blew nablopomo

I made it last year. This year I got sick and didn't go near the 'puter for a few days - after that it seemed pointless.

My life used to have all this extra time for mucking about on the interwebs and it seems that this year I interact directlt with people on a larger scale, and that is a good thing. It is my friends that hold me together on the shakey days. I love the Grace in small things idea but realize that I am not likely to do it every day. Instead, I will do it when I post.

Grace 4:
1. Going out with my friends to DO something and sharing some laughs and generating a good group vibe.
2. Driving around in dakar and relearning my city.
3. Finding travel info for Europe at my fingertips.
4. Enjoying a java with chums - just because.
5. Having a BFF that makes me sunday dinner - mmmm. Lovely.

grace in small things 3

1. It's 4 pm and I have 3 days off.
2. It is 3 days from the end of november and I can still see grass on the lawn & go outside without a parka.
3. I think the bronchitis has finally left my building.
4. It's redispersement day.
5. The electrolysis has actually and permanently rid me of at least 2/3s of my previous stubbily chin hair.

grace in small things 2

1. I have more truly good friends than I can count on both hands.
2. I did not hack up half a lung this morning.
3. It's the end of november and it's so nice I did not even have to scrape the windows on dakar.
4. Another member of the homely crew is getting married - I think.
5. I seem to have worlds of patience to help the grandkids figure out why they do what they do when they don't mean to do it.

diss - appearing

This is what happens when one of three things happens:
1. someone disses you outright
2. someone makes a remark in a tone that makes it sound like you are being dissed
3. you interpret something said as a diss
How do you tell which instance it is? Do you ask outright, which then in turn causes umbrage, and the wheels of chaos keep rumbling on? Do you repress your reaction and stick to your delusionally positive world? Do you continue hellbent down the road of wobbling sanity continually questioning your own ability to understand what people said in the terms that people meant them?

fuck.

grace in small things 1

thank you for the reminder schmutzie. I have made a conscious attempt at being a glass is half full person for about 20 years now. Some days it is all I can do to admit that the freakin glass is even there. However. It really is the small things that make our lives doable.

I tried to use your seal ... did not work. It's Monday - I'll try again another day, but I think the idea is a grand one. Do pass along a thanks to Madame B.

Grace in small things:
1. The smiles and kisses and hugs that rain down upon me from devi and seth my grandkids.
2. The first few sips of a freshly brewed cuppa joe with extra fatty cream.
3. The women in my life - all of them, especially the bitter ones.
4. Music, in my head, on the radio, ipod, tv, satellite, the stranger whistling down the street or the low thump of bass that threads its way up the stairs from my downstairs neighbours.
5. Making someone smile.

wed is mo better

startin to feel a little better.

slept through sunday

and in retrospect I wish i had slept through Monday too.


prefer NoMoreColdNo

nabloplomo sucks when you're sick & whiny

change is eternal ...

Friday DOs are grrrreat!!!

I got so many things done - little household tasks, air in dakar, visit with the boyo, groceries, made psgetti and foccacia with sneaker cheese, and now Pixx is over working her magic on Deb & I.

dear immigrant germs:

you were not invited. you are not wanted. get out!

hump day

It was. Lots of work - busy busy. Had one cigarette today, though I smoked it in 3 stages. Not bad. Went to visit anarchy & dasjules for a bit after work. Poor Abigail - I do so hope she feels beter soon. Jules gave me the first mandarin orange of the season - tasty tasty and it just smelled SO GOOOOD.

I can only hope that this stupid stitch in my side/back lets me sleep more than an hour and a half in a row. It's fine most of the day and then it's skewer and squirm.

One more work day for the week - big YAY! I love my job, but damn I'm tired.

Have you noticed lately how many more stupid people there are?

11/11

I remember:
- my mom and all my grandparents, my Auntie Donna and Uncle Jimmy
- all my friends who have passed before me.
- Great Uncle Don who died overseas, and Uncle Stubb who was a pilot.
- all the people who put themselves in harm's way to keep the world as peaceful a place as humanity can manage at any given point in time. Thank you.

On the same note but in a different vein: I remember
- the way my mom's purse always smelled of juicy fruit and spearmint
- the cousins using grandpa's sunday go to meeting neck brace as a princess crown
- Grandpa Irv's case of pic-a-pop that Patty & I got to choose the flavours for
- bath day in the summer at the Swan farm BEFORE the bathtub was installed when I was in grade 6. All the cousins lined up in the kitchen with the metal washtubs, thus the origination of don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
- cooking with Auntie Donna in preparation for harvest
- Uncle Jimmy attempting to teach Patty to ride Joy, but Patty simply told the horse go left, and it did, go right ... Uncle Jimmy was so surprised.

AND I remeber:

- losing my ruby ring my dad bought me for my birthday in the sandbox at the park.
- sliding down the crackled windshield of the beater car in larry lazondike's back yard - with his uncle's permission.
- my first trip to Polo Park, sans adults, with cousin leslie and randy & Brian Carpenter
- both times I was almost struck by lightening
- the FIRST time hot pants were hot.
- making the cheerleading squad
- hash attack jeans, chevy vans and muscle cars
- army cadets and rapelling down the mountain
- private boarding school
- hitchhiking all over
- juvenile hall
- crushed velvet suits and 4-5 inch spikes at the disco
- Whole Earth, the Den, the Old Gold, the Paddock, the old student union, and Hollywood's
- my pair of mismatched 1960 falcons and my 1961 push button transmission valiant
- how magical I felt in my 2nd wedding dress (heh heh)
- finally moving out of housing
- the satisfaction of seeing both my kids complete their grade 12
- finishing my degree

monday monday .... so good to me ....

Nasty icy roads precluded that stroll to work.
Very productive work day though.
And now it's off to cheezioke - oh yeah!

transformation

Energy can be transformed but not destroyed. Life moves to death moves to life. How do you get off the hamster wheel?

Saturday

busy busy. no time for this today. tomorrow maybe ;)

traditions

Don's memorial service is today. I hadn't seen much of him lately (guilt), mostly because I, like so many others, am uncomfortable dealing with people that are actively dying (fear). It's good that he isn't suffering anymore (relief) (more guilt) and though I am sure that Patty's heart is completely broken (sadness), I am also sure (self talking from hope) that she will suffer less now that Don does (more relief & even more guilt just for thinking that).

But how do you say goodbye when you didn't know the end was THIS close, and you missed your opportunity?(bad person) What happens when the person who died doesn't follow any tradition? In today's world the traditions just don't cover all the eventualities. Don is gone, Patty has been his companion for some 6 years now. They used to live together (long story) and haven't for a few years, but they still see each other and Patty is the one that has cared for and nursed hime through his whole illness. Over a year, fighting to keep him alive and in some sense of order - no mean feat. But now that he is gone - it's like she is invisible - to the the traditions.

His children are recognized(no matter what their relationship was). Even his exwife is recognized (I am not pointing fingers at people here just trying to show that traditions fail)But the one person who loves him no matter what his faults were, who never gave up on him, who knows what he wanted, who loves him with all of her heart, has no say.

It is complete and utter bullshit.

just about missed it

had a good night. have to make a decision. hmmmmm

compassion

I would hate to live in a world without it, but damn it kills those who practice it one small bit at a time. And then there is nothing you can do to ease their pain. Sure, youcan BE there for them, you can LISTEN, but does it really help? I don't fuckin think so.

Love you sister.

brainsludge

I just now realized that not only is it the 4the day of the nablowme month but the 4th day of nosmokesfor you month. At least is is simple to keep track because my focus mechanism has had a complete meltdown. This is worse than before I went on the prozac, never mind the jumpin' off that long ago train.

holy motherfucker. I can barely play scrabble. It's all I can do to pay attention to the computer for 15 minutes. TV is okay so long as it's loud and there's something that I can criticize.

I love my car - Deb and I went & got groceries and 2 sweaters yeatereve and she found her pants. I need a haircut though and some colour, if anyone sees Deanna tell her to give me a call - I'm sleeping alot so I'm likely home if I'm not at work. Except for next Saturday which is 5440 - that should be fun.

I need to find something else to do during my coffee g=breaks and lunch since I refuse to go buy shit in the mall that I don't need and I've found that I cannot hang with my smoking friends because that 2nd hand smoke just smells too damn good!

smoking

I enjoy smoking. I love to kick back and have a nice big drag of that fresh tobacco taste after a great meal. Or that lovely aromatic mouthful with my morning java. Or the colourful mix of frosty cold morning smoke paired with the memory sparking scent of automobile gasoline fumes. ahhhhhhh.

And then there's reality, hacking up a couple of furr balls after a night out with friends because your normal 4-5 a day habit bit the big one and you inhaled an entire pack and then some. THe 3 hours spent nervously traversing the 25 foot hallway while you wait for noon to get there so that you can go to the conrner store and get some smokes that you forgot to get on your way home and it's 40 freaaking below outside, so it's too far for Shopper's. The pungent STANK of your back porch when the first fresh breeze of spring makes you realize that you did NOT paint your porch yellow last fall. cinder holes - in everything. the infinite search for a match or other fire emblazing apparatus. ashtray mouth. yellow fingers. blackened lungs.

damn I miss it and it's only been 2 days and a bit.

I'm angry and bitchy. I went to bed last nite at 7:30 because I couldn't stand myself, and I was awake every hour and a half or so. My teeth have been clenched for so long my jaw just aches. And when I smell someone smoking I salivate so much I have to spit.

but it's good for me.

bah humbug. I'm pissed off.

sunday brunch ...

was fabulous and well attended - myself Stacy Owen Darrell & Jill Danny & Katie Tara & benaliscious and brother Chad all meandered down to the Inn for the fabulous brunch. Today there was prime rib, feta & spinach stuffed chicken breast and a mango papaya tilapi to just fuckin' die for. And all the rest of the great stuff they always have ;) Now it's off to play canasta.

nablopomo

2nd year - I'm too tired from a great hallowe'en and it's 17 degrees outside so Miss Stacy and I are off to the deck to play Scrabble OUTSIDE on the FIRST of NOVEMBER!!!

I know!