personal secrets

I like to keep them when they're mine, because I always have the option to share if I need to. I don't often, but it does seem lately that some fairly juicy items I've been holding onto for decades now are just popping out as bon mots or anecdotal conversation, and on several occasions said conversation stopped cold. It wasn't meant to shock, it wasn't even a conscious choice, just an automated dump of dirt I no longer felt the need to hold onto.

Apparently what I see as a normal part of my earlier life and my blase attitude about the whole business is perniciously self delusional. So I've been told.

For the record I am not self delusional, I have worked through the black and ugly stuff in my life, and while I am certainly not happy about it by any means, I have learned to accept it as a part of what made me who I am today. Many of my experiences are what afford me the considerable compassion I can occasionally access, that provides me with a nonjudgmental stance when certain delicate subjects are breached. If I point a finger at anyone, there are 4 pointing right back at me.

One of the greatest things about surviving past 40 is the longview. Priorities change, opinions shift, patience shows back up as a regular companion, and you may find yourself thinking "it wasn't so bad". It was. Then. That was a looong time ago. Let it go, do not let being chained to the past destroy your present and deny your future.

Shit happens. Flush it.

gen y - U @ 50

A group of genY's were asked to create videos titled 'u @ 50'. This video actually won second place. Simple and brilliant.

Take a minute and a half minutes to watch it all the way to the end.

another blogiversary

My how time flies. I was just catching up on the interwebs and preusing abigail's latest post about her blogiversary, when I realized that my blog turned 2 this month. Without fanfare or notice, it slid under the radar and happily started another cycle. Thanks to anyone who stops by!

Here is part of the first post:
so what is wenchwire? a work in progress, a collection of anecdotal ramblings, a real-ease from my corporate tongue in cheek, don't say what you mean but mean what you say and still be polite to the customer who is always right but may be wrong daily writing, goddess goodness, a rant forest, dk's digital declamation of interdependence. All of these more and less.

and still true.

2 days

Grace in HUGE things.
1. My car has started every time I asked it to.
2. I found an air hose that was working after only 4 tries! and less than 2 miles from home.
3. All the presents are wrapped.
4. I did not hack up chunks of lung this am.
5. after today - 5 days off. 3 days of family and 2 for me ;)

Except for food prep I'm ready, which is a fair bit behind my usually organized self, which is still fine since there's 2 days to go. I was back at the doc's after work and since 3 rounds of antibiotics in 7 weeks haven't killed the bronchitis - we are now trying a steroidal puffer. I got to sleep for 4 hours in a row. REALLY! So far so good - hopefully this will work cause I am sick and tired of being sick and tired... and bitchy.

So the positivity persona is on and I'll work from there. Have a vunderbar day everyone!.

4 days left ...

I hadn't even realized how long it had been since I was in here. December 20 th is always a hard day for me. It's the day my mom died and you'd think that after 16 years I'd get a freakin' grip. Heavy sigh. I try very hard to shiny happy but inevitable chaos theory or Mr. Murphy always makes a visit. I should know better than to try and make plans on that day, but I keep on hopin'.

The presents are wrapped except for the one that is the wrong size - to be replaced tomorrow, and the two that I know what to get but STILL haven't found exactly the right one - but better find on my lunch hour - also tomorrow. The nibblies for christmas eve and the fixin's for the turkey dinner are lodged in their respective places - and those items that may remain frozen are parked in the trunk of my car for lack of room in the deep freeze. I have placed a sticky note on the dash to remind myself.

I haven't had any problems with Dakar so far (YEAH) but this am it took three tries to get her to turn over. It was -38 celsius last nite before the wind chill - and it's back to -34 now. Holy snappin' arseholes, contrary to popular belief this is not the north pole. Thank the hundred little gods that I did not have to be on the highway today!

The plants have been trimmed and candles uncapped, laundry's in the dryer and I missed the afternoon nap. Got my ass kicked at scrabble with the crew this afternoon, and again by the son in law online, just to keep the hubris in line I'm sure. Finished the last of my 3rd round of antibiotics since the end of October today. The abscess has subsided, the cough is holding on for dear life and still won't let me get a full night's sleep, but I have "hangover" eyes - all red with bags under them as an after effect of the meds. MMMM sexy girl.

So I'm now waiting for the last load of laundry to dry so I can have a shower and crash - working the next 2 days, with a trip to the doc after work Monday and the nieces & nephews over for pics on Tuesday evening (if it happens - 4th time lucky?). Then I'm off from the 24th to the 28th. Cooking all the sides for dindin early on the 24th at the dotter's = with ma familia for cordials later. happy santa morning with the kids & grands and pictures all around, Moose Jaw command performance on the 26th - the stuffed baked potatoes for 20 are also in the trunk of my car awaiting transshipment. Then I get 2 days to myself. Who hoo!

Sounds kind of whiny I know. However on a more positive note:

Grace in Small things 9
1. Rides home from the pub so you don't have to wait for a cab.
2. A car that starts at subzero temps without being plugged in. (knock wood)
3. Not losing the scotch tape even once.
4. Truffles.
5. Bailey's.

So I wish everyone peace on earth a goodwill to all the beings on the planet - even the sick perverted sociopaths that Dexter hunts down. I'm still on a rant about why we would have a TV show where the star is a serial killer. Can NO ONE find something Good to make a TV show about??? WTF!!!!

Oops sorry - tangential thoughts sidetracking me once again. I hope everyone has a good holiday season. Happy solstice and on with the 8 crazy nights.

grace in small things 8

1. aroad trip in December where the highways are great and there's not too much traffic.
2. finding exactly what the grandkids asked for.
3. watching yourself heal
4. mmmm ... the first two or three sips of that first cup of coffee.
5. wrapping presents.

disgrace in small things 1

1. I fell asleep at 6pm last night and did not decorate the tree with Deb after I sort of made a big deal out of it.
2. I forgot to call my dad
3. I bought a pack of smokes last Friday and I'm still smoking them.
4. Yet another set of clippers has disappeared. I didn't even get to use these ones.
5. I am still procrastinating with the laundry.

grace in small things 7

1. shiny happy bits on my living room table.
2. A smile that lights up her eyes.
3. The joy in Seth's voice as he tells me he is "Star of the Week" at school - a bit of positive reinforcement from the teacher in a group effort to steer him away from violently lashing out.
4. Fudge.
5. contemplating the grocery list for Saturday

fine ...

I want to disappear today. Waft silently through the dustladen reconditioning system, buffeted willy nilly by cruel crossdrafts with no place to bruise, in no way responsible for my path or destination.

grace in small thigs 6

1. It's Friday
2. bacon & eggs made by someone else
3. free barbie furniture for the home decor project for my grandotter's barbie house for xmas.
4. only 9 letters on my desk
5. the scent of my favorite perfume Inde'cence by Givenchy ... makes me go mmmm and smaile, then I smell like butter.

I hope everyone has a fabulous day!

made it!

through thursday - 1 more to go. need mucho sleepo. coughing again today. that fuckin' cold sick whatever is not allowed to rent space in my ventricles for a third time in as many months. Out! I say!

the first winter hump day

I chose to wear the tomyanklesfurtrimmedhoodedextralongarmed winter blanket to work today and it was a most excellent choice.I observed the underdressedovercold lemmings shiver their brandname shrinkwrapped chilliness all the way to work. That lovely full throated chuckle that makes your insides gurgle along with you kept the furnace roaring and the face from freezing in the wind rictus. Winds that puch me are BIG winds. No put down, I am seriously grounded people.

The indoor temperature ran from semitropical to not quite subarctic and my teensy stainless steel desk fan was on and off and on and off ... like hooker's drawers.

it's really not even that cold out, but i didn't take out the gar-baje. 30 feet and a set of stairs. hump day.

I have started to cogitate on strong women - why and what the hell for.

grace 5 & it's Monday Monday

Monday the funday, the catchup on DO weekendays. the dkdeathday, fallasleepat mydeskafterpizzabuffetforlunchday. The icannotfindananswerday, as well as the ohmygodit'sa5dayweekday.

on the other hand ...

1. REALLY strong coffee - espressolike.
2. that room-making belch 20 minutes after lunch.
3. catching myself sending an email to the wrong address BEFORE I hit send
4. Finding some furniture that might work with the barbie house my daughter and I are refurbishing for my granddaughter
5. spending time smelling the ideas in Chapters.