end of week 2

The moon must be full/empty. I just got the sleep cycle turned back around and it went all awry once again. Up all night, falling asleep in the morning and then up around noon. Semisomnolent. Is that a word? Yes it is (sometimes I get lucky.)

My nemesis the dreaded staircase is on the todo list as I have to go outside. It appears that when one joint's seat is adjusted all the others that are connected are a tad resistant to change and apparently need to be beaten into submission. Down will be okay but I'm not sure about up.

Another strange come-uppance is my body's unconscious sway/tilt to the right when I step off the healing leg. Even my body is silently protesting the bendage of said supposedly bendy part. I find myself having to pay particular attention to step properly and keep myself verticle instead of the Pisa-like lean I temporarily acquire. I would imagine the gait looks something like a temple tent on the back of a camel going uphill over a dune while trying to outrun a sand storm, or perhaps I am practicing the zombie shuffle ... yeah, real graceful.

There IS a limit of too much interweb. It is a constantly varied limit for each individual and you will know it when you have reached it, hopefully before you have passed it. Subsequently the interweb can also offer hours of communication, entertainment, information, and mindless occupation when used in moderation.

I decided I have to release my dream of a hermitage in the Himalyas/Himalayas or a trek to Lhasa (ah grand self delusions), not ever going to happen. I wonder what it was that prompted me to add that to the wish list so long ago? Escape surely... reminders of choices made, that long sought freedom that looks so possible when we are young, yet seems more intangible with every breath.

... my my, where did those filters go?

one week later

I just realized I missed my 5 on the 27th (Abigail & I decided that was the limit we could successfully accomplish with regards to the 365 project)so I will catch up on that shortly.

the bandages are off, there do not appear to be any complications externally though the incision site has been a little warm since yesterday and I think I may have a low grade fever - ice ice baby. will keep an eye on it as the last thing that I need now is a suprainfection. el doctoro warned me that i may take a little longer than normal to heal and i need to exercise my patience.
i'm using a cane and can now take small but shuffling steps to get myself around. the knee still feels kind of smushy when i stand on 2 feet so I will take the expert's advice, "if it hurts stop". i also tried to do a couple of stairs - it felt like the knee was going to smuch sideways or collapse entirely and there were some new strange noises emitting from it - which kicked in my fear of falling down the stairs and wrecking my knee entire, so that will have to wait a bit yet - which sucks because the stircraziness is starting to set in.
enough of my whining, suffice to say that it continues to improve.

my belated 5:

Mr. Brown you were the best art teacher I ever had. You saw that I was bored and took the time to teach me all kinds of skills not included in the curriculum - from charcoal, pastels and pen and ink to silk screening and painting with water colours, oils and washes on an unending variety of textures. My creative urge thanks you 30 years later, I'm still adding to the pot.
Mrs.Orsted I can only hope that this generation has English teachers that engage students the way that you did. When someone was having trouble grasping what you were trying to get across, you simply found a different means to describe it. i remember the video productions from that year's novels (before computers) that you had us do as one of the best parts of my education.
Madamoiselle Brezdan you lit a fire under me that still drives me today to better understand other languages and cultures, and it was your influence that led me to enroll my children in French Immersion, which my grandchildren are currently also participating in.
to the nameless Mount Argosy skiing instructor who showed us the basics, put us on the tow rope and did not really explain hoe to GET THE HELL OFF. I ended up at the top of the advanced hill. who had never down hill skied before, and by sheer unadulterated luck and perhaps some assistance from the hundred little gods, managed to make it to the bottom going so fast that i got stuck in the snow wall at the bottom of the hill missing only one pole, 1 mitt and 2 of my nine lives. what the fuck were you thinking buddy?
Dr Ambrosi, you showed me that good science done accurately can overcome ingrained gender bias and teach both old dogs and young pups new tricks (though i still chuckle at the vision of you in your elmer fudd hat).

from the featherbed

as y'all know I had a wee bit of surgery done to my knee Tuesday afternoon, and today I get to have a shower ... if I can get my leg over the edge of the bathtub that is. thank all the hundred little gods for that because there are bits of residual stickiness from bandaids and monitor pads etc that are itching like crazy and never mind that my hair feels like I've been into grandpa's brylcream.

using a nice solid chair as a walker is a gazillion times more useful than crutches and I made it to the kitchen this am - slow but steady. since I haven't been able to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time I decided to forgo the pain meds in the middle of the night. on one hand, I woke up for a few minutes, made the decision and went back to sleep (I'm calling it 5 hours in a row) delightful! on the other hand, i was informed upon waking exactly how much it did hurt (more than I thought it would and yes I know I sound like a whiny baby) and could point to exactly where it hurt instead of just a general ache in the whole knee area. not as bad as I thought, but more than I am willing to put up with med free.

the stairs are definitely out for a while, and until then I am hermitized.

the hospital told me to call my surgeon's office to make a post-op appointment - I was too medstupid on Wed, Thurs there was no receptionist, and this morning when I called, the answering service notified me that the office is closed until Monday. figures. have to call again on monday.

happy bday to amanda, anna, dale and chris - as well as happy anniversary to the A&C. celebrate for me too!

the dreaded hospital

I have had several horrendous visits and in an attempt at optimism, keep hoping and glory be delilah - i was quite pleasantly surprised!
they called me to come in hours early, great home sooner. less than 10 minutes at registration.
with nurses cracking jokes and being kind and doctors who listened (and this was before the silly juice) and tickety boo the show is on the road ...
i woke up in recovery around 1 - I think. successfully found the calcium chunk that was floating - really teeny compared to the pain it has caused and scraped away the arthritis build up - should be waaaay better than the original;) and was discharged by about 2:30 or so - little hazy there.
i am comfortably ensconced in a nest of pillows, tired but eternally grateful for my dotter and my friends who look after me in spite of myself.
going to sleep now.
ciao

heh heh heh

'You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in
America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."

Chris Rock, comedian2-28-07

all riiigghhtt nooooww ...

it's monday an' ise still singin'. mayn't be in tune, words mightn't be right, but it comes straight from the heart. thankee miss stacy.

I did manage to kill the flue virus thursday night though there was some question for a bit there if I would survive the cure ... deb is still laughing ...

do you remember/know a band called War? they wrote spilled wine, low ryder, and why can't we be friends along with a shwack of tunes i had forgotten were theirs. late 60s early 70s - hornsdrumsbass funkadelic getyourgrooveon shakeyourbooty can'tstopmenow music. the sound they have is the sound that djs seek using vinyl instead of instruments. i almost wasn't sure if i wanted to go to the concert - based on the destruction of some REALLY great memories after I went and saw April Wine a year and a half ago - kind of like open casket funerals - that last visual overshadows all the rest for sooo long.

HOWEVER - i had a damn fine time, and the larger part of a crowd that ran from twenty something to hmmmm - I'm guessing late 60s? caught the groove and was stompin' and clappin and snappin' and chair dancing for the entirety of the show(they had tables where the dance floor is supposed to be which really sucks). and there was simply no going home once the feet were in gear so it was off to the pub ...

all night long i was getting flashbacks of history that I hadn't thought about in forever. i remembered names for boyfriends from over 30 years ago whose faces were the only things i still remembered and along with it came how they made me feel - all spring chickeny. whole conversations sprang to life in my brain and i could follow those decisions i'd made and where it led me - so i could actually see where i had made the WRONG choices and distance let me see why. the whole thing was really funkin' cool.

when i was a child (4-12) i was HUGE on sunday morning church. mostly it was a sense of belonging that drew me - i usually went to whatever church my current set of friends went to (we moved cities/provinces every 2 years or so while i was growing up). denomination didn't really matter, i was great at memorization and most of the messages were the same. in fact i remember for a while when we lived in Fort Frances Ontario, i was in the United Church choir and the CGITs (Christian Girls In Training- kind of like girl guides) while at the same time i attended the RC church for 8 oclock mass with my friends the Forans, and myself and a few friends (Grade5&6) created a free/modern dance club on Saturday mornings in the small basement hall at the Baptist church. (i was baptized presbyterian) .... getting lost here....

focus: sunday i went to church with Miss Stacy. and i rediscovered that sense of community that i usually only access when i'm with the crew, in a place where joy and release are the goal and music is the path. i was given confirmation that so many of the things that i have set aside remain set aside. i have not picked them back up and that is a huge goal attained for me. and it was FUN and JOY filled, and i am quite looking forward to next week. now i will have to work on the few stubborn ones that i just don't seem to really want to give up... by the hundred little gods we people are stupid! let it go girl!

so here it is monday - and like James Brown says - I feel goood!!!!

finally back to work

you know i'm sick when the blog lays lost in the interwebs and the crackbook status line doesn't change, and i get behind in my scrabulous games.

semi human today - part rock, part wookie

ttyl

day 2 of the newest year

the crew all chipped in and had a New Year, Darrell's bday, Dana's bday and tossed in KevinH's bday for good measure new year's eve. hosted at D&J's, they invited us all in and Jillie even lifted the "don't smoke in the house ban" on account of the cold. the hot tub was a wash but the guitar hero competition in the basement raised both the floor and the roof ;)

plenty of tasty bits and horse durvers - snacks and salads - great company and fun with the family we got to choose. like any other family we have our own dysfunctional members (most of us) and we look after each other when there is a difficulty. there were about 30 of us before the kidlet count and there were over a dozen MIAs!(and sorely missed they were)

man - it was LOUD! and the basement was even louder (like a wedding at the farm) ... heh heh heh - must be gettin' old. the birthday songs were sung, if slightly off key (like many of our jokes) and WTF? - we couldn't find a count down on the TV at midnight. so we improvised as usual and did it twice, with extra midnight kisses all around. when I left around 3am, a few people had roused from their little power naps, the upstairs crew were chillin, the kitchen was like a campfire chat and the basement was still rockin' out.

up early round 8 or so and got the laundry done, started on making arrangements for when i go in for the knee fix, put away my presents THANKEE THANKEE & made the traditional new years day calls. waited for my ride to show up at noon to go to Earl's for margarita's - but no go, must have been catching up and I was not going to be the one to wake her. decided to start the new year with a clean house and washed some floors, cleaned my room, & took the tree half down (you need to realize that it takes 2 people over 3 hours just to hang the decorations never mind the garland and the lights) which i will attempt to finish tonight.

went to be early but could not get to sleep so i read until some ungodly hour of the morning... and now it's off to the first day of work in this new year (1 more and I get an extra week of paid vacation) and i cleared most of my desk before I left on Monday. yay me!

the best of years to everyone in 2008!

blogging for a year review:

change is eternal ... La diva's ideas for a year in review: go back into your backlog of blogs and use the first sentence from the first post for each month of the past year. . .

Jan - zippity doo dah day, roll over and bathe in the wash of sunshine on buddha gold walls, warm happy safe. bronchitis battle rolls on, with me mostly losing.

Feb - 2nd: I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, got caught up on my daily tasks yesterday. though I know there are several letters that will claim my attention this morning; I may yet get to some of the project work I have planned.

Mar - the 3rd of the 3rd: okay then, was back to work this week - and glad to be there, people starvation had set in solid.

Apr - 20 sentences, my friend abigail found this interesting idea on Saviabella's "blog, inspired ~ she wrote her own list. devi turned 7 and Charlie was born - 1st of the homely crew babes.

May - Abigail has an inside track on 5 question interviews for bloggers. seth turned 6 and camping May long at Sherwood.

June - the 5th: holy crap it's June and May whizzed past me ... as did June. working the 3 day week plan for summer with my vac days on Mon and nonDO firdays - worked great.

July - camping was such a release. weather was great - thank the hundred little gods for the patio. reading the bright yellow book from Cody - was very hard not to just fling it away.

Aug - the 3rd: the famdamily was of to the EX Wednesday afternoon - thought we'd take advantage of the cooler weather 28-29 and the breeze that was blowing. the dead celebrity party was a riot alice.

Sept - actually the 4th : sorry i haven't seen you in a bit, it was labour day longweekend which is the girl's ritual weekend away at Lu's camper in Sherwood Forest. bellydancing started & i'm lovin' it!

Oct - me knee has learned a new language. after a 5 day week that was just go gadget go - it really shouldn't have surprised me that there was a fraturday nite abourning in this last weekend of September; the ladies auxilliary was out in full force - and some of the members we hadn't seen in a while also arrived. Later on in the month we had a lovely triple birthday costume hallwe'en party at the House Of Pain.

Nov - It is the 1st of November and the boy has most of the boxes moved, just the big furniture to go now and he'll have that done today .... well the last of it was out by the end of the month and for the first time since I was 16 there are no piles of kids stuff anywhere ;) Katie's 19th bday was celebrated in high style with formal wear at the pub.

Dec - from the 2nd : curtis birthday friday was a blast. The O'Hanlon's Ladies Auxillary meeting of the broads party was a lovely chaotic crush. pre-christmas in moose jaw was terrific with potluck, and santa eve & day were spent in a lovely relatively quiet family christmas with my kids and grands. Boxing day at the pub saw quite a few of the crew too.

result: i figured i made entries on the 1st exactly half the year. not too shabby at all. i didn't whine too much. i like lists. i have been late on my "5 on the 27th" 1 out of 4 times... i don't beat myself up as much as i used to. i have loads of friends. my life seems to be going in a different direction than last year. all i can do is hope i didn't take a wrong turn and enjoy the ride.

if you get a chance sometime just after midnite - say this phrase: om mani padme hum
namaste

5 on the 27th #4 ~ just a tad late

beautiful eyes and a great smile ~ tall, old enough to pull at the LB. a captain no less, and a car. strong and gentle and good - great family reputation and a steady part time job - my parents loved that i was going out with you (they swallowed the fact that you were 3 years older because the other options were simply not to be considered). you were dependable and romantic and a good kisser. but you were in the end, a small town boy and i was trouble on two feet. i apologize sweets, you were my boy next door and i was the delinquent braless flag you waved at your parochial parents when they pissed you off.

you were my guilty pleasure, my secret hideaway. early mornings redolent with the mouth watering aroma of fresh baking and warm sugar glaze as i took that first big chomp while the glaze was still dripping. ripping down the highway in your 65 mustang coupe - as fast as we could go and careening to a stop so that we could make love in a wheatfield (take a sturdy blanket)... the first time you let me drive the Kawy - man - that was huge!!! the original chevy van with the orange shag keyhole & the minifridge for my strawberry angel. you really should have seen the look on my mom's face when she found my riding leather - the one with all the fringes you got me - i think she would have been okay if i hadn't told her how really old you were when she guessed wrong. what a rotten child i was, but then that's why you loved me. ditto.

i never did fit into the societal structure. at 16 i needed to be needed. you needed someone. married at 16 & 18, in spite of them all, we set out to make our own little family that would just love us for who we were. though i never regret my children - man were we stupid. what did we really think we were doing? did we think? hindsight being 20/20 we might want to have waited till we grew up a little before imposing our craziness on our kids. they are turning out great though, in spite of us ... it's always circles isn't it?

heat. we danced close and closer all night, with the barbies gaping in disbelief when you ignored their attempts to snatch you away. sunglasses at night. so tuned to the vibe my knees were trembling and you asked if i had a shower at my place. i did ;)

you lifted my heart and dissappeared me down the rabbit hole. our mutual obsession for 5 years & soul love by bowie, shades by iggy and most of the pistols carried us to faraway places. mushrooms, spandex, heavy metal and an endearing curiosity. you were the penultimate peter pan and though i never realized it i was wendy and her brothers all twizzled together with a sprinkling of peter's boys just for the explosive effect. bring on the hook - he cannot prevail because we are invincible!
but we were wrong. i started to grow up and you left me for someone who would share your happy place without question. idol, medora, the trainride ~ treasured memories all. you are my heart friend and i miss you.

the year of overcoming entropy

this has been a tumultuous year for almost everyone i know. small defeats and large miracles. looking back it has been all about the importance of moving forward.

look back all you want, but do not get stuck there. just because reality is "blahblahblah" today, does not mean it has to stay that way. if you do nothing to change it/yourself/the situation - it will maintain or devolve into something truly horrendous.

if you choose to make a positive effort, great or small, change will occur. the outcome is never guaranteed, but at least you are choosing. enough of the pushme-pullyou indecisiveness of modern wo/man.

take a fucking stand.

this year i had a double handful of friends who persevered made a change or took a stand. palinode for his health care. abby for her dignity. schmutzie for her femininity (no - really baby - unknowingly or not you did) savia for song. patty & deb for their mental health. brad for not smoking. asi for daddyhood. katie for adulthood. nick dee & gio for family values. rod for self reliance. at least 6 people who refused to be doormats. laurie for daily idependence. the Wrocks for committment. mur for growing up & out. pixx for her kids and her refusal to let the system throttle her, mandy & chris for plugging through the daily grind, everyday - together, and chedly for allowing himself the time to heal. bren for self image, kory for his health and carrie for her fitness.

to all the people around me who make the little and big changes, hard as they may be.
THANK YOU.

this year I learned to be comfortable with the word cunt. thanks for the book cody!

onward

it's christmas eve

it's christmas eve -
time to down-a-few-pints and get-up-and leave

i'll take the buuus - to the dotter's hoooouse
sneak in the doooor - quiet as a 300 pound mooouse...
the kids will squeeeeal with chiiildish gleee -
and jump up and down on my wounded knee ....

it's christmas eve
it's christmas eve... and i love every min - ute of it!

to everyone i knw, and those i have yet to meet - a happy santa season!!!

fun with cheese

after many requests for recipes from the meeting of the broads - here goes:

Cheese Ball
Ingredients:
2 pkg 500g cream cheese 1/2 small white onion diced fine
1 Tsp worcestshire sauce 1/3 red pepper diced fine
1 Tsp lemon juice 10 twists of ground black pepper (coarse)
1 Tsp Lime juice 1/8 C parsley flakes
1 C shredded cheese - (monterey jack or an jalapeno mix is tasty)
1/2 C cashews ( put them in the coffee bean grinder/food processer and crush fine - or you can always beat hell out of them with a rolling pin)

Instructions: Cream ingredients together, shape into ball.
Roll in crushed cashews ( or other nuts of choice - never mind ...).
Options: add nuts, hard chopped fruit, different peppers, dill, crab, other seafood, ham, etc.

Spinach Dip
Prep time: ½ hour
Ingredients:
2 pkg frozen spinach thawed & drained 2 C sour cream
1 C mayo (miracle whip for tang) 1 pkg Knorr cream of vegetable soup
1 can water chestnuts finely chopped 3 green onions finely chopped
1 C cheddar or marble cheese grated ½ sm red onion finely chopped
2 Tsp dill (optional) 1/8 C chopped fresh parsley parsley
1 Tsp worcestshire sauce S&P to taste
1 or 2 loaves of unsliced pumpernickel bread 3 sticks celery chopped fine
Options: shrimp, crab, bean sprouts, shredded carrots, lemon grass, tarragon, garlic

Instructions:
Mix all the dip ingredients together and chill at least 3 hours
Slice top off load and cube, hollow loaf out and cube interior, slash sides of loaf 2 inches deep
Fill slashed loaf with dip, and arrange cubed chunks around base. chop up extra bread you'll need it. Nan bread and pita bread in wedges work well for displays.

mmmmmmm.... cheezey goodness

the saddest day

15 years today ... my world stopped, i couldn't breathe, i couldn't speak, mind numbing terror and anger and loss. my mom was gone. i was empty.

15 years and it's like it was yesterday and a million years ago.

i love you mom.

on the 4th day of christmas

my true love gave to me -

Four fro-zen fingers (do not drop a smoke in a fluffy snowbank as the hand heat will get it wet)
Three winter coughs
Two wobbly feet
and a set of dead lights in my tree.

the OLA doubleD party was a roaring success thanks to all those who stopped by and hugs to those who didn't make it. it made me realize how much i love to entertain. and i now know the seating volume comfort limit of most of the rooms in our place. living room 12-14, office 6, bedrooms half a dozen, kitchen 2, smoking deck 5-6. At one point there was just about 30 people there. lovely lovely lovely.

y'all just made my week.

on the 1st day of christmas ...

my true love gave to me ...

a dead set of lights in my tree.


... and right at the top no less! like i needed to add another to do to my not t'done list.

so today is holy crap i have to get all of this done today day. i was woken up by a call from my sister at 7:45 on my day off with bad news about a friend, my unfulfilled wish that the problem with the happy lights would magically disappear slapped me upside the head (you'd have toknow how anal i am about the tree to understand the true depth of that particular tragedy), 10 time consuming tasks that absolutely must get done today and a cheery good morning from the head cold i have been avoiding for the past two weeks.

on the upside, it is my day off, a couple of friends have promised to give me a hand with the list and minilights are cheap.

wish me luck, it'll be off to wallymart later.

and a most magnificent happy birthday in absentia to aurthur guinness.

thursday

AAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

sloggin through the murk

i know i was productive this week but it certainly does not feel that way.

my heart goes out to a couple of people who are dealing with relative trauma (sending all good thoughts) and unspeakable loss (just keep going forward). thank the hundred little gods for my sorta stable family of the moment.

it's probably just reaction to the first week of real cold and OF COURSE with the weekend coming on it looks to get colder -28C tomorrow at least - before the wind. sounds like a good night to stay in, finish up the christmas cards and get some of the resents wrapped. think i might stack the candles in the fireplace and pretend.

was at the screening of 2 new films this week. certainly amusing (i love irony) a fair bit of tongue in cheek juxtaposed with supper 'en cheek and followed by cheeky villeins and a bit too much vomiting chicken for my taste. loved the gypsie schmooze. but it WAS FUNNY and an evening out with the girls is always a good time. strangely enough i knew one of the actors, and one of the actors' moms.

regina is such a small tiny insulated little place ... why am i still here?

i didn't lose it!!!!

i won a solid sense of self satisfaction at a small job well done - most days - even if i didn't win anything from the nablopomo prize list.

i didn't lose the lens camera from my "oh my god are you an idiot for spending that much on a camera" camera. my friend la schmutzie picked it up when she saw it adventuring among the pint glasses ans has saved me a trip to look for it in person.

i didn't lose my sangfroid when the tools at 4 separate computer stores treated me an ID10T problem before they even spoke to me.

i didn't throw my poutine with the frozen FROZEN cheese curd and broken plastic tine at the malignant tumours that were manning the tills at A&W saturday at lunch time, and after waiting 20 minutes and watching 6 or 7 other people get served i decided enough. i asked for a refund for my poutine which had yet to arrive - "oh here it is now that you're at the till and already done your burger and coffee" and lo and behold - not one of the 6 people behind the counter knew how to refund a single item, so they refunded my for my poutine, drink & burger. so i also won my lunch (looking for the positive here).

which reminds me I owe my sister $5 for the greycup game.

and today i won the "you are the best grandma in the world" award which i will collect on santa morning from my devi when she sees that i found her an $#@#^@#^@@^$@^@ - it's a secret and she's a smart little cookie...

sunday morning/lunch

curtis birthday friday was a blast. i was so happy to see so many of the crew that don't make it out too often, even my seester- i still have to process all the pics though.

spent sat afternoon with my friend Renee, we'd found the laptop she wanted friday am, but hadto wait till the shipment came in on Sat. we got to the store - still not in ... heavy sigh. we'll have to go back later this week.

lots of art and glue and glitter with wax paper snowflakes and the grandson. we watched a movie, had pizza with no green peppers and he had pop and pudding and applesauce. we stayed up till 11pm cuddling in the big chair and had a very good sleep. yogurt and grannysmith apples for breaky - pizza for snack, and lipton's chicken noodle soup for lunch. we've done the dishes and vacuumed and he has beaten me at 2 games of itsy bitsy spider, though i did redeem myself by winning frustration.

then it's off to his house to make paper bag reindeers and my daughter is making sunday supper.

gotta love the weekend!