bye bye cellphone

It took me years to finally cave and get a cell phone, this July. Didn't go on a contract, just pay as you go. You have to buy and activate a new card every 60 days. If you have left over minutes, they roll over.

I went in to buy a new card on the 60th day and they had already deactivated my account and took the $33 I still had left. Tried all avenues, no success, not happy. So I purchased a new card, but only $20 this time. Finally got most of my numbers entered in etc, and was finding it fairly convenient to have around.

Last night at the patio someone went into my purse and took my phone. Not the smokes, not the happy can, not my credit cards - not a smart thief - just my phone. My friends and I have been calling the number - no answer.

So to whoever took my phone:
You should have taken the credit cards too - missed opportunity there dumbass - you could have bought a car on my mastercard. Or if it was a case of borrowing it - give it back. Or drop it off to one of the servers at the patio as "found". I don't care who or why - I just want all my numbers back.

fuck.

?

I used to have ambition. Looked for the big picture, wanted to be the star. Now I seem to be content with snapshots, and I'm behind the camera. Not the director - which is strange enough in itself, but the image catcher historian. It used to be all about the intesity of colour and now it's the starkness of black & white reality - with the occasional fuzzy filter just to maintain the occasional delusion. WTF is that about?

what moves you?

I went to a great concert Tuesday night and was chair dancing from the first tune (no dance floor). When the music moves my soul, the rest of me follows. What truly amazed me was that halfway through the show, 90% of the people there weren't even nodding their collective heads, never mind the occasional torso twitch. Are we so afraid to allow ourselves that freedom of movement even within our own societally dictated 2 square feet of space? Or is everybody just dead inside to the music?

labour day is over

and a busy one it was with tech stops and housework and some random kitchen redesign. I now look forward to a music filled autumn and less than 2 months to my birthday and hallowed e'en. I realized 10 minutes ago that yesterday would have been my 30th anniversary if I'd stayed married the first time. funny thing that. now I celebrate my freedom anniversary every year;) times change. are you having fun yet?

...meh

I know!!!

deep thinkin' day

words from the dalai ...

" Mothers in society are the first lamas, or gurus, of compassion; our spiritual lamas come later in life. Our mothers teach us the power and value of compassion right from our birth."

and lest not forget that there are many women who do not have children of their own but are just as compassionate.

I have decided not to do the 5 on the 27th any longer.

the human capacity for stupidity is infinte. Isn't it?

change is eternal ...

the vaguaries of vanity

I love music. I used to play several instruments. Piano (still can) drums, blues bass (left handed) 1 song on the sax, and a tune on an oboe. it's been a few decades but camping made my fingers itch for a guitar.

Fancy that, I'm at my niece Autumn's birthday party and I ntice this guitar case covered in dust ... it's my neice Ashley's, and she doesn't play it anymore - never quite got into it, but she's a slammin drummer. Autums has one too. And my brother-in-law Brian is going hard on his.

Autumn lent me hers last Thursday. Hah! what a fiasco... you would have howled to see me. It's right handed and feels all backasswards. I tried turning it upside down - no go. So I settled into relearning how to play the guitar - with no pick, but I have great nails so it wasn't too awful for a rank amateur like myself. Half an hour and my fingers were killing me. I'm weak! and my nails were chipped in 2 small spots. I might have to trim my beautiful long pink nails. One of the few characteristics that I really like about my physical self. Well, maybe not - it's just the guitar.

Friday was a wash for practice - 20 minutes maybe but then Kev gave me a pick, now I was in business. G chord strum strum strum - how do I do that, which strings should I be strumming ... thank the hundred little gods for the internets. Found a How To site, with finger charts AND AV of what I should be doing - much better. Tried 5 chairs till I found one the right height, well almost. D chord strum strum strum - don't strum the 1 string - I know it has a key ... damn my nails are in the way of holding down the chords ... bend the knuckles more, can't reach the next fret for the B chord.... damn ... it's going to look really stupid with one hand of short fingernails and one long ...

Tonight I managed D G C A and I can't do F - out come the clippers and off go the nails on the left hand. Much better, I even managed a few transitions this time without the twanging caused by a too long nail in the middle.

But I love my long nails. Oh well, sport length it is. Then I realized that though I may not have to trim the right hand as short - I can hardly leavw the long Barbie nails on one hand and have Ken nails on the other ... clip clip clip - oh the TRAUMA!

but I play better. I think I'll put more shiny things n my toenails ;)

the ides of summer ...

The sky was cerulean blue on my way to work this morning step step limp.
By noon the clouds began to creep up on the horizon like the negative rumbles gathering behind my tongue.
Overcast reigns midafternoon of the ides of summer, half spent and half yet to discover.

Birthdays and birth days, engagements and weddings, graduations and vacations, and getting around to those little tasks that need to be done.
Fix that thrice bedamned dripdripdrip of the kitchen faucette and replace the elbow joint in the biffy, maybe see what the hardwood is REALLY like under that hardboard.

And last of all self revalation: note to self, do not drink white wine on the deck!
Sheesh, you'd have thought I had already figured that one out.

Leter to Vericose:

Leave my veins alone you bastard!

dk

july long

camping at madge - superb
seeing the swan clan - extraordinary
almost being nick sheloff'd - priceless

got home burnt but happy to find I am a great aunt to Hailey Brook Nordquist and she's beautiful!

perceptions

To some it may look like I'm slacking, I'm not. Quite simply situations so far beyond my control that I don't even know where the remote is, have required my attention, and I am peddling as fast as I can to get caught up. I take my word fairly seriously and I have now got 3 prromises at the very LEAST 2 days behind. As for the rest of it, I refuse to whine any more. Except about my foot, whose swelleduppedness is at least a little reduced today.

My most sincere apologies.

On the bright side, the relatives are graduated, the grands are pinataed, my camping gear is altogether (except for those pesky extra tent pegs and the insides to my campfire coffeepot).

So it's off to bear country and swimmin' in the lake this weekend with a crew of yahoos who will be up to shenanigans in no time - and I'll get to have a quick visit with some of the Manitoba cousins and say happy birthday to Uncle Wilbert too.

So I will do my 5 on the 27th early:

I can only hope that some day you will believe in yourself as steadily as I do. The tribulations you've been through have stomped you down and I'm sure there's yet a few other hurricanes to be weathered, BUT weather them you will. Inner freedom is so tantalizingly close, just grasp it and hang on.

Please realize that you almost died and that it frightened the rest of us as much as it frightened you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take better care of yourself. I am so proud that you graduated your grade 12, and I DO know how much work it is to go back to finish. I did it too.

I believe that you will make a fabulous dad. I know your drive to be a better parent will see you through, just remember to gentle it with patience and compassion.

May you travel as far as you want and take lots of pictures for your anti. Hopefully I'll make it to the Himalayas before you do. Viva l'ecole finiter!

You sir, are an A number one asshole. Self centered, abusive, and violent I almost wish I was big enough to thoroughly kick your ass. I cannot think of anyone else that drives me to anger faster, I have no idea how your mom does it.

Friday the 13th

My lucky day, or at least the day when I come full circle once more. At least this time it only took 7 years ;) And at this very moment, it is not raining;)
cheers

A letter to the rain:

Dear infinite numbers of the earth's tears,

Fuck off till Friday would you?


Sincerley,
Gettin' Mouldy

just about thursday .

Delayed gratification,that sweet slow burn of conflicted desire warring with the conscious knowledge that you do not have to wait.
How strong are you?
You are how strong?
How strong do you really want to be?
Frame of reference?
Really?

Are you sure?
I am.
Or am I?

I know ...

wow am I behind

no excuses.
I've been busy.
I do have 2 entries stored as drafts if that counts?
AND I missed the 5 on the 27th, which I will get caught up on this week! Can you imagine me trying to do 365 ... the only thing I do religiously everyday is wake up.

2 more days

2 more days 2 more days 2 more days

deepest respects

To the 2 mothers I know that lost their children this week, my heartfelt sympathies. Terrible to lose a child in their twenties with all of that potential, simply tragic. Losing an adult child, especially so far from home, with no real idea of what has happened must be devastating as well.

Words are just not enough when hearts are broken.

spring is sprung

After an evening of fun and frivolity, great chants to the mother goddess, and a fruitful spreading of libations to one and all, another successful pole dancing day came to a glorious and blurry end;) May it bring upon us all a lovely spring, a hot but balanced summer, and an autumn of agrarian bliss.
The moon wanes yet my spirits continue to rise like homemade bread in a warm kitchen. My kids are doing well for themselves, my job is back to normal, and my new -good for the feet - shoes are also good for my posture AND my soul. Begone dastard socks ne'er to darken my drawer with fuzzy bits til the passing of all hallowed e'en.
Unless it gets cold camping....
My friend Clouds is home for a bit and my heart did a little happy dance to see him while it wailed its distress at a missing abigail & smyrysh. Sami will be home soon from Aussie land and the twins will soon be back on the happy deck. Bren brother enjoy the southern exposure but forget us not on dance nite.
My weekend with the granddotter was supercalifrajilistically spectacular. Shop till you drop, fashion and perfumery, several trips to the park, out for supper and a sunny sunday brunch. Ye gods but it's great to be 8 years old!

happy pole dancing day

Oh happy day the first of May!
My DO tomorrow and Thirstday today.
Load up your bowers with flowers.
Celebrate a wonderful tradition and find your pole and dance the dance of spring and fecundity.

All hail - it may snow but winter is officially dead!

And the magic orange bags arrived yesterday ... I can see the deck at the end of the tunnel ;) and smell that alluring perfume of spilled ale and cigarette butts spreading across the sidewalk on a 30 degree day, with the occasionally blast of exhaust fumes ... heaven on earth;)