really?

3 years ago - I had knee surgery on my left knee. debrided the calcium spur and found the piece that was floating around and causing my leg to go out from under me when it wedged itself under my knee cap. Since the surgery everything has been fine.

This afternoon I walked 15 feet from my cubicle and almost did a face plant when my right knee did exactly the same thing. really.

Now wtf is that about. I haven't done anything to the right knee - it hasn't been jostled or twisted, and I leave for vacation in 7 more sleeps. really.

And since then it goes away and comes back and goes away ... and the last time it hurt enough to make me cry. I waited a long time to get in to see that surgeon. I am on a mission and have things to do which include walking through ocean sand and dancing on the grass and climbing doc and anette's little hill to their house. Never mind getting up going to work, and doing the laundry or taking out the garbage or hauling my ass through Pearson airport to make a connecting flight.

pretty pretty please oh hundred little gods of fucked up knees, just make it better till mid august.

really.

8 more sleeps

always floating in my backbrain.

a whirlwind of visiting - wings with the peeps, 4 birthdays and a wedding with scrabble on the side followed by some deckadance for the weekend frivolities and next weekend is a nite out of town with friends, 2 birthdays, a steak night , a date with the grands, a pre-vacay pedi with Pixx on sunday and the last f the packing.

Inbetween is pure chaos.

lonely

In a crowd, with my friends, at work, with the grands, dancing with the ladies on a madcap fraturday, always the pit trap in my heart will not stay closed.

It doesn't mean that I'm unhappy, or that I don't laugh and enjoy a good joke. It doesn't mean that I don't have a great time with my friends. It doesn't mean that I mope around in silence reading trashy romance novels and scarfing down bon bons (though I have considered it).

It means that without you here to touch and taste and smell I am constantly sidestepping, going around, trying to bridge, a you shaped hole in my foundation with whatever is closest to hand. Inexplicable tears well unwonted and unpredictably, that little catch - hu uh - in my throat stops my breath, and the selfsabotage demon will exploit any means of escape from reality.

Tippitty toeing around the edge is exhausting, but I must be ever so careful because the pit is dark and cold and slimy and almost impossible to escape. Got the Tshirt. It's why I promised myself I wouldn't ever go here again.

Apparently heart connections are not a choice thing.

You either grab the reins and hold on or let them fall and always wonder what might have been.

My dad said what he regrets the most is that he has regrets.

91 days down and 14 sleeps to go.

it's a fucking eternity boo.

motivation where art thou

The kitchen is finshed ... except for a few small touchups. have to process the pics though, thought I'd done that already ;

Appointment for tub/surround replacement made for September (soonest date available)then install new sink/vanity and flooring.

As for the rest, a little plaster patching and Christopher to paint living room and master, then we will see what we can see.

Managed to get almost all of the kitchen boxes out of storage - still have to clear some stuff there and then my dreaded closet. Out with all the stuff that is too big. done.

And the sewing projects are piling up, can't seem to get it in gear there either.

Maybe it's just summer ...

where I'm from

Form for poem stolen via schmutzie from Fred 1st

I am from the soft black tarmac, grid road gravel, and cement from all across this country of mine, the gypsy without a caravan.

I am from a collection of damp & musty lowheaded dungeons with an occasional airy garret and two bedrooms I never had to share with the nasssty sisters.

I am from the dandy~lions that turn my underchin to butter and all the smellpretty tastegood nonedible blossoms in the Winnipeg Conservatory until I discovered the aromatic beauty of gardenias and the dessert properties of honeysuckle.

I am from New Year's Eve family brawls and laughing in the face of adversity, from the upright white gloved pear-brandy-in-the-corner-cupboard teatotaller Grandma Millie and the sweet nail-you-with-the-bendy-slipper-around-a-corner-at-30-mph Grandma Kay and PigTail Patty, the most generous openhearted and stubborn woman known to man, or me.

I am from self inflicted loneliness and isolation in the middle of the crowd.

From born in the barn and if your friends jumped off a bridge... to where the hell are your shoes donna kathleen odette.

I am the only baptized child, Gramma Millie did it, and the only one smart enough to go to church sundays - any church - to avoid dad's hangovers.Quadruply blessed, Presbyterian, United, Catholic, Lutheran, and now a godless buddhist.

I'm from the stewpot of of the north with dragon boats bastard swords bagpipes fjords and the yew, leavened with the holy potatoe, yorkshire pudding and dumplings with the occasional shot of the most terrible homebrew.

From the the first day of summer freedom at the bottom of the monkey bars wailing the blues with a broken wrist and having to walk 2 miles because Lynn Shadbolt wouldn't double me to Grama's. The key keeper to the vintage transportation cousin Les & I attempted to master because that's the way we roll.

I am from the rock garden/strawberry patch/riverbank/treehouse and concrete jungle camera always in hand, the archivist, framily in my heart wherever I traipse and the pics backed up onto a portable drive. Shaped by a little piece of each of the black & whites posted on the soul wall and glued together with the love and respect gifted to me.

kitchen down, onto the bath ...

Huge thanks to everyone who's lent a hand or rather knees to my kitchen project - Seven and a half years in the planning and it's brilliant. Custom oak cabinetry up to the 10 ft ceilings. Metal grilled door inserts, china cabinet, several extra feet of counter space, big deep pot drawers, all painted a deep deep red with lots of stainless accents and appliances. The floor has been all retiled as well. So thanks Brian, Fusion Woodworks, Chris and Mikey.

So now I am going to have the tub relined, replace the old 2 faucet wall sink with a more modern 1 faucet model and new lino. After taht - or during, I am doing some plaster work in Living room and Master and then Chris will paint that as well.

So I can sell it in the late spring early summer next year.

Forward ho!