November 07, 2008


Don's memorial service is today. I hadn't seen much of him lately (guilt), mostly because I, like so many others, am uncomfortable dealing with people that are actively dying (fear). It's good that he isn't suffering anymore (relief) (more guilt) and though I am sure that Patty's heart is completely broken (sadness), I am also sure (self talking from hope) that she will suffer less now that Don does (more relief & even more guilt just for thinking that).

But how do you say goodbye when you didn't know the end was THIS close, and you missed your opportunity?(bad person) What happens when the person who died doesn't follow any tradition? In today's world the traditions just don't cover all the eventualities. Don is gone, Patty has been his companion for some 6 years now. They used to live together (long story) and haven't for a few years, but they still see each other and Patty is the one that has cared for and nursed hime through his whole illness. Over a year, fighting to keep him alive and in some sense of order - no mean feat. But now that he is gone - it's like she is invisible - to the the traditions.

His children are recognized(no matter what their relationship was). Even his exwife is recognized (I am not pointing fingers at people here just trying to show that traditions fail)But the one person who loves him no matter what his faults were, who never gave up on him, who knows what he wanted, who loves him with all of her heart, has no say.

It is complete and utter bullshit.

1 comment:

Schmutzie said...

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of a friend and how his greatest supporter is being lost to traditional process.

improvise & overcome

... and why would I choose to associate myself with a term that most used used in a derogatory manner?
In order to change the meaning of a word or create a new meaning for a word, one must own the word. Over time and use the word may evolve to mean other than was originally intended & to that end...
my definition: an independent woman

dictionary definitions:

1. informal term for a (young) woman
2. an unsupervised umarried woman
3. a young woman or girl, esp. a peasant girl.
(usually facetious)
3. a woman servant
4. a wanton woman
5. Archaic: a strumpet
[Origin: 1250–1300; ME, back formation from wenchel, OE wencel child]

synonom :"dame"

Women Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness

International Wenches Guild

what do you believe?


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