, but I love this dress. It's been 5 years since I wore it last but it's a classic.

And destined to remain so for a while longer I'm afraid. Almost, but no. Will I lose enough to fit it in 2 weeks? MWAHAHAHAHA, Sure you will. I will. You'll try. Be realistic.

Probably the 2 piece then. Feeling a bit better about myself than when I'd started, tempered with the understanding that I am weak, and I love food that is bad for me.

I will try.

P.S. Apparently I was buying a new dress so that I didn't have to risk knowing the truth. I win.

simply workhausted

change is eternal ...

carlin and stuff

I was thinking about you today George. And about stuff. And how when I was struggling as a single mom, or the primary bread winner, accumulating more stuff used to make me feel better, more secure, and it would temporarily stave of the fear and anxiety of walking the sword's edge between milk for the kids or busfare for work.

As I slowly dug myself out of the debt hole, I began to notice that the volume of newly acquired stuff had decreased but the value of the new stuff had logarithmically increased. But I still had ALL the other stuff too.

When I moved out of the place on Regent it took an entire semi moving truck, and the piano was moved separately, to a 3 bedroom townhouse on Lothian.I thought I had swept quite a bit of stuff away.

A year and a half later I was moving again and seriously downsizing to a 2 bedroom apartment for Mur and I and that was an eye opener. By the time I was done giving stuff away and filling both the loras trash bins - twice - it took only 2 trips with the step van to move our much reduced pile of stuff.

By this time I was starting a new single life once again and found that I wasn't trying to stave of the heartbreak by picking up so much new stuff.

So when I moved 2 years later to Forget Street I still had about the same amount of stuff plus the oak farm table, a computer and a renewed relationship with my 2nd husband.

On Forget St. I got some new kitchen stuff and grew a jungle of plants. The 2nd attempt at my 2nd marriage failed dismally and once he was gone I started tossing more stuff. Out with the old?

The move downtown did not require much sweeping but when I bought my condo a year later, I decided enough with the stuff. Appliances, furniture, knick knacks, bric-a-bracs and never used glassware, as well a closet full of clothes that didn't fit and about 60 boxes of books went by the boards. I find that almost strange now since I was actually moving into a bigger space.

And now I've been in my condo for 7 years. The storage room is fairly full, but I must say it's mostly my roommate's stuff and camping gear. Most of the new stuff have been gifts and I have started to collect some original art. I still have a couple of boxes worth of bric-a-brac but there are memories attached to them - they aren't just stuff. Hopefully in the next year or so my shelves will get built and that will give me a place to display them all together (and keep away some of the dust).

So now I'm working on ORGANIZING the stuff I have left. Arts supplies and crafting materials, sewing doodads and the books galore that are perched on every flat and some not so flat surfaces in my room. Need to get the luggage to the storeroom and sort out the mishmash on the dresser top. Then it's clear the rest of the closet time and a trip through the tickle trunk.

So thank you George for words to live by, we miss you.

good morning sunshine

Aaaahhhhhhh. and add a WOOP WOOP, 5 hours sleep for the third day in a row. If only I didn't have to go to work today. No snow on the car this morning YAY!

Without looking to borrow trouble, it appears that after a particularly grueling week at work, things may once again be within the bounds of control.

Here's hoping ;)

wordless

change is eternal ...

Dear Father Nature

C'mon - even you must be tired of snow by now. I cannot actually remember having to scrape my car windows on a May morning, though I do remember a couple of Lollapalooza snow storms in early May. Please make the snow go away before it freezes out all the flowers that are just ready to bloom.

I really would prefer rain.

Tuesday

After 4 rather sleepless nights I finally got 6 hours of sleep all in a row.

Thank you sand man.

Unfortunately the bags under my eyes do not appear to recognize that fact ;)