courage ... on a small scale

I have a wedding to go to in 2 weeks. While I am on a slow but steady loss it's not near what I wanted it to be. So I decided I would splurge and buy myself a new girly wedding etc worthy confection. I enjoy shopping - I do not enjoy the trying on part because I am rarely satisfied with what I see in the mirror. We all know how that feels.

So I've spent about 6 hours in dress shops this week and here is the result.

NADA!blech! meh!

I have three - yes three dresses that I wanted to purchase and ALL three had something wrong with the construction. My favorite was a floaty layered chiffon in muted semi pastels but they'd sewn the outer layers to the back zipper so the end of the zipper does an outward pucker and it looks like I've got a tail hiding under there. You get the picture.

So tonight, knowing that there are several possibilities in the back of my closet that have not fit since my knee surgery and consequent lack of exercise & mass increase, I took a REALLY deep breath (I didn't actually want to know if they DIDN'T fit),I pushed the every day stuff aside, and elbowed my way to the "I only wish" rack. I hauled out the 2 outfits that fit 2 years ago and just stood there staring at them. Alarm bells ringing in my head, my self confidence jibbering away in a corner, I considered my options.

The conversation in my head went something like this:and yes there is more than one voice ;)

If it does fit will I wear it? They're both black and white - summer weight - still in fashion, both have tulip skirting though one is more tailored the other is pretty short (for me that's anything just above the knee). Floaty cap sleeves or sleeveless with jet bling. They both go with the shoes, but it's too short, and they fit close to the body, you'll look like a sausage sotto voice remember those pictures? Maybe I should go back and get that other dress anyhow, I can fix it - but do you really want to? No you don't. Chicken. Oh for the gods sakes do it.

Just ____________ blank space as I pull the dress over my head. It does feel short. Not as short as the LBD. Okay it feels good but weird to have the material so close. Oh well, nothing for it go look in the mirror. It fit.

The sheer relief that wafted through me was heaven. Hmph. Okay, block off how you feel about YOUR body, take a mental pace backwards and look at the body in the dress. Okay - still sausagelike, a little lumpy. where's the spanx? No I don't want to deal with that gargantuan task right now, but it would improve it.You'd probably get stuck in them. Enough.

I was almost looking forward to trying the other on.

Next - the sleeveless - 2 pieces - really nice skirt and the material is just the right weight to give it a bit of a swing when you walk. A little sassy. BUT it's sleeveless. Then there's the wobbly bits (and not the good kind either), a little lace shawl would fix that and I'm pretty sure there's one in there. Love this neckline.

Where's that navy polka dot dress? Back to the mother lode - and there it is. I should have stopped right there. You always have to push it. A very critical once over. Princess line navy with small white polka dots, and white piping, mid calf, cotton, worn exactly 3 times. I'd need new shoes, but I love this dress. It's been 5 years since I wore it last but it's a classic.

And destined to remain so for a while longer I'm afraid. Almost, but no. Will I lose enough to fit it in 2 weeks? MWAHAHAHAHA, Sure you will. I will. You'll try. Be realistic.

Probably the 2 piece then. Feeling a bit better about myself than when I'd started, tempered with the understanding that I am weak, and I love food that is bad for me.

I will try.

P.S. Apparently I was buying a new dress so that I didn't have to risk knowing the truth. I win.