ready in fifteen -

Toss the cordless across the room, convoy arrival in,

15 minutes: Quicksort the closet: work, social, out, formal, alternate season and or size.
Parameters: Season? (woe betide those in this situation at change of season when everything is fair game) Where? When? Who? Party or pints? What did I wear there last?

Spring+pub+Satevening+crew&Oldfriend(fair missed)+blujeans whitehodievest= Blk jeans RB Penguin tee jacket

11 minutes: personal hygiene

7 minutes: Mineral particulate clings to horsehair, the gentle sweep grants release to settle into crannied nooks transforming reality to delusion. Tortuous steel teeth force kinks into place of natural arcs. Sticks of wax and unknown oily bits redefining planes and curves, provoking false perceptions, and inviting alternate possibilities.

*** howling in silent glee as I reread that last ;)

2 minutes: dressed, shod, and wrapped,(wriggle pull tuck) purse/phone/cash/maybe camera.

A touch of scent, she locks her door from the inside.

The phone rings, right on time.

tip toe

through the tulips,
in the garden,
taht is where I'll be .....

ROTFL - then I get this vision of my sister and myself with 30 pounds of caked mud up our legs trying to clear dad's raspberry garden ... beautiful.

stupid gardens.

happy birthday Murray

It is hard to believe you are 26 today and yet so easy to see. I love you. I am proud of who you are whatever you may think. You are so very talented and generous. I am looking forward to supper. Huge dk hugs.

Irish for a day

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone - may you live in interesting times ;)

doin' the nod

Setting: on a wild a wicked windy winter wednesday wench wends her way past bushes so fozen the twigs crackle and pop with each blustery blow. Unbeknowst to our heroine steam seeps from the tendrils of shower damp hair peeking out of her parka hood to create a personal fog that follows everywhere she steps.

A brazen 13 story block of semi modern cement beckons ...

Enter wench: (a mad dash from the taxi to the front door)sotto mumble: thank the hundred little gods the auto lock is turned off this time of morning she reaches to her face to wipe the encroaching fog from her specs only to find that she isn't wearing any. what the ...? her brows scrinch down upon the bridge of her nose and she flutters her worn gloves in front of her face seeking clearer air without any luck.

She heaves the door open and the wind slams it against the safety rail on the other side, clanging and banging echoes through the elevator foyer of a workplace barren of its denizens except for the singular security guard at 7:30 in the morning.

Morning Lman the usuaul smile absent from her normally cheerful visage
The security guard chuckles Cold enough for ya?
muttering under her breath as she stabs the UP button everyone's a f.... comedian!

The elevator opens onto her floor aromatic with the scent of early morning coffee, after a brief arguement with the door combination lock she finally makes it into her cubicle to divest herslef of the winter layers needed for survival this week of the ides of March. Mumbling to herself as she peels, This coat is too freakin heavy, the scarf scratches, damn, dropped the stupid glove again, where's I put my smokes, gowd I need caffeine, why is the PC on? where'd I put that urgent file - ouch... damn file drawer ...

you get the picture... by 2:00pm she is quietly doing the nod as the sugar from the kung pao chicken combines with the burgeoning heat rising from the floors below. Hope she doesn't snore ;)

Mr. Winter's response:

I am a cold hearted mother.... and it sucks to be you.

Dear Winter:

I submit. You are all powerfull. You have trodden the strongest hearts and wills into bloody heartcicles and we are done in. We are depressed and cold and tired and cold and bitchy and cold and we really only like our beer cold. Which by the way, you manage to freeze when left in the trunk for 4 hours.

Please go south and/or north for your hibernatory period and allow us to refresh our memories of warmth, and sun that has heat, and walks around the lake that don't see one frozen in place on the Trafalger bridgehead. Or go to Cuba I hear it's nice there this time of year.

The winter blues, the flue, the ague, the sniffles, headcolds, bronchitis, pneumonia, arthritis, bursitis, excema will follow your recession into the hinterland and the peasants will rejoice.

Please make us happy and go away.

With all my heart,
the frozen flatlands

I read it on the internets ...

so it's true.

Patty & dk are skinny bitches.

Ten random things beginning with the letter G:

An invitation to meme from Saviabella : you get a random letter assigned to you and then you create a list of your ten favourite things that begin with that letter. Savia has assigned me with the letter G.

As a G stream of consciousness:

1. Good times - c'mon, that was a Gimme ..... LOL I kill me!

2. Gigabytage - the more the better and in this case size does in fact matter. I am now flirting with Terabytage .... what can I fill it up with?

3. Gin. Specifically Bombay Gin .... with soda, a splash of tonic (enough so that it glows in the dark) and lime juice with wedges. In a Pint glass, doubled. On the deck ....ah it all goes back to summer.

4. The word "gadzooks" which is commonly used as an exclamation. However Deb & I looked up the etymology this morning and it comes from "God's hooks: as in the nails used in the crucifixion of Christ. I guess in this case a painful exclamation. Sometimes I think I should just star iggerrant.

5. The ideology of the "Goddess", the "great Mother", and Gaia", all gals with a plan and an understanding of how we are all interconnected.

6. Gargoyles: the protective ones not the evil slimy ones.

7. Gangster movies, the old black and whites, stylin'.

8. Guns: the noise they make and the damage they do. Respectfully, and in a good way, and not on people. I am an avid ingestor of the wild. Elk, deer, moose, bison. Have you ever tried to catch your dinner with a bow & arrow? It's usually NOT. But the feeling - like electric shock, when you are shooting ... like heroin only better.

9. Galapagos - my dream dream vacation, a month just drifting from island to island - well, not really drifting, how about sailing ... yes - that's it! The fecundity of that part of the earth is limitless.

10. Grapefruits. Sweet and tart. What a saucy breakfast. The juice without sugar so it puckers your kisser, specially the ruby red ones. I eat them like oranges.

And as a bonus G-Man. You know who you are ;)
G, G,, let's sing the song of Geeeeeeee.

4 days off and it's -35 ... hurry up spring

It is too cold to trudge over to Bitten - only 7 blocks away to go to my belated staff christmas party. I have wasted many hours now trying to reinstall my Sims game with no success though I did make it work on my daughter's PC. I had to uninstall it when the boys got a virus on my laptop. I had it working, the I broke it with the add ons. Damn.

But the plumber is coming tomorrow to install my new kitchen taps, since I broke the hot tap off in my hand on Christmas day - only 2 years old and I had them custom ordered. Not happy Home Depot. Hopefully I'll have a visit with my son, a quick tan, then birthday cake with not-so-crazy Patty's crew and pints with Clinton if he's around and about.

Saturday an early visit to PJ's, maybe tea with Saviabella, and a casual evening over at Dixie Chick's.

I started a different blog ... wickedocity ... it is not politically correct. Consider yourself warned should you venture there.

hmmm ... humpday

It is actually winter out today, it was -27 this morning yet now when I gaze out the 12th story window, sunlight almost blinds me with its radiance, though there is little heat partnered with it. The weather has ben just freakin' wonky the last few weeks, but that really isn't a strangeness, it just hasn't been February for a year. Saturday it was so nice out I didn't have to wear socks for Scrabble with Team Mensa!

Today I'm tired - I think I am sleeping with my eyes open - but how do you tell - when you are asleep. All I know is that since before Christmas, everymorning when I wake up there is a .5cm section of BOTH my eyeballs that is bloodshot. It's as if my eyes aren't quite closed - so if I open them all the way, the rest of the eyeball is normall whiteness... I have tried to catch myself just as I wake up but that's not working. And now I've noticed that I believe I can see things even when my eyes are completely closed, like looking through tissue paper. Perhaps I am developing super menopausal powers, that would be kind of cool, or at least a bit of a trade off.

I find that I am completely unable to become enthused over other people's new pets. That sucks. I have been a friend to cats everywhere my whole life, and had some fun with dogs (though they still see a bit stupid to me - even the smart ones) but now that I have become allergic to them, the instantaeous cmraderie I used to feel when meeting a new feline friend has fizzled to almost nothing. Waaaah! As for the dogs - sure puppies are cute, until they pee on you, or the rug, or the cat. Mostly they're like mewling puking newborns... hmmmm perhaps some pent up angst there?

I like kids once they are around two and a half. Out of diapers and talking. THEN they're fun!

stock taking

No it is not a new and improved version of Stock Ticker, nor it is an inventory for a retail outlet, or a really good deal in the market. It's what I need to do to help get myself out of the doldrums.

First, what's getting me down? Winter, other people going on faraway vacations to sunny beaches, the infernal saskatchewan dust - in the winter with all the windows closed (well except mine in my bedroom), being obese, my knee going wonky on and off, never finding exactly what it is I want to do, barely anything amusing on TV, not being able to find a carwash that is either working or doesn't have a line up a block long, chin hair, smoking, not doing what I now I should do for my own health and peace of mind, my dad getting sick again, other people that I love having crappy things happen to them, not finding my best tweezers, having to do my taxes.

Hmmmm... oh my life is SOOOOOOO hard. Sometimes I really have to wonder at myself. I think I'm having a hard time being grateful for the good time I'm living. What a whiny bitch I have become.

On the otherside of down, what keeps me up? Lots of truly great friends, a relatively stable family (it's all in the perspective), a good job doing work that I like with great people, I have lost over 30 pounds since January but I'm not sure where from, stand up tanning booths (my cure for light deprivation - just wish I'd done it sooner), a lovely little set of wheels that has given me some serious mobile freedom, my iPod, knock wood - no virii on my PCs, happy grandkids, Sat Scrabble with Team Mensa, aquacize when I don't talk myself out of it, a sugaring for leg hair removal.

Okay, I have to go cogitate on this a bit. cheers.

almost thursday

It's been a long week for such a short one. Hope to catch up a bit tomorrow. Slacked off and didn't go to aquacize with Abigail today. I'm going to try sugaring my legs on Friday - we'll just see how that goes. I am NOT fond of waxing, so I take the old fashioned rote and shave. But I'm tired and really haven't done much to day so g'nite.

Friday the 13th - WOO HOO!

Hey little sister what have you done.....

This week's list is so long I'll skip it to say that by 9:30 this am, I am caught up at work. My sister's valentine dilemma is solved, her Ipod is now working and she has memorized the basics on how to manage her tunes. My laundry is thawed AND dry. I've not eaten anything after 8pm all week.

Yesterday as my valentine's treat for myself (one advantage of singletonism is actually getting what you want), I signed up for some fake and bake as a cure for systemic lightlessness - great place actually, called Brown Sugar on Dewdney, couple of bonzer standups and this new hitech better faster machine ... great space, nice vibe, candles on the floor and an aromatherapist and masseuse on premise. Check it out ;)

And work - my ongoing nemesitical partner - is GREAT today. Projects wrapped, Newsletter off to publisher, and correspondence up to date and maybe a teensy weensy bit ahead. Cleared the in/out trays, did the weekly shredding (which hasn't been done since before christmas) and cleaned my desk. Rewrote my contact lists and will clean out the email before end of day.

And Seth my 7 almost 8 grandson is coming for a sleepover tonight. We'll have to figure something out for supper, then he'll want to do the recycling - he loves to wander in the basement hallways of my condo building. The building will be a hundred in 2014 so the basement is all warren-y. Most likely we'll play frustration, have a game of chess and watch a movie. Tomorrow we're off to Miss PJs bright and early to lend a hand fixing a door and do some vacuuming and maybe a bit of a tinker on the PC.

After Seth goes home I have 3 days off (except for some household chores I need to get done) . Saturday afternoon is Scrabble with the ladies at ye old pub, and I still have no idea what I will be taking to potlach at anarchy's later on the heart day!

empty headed

the voices left

Is it Friday yet?

By the hundred little gods - I need six uninterupted hours of sleep - at night. No hot flashes today - yeaHHHHH! The caribou I had for supper was mmm-mmmm-goood. Fade ms. moon fade.

selective hearing

I wish I had it. It took me alot of effort to try and eradicate the skills learned in teenland, and now I find myself wishing I had them back. I wouldn't have to recognize the pain in peoples voices. I could blithely walk away from those auditory appeals that follow tone and timbre not words. It would be so much easier to delude myself. Sometimes delusion is good.

sleepless

My life is pretty good.
The lives of those closest to me are not.
I've done all I can.
It's not enough.
I can not stand to watch that kind of pain and not feel the need to fix it.
The nightmares won't stop.
I know that it's subconscious guilt.
Doesn't make one iota of difference.
I'm always crying inside.
The voices are making me crazy.

sunday doldrums

The bday party was great on Friday, Kev was happy, a rousing game of LOTR Monopoly was played (it even has the one ring) where Jaime the slum-mistress was kicking ass and taking properties. it was potlach so I made this tasty shepherd's pie my way: bison brie bison havarti onions celery garlic and herbed smashed potatoes with Monterrey jack and mozza on top. It was gone lickety split - Yeah!

Saturday was spent with at the Winter Caleigh - playing Scrabble, quaffing a few pints with a few dozen friends old and new. D&J made it down with Dalindy and dragged in a couple of WOW friends from Ontario - another DK no less and he was hilarious! We toasted the Brennan's bday in absentia - the dancing king is still in Oz.

And now after a great night's sleep I am fired up and ready to attack the household horrors. Unfortunately I have now made three fruitless trips down to the communal laundry and have yet to get a load in. My enthusiasm quickly wanes. I still need to vacuum, clean the biffy, and hopefully make a dent on the crap I need to clean sweep from my room so I can lay out the pattern pieces for the sewing project. As the day creeps forward I don't appear to be getting anywhere fast. Ah me....

So I shall make another trip to the bowels of the condo and see yet again if there is a washer open - and I will remember to take the recyclables this time ...

bitters

After work, which was better yesterday because I seem to at least have gotten a small handle on my desk, I was on my way to aquacize, my concerted effort to get healthier with Abigail twice a week. I had already missed Monday and found myself really looking forward to the pool and the hottub and sauna afterwards. Anyway - the Dakar and I were stopped at a stop sign on 15th, which still has some nasty partial rut ridges impeding steering control, when Dakar and I were not so gently nudged forward by another vehicle that did not stop quite - in - time.

AAARRGGHHHH! Not my Dakar... panic mode! But there she was, all in one peice, a little dirt scuffed off the bumper - all gouda. And the other car was fine too. But the driver - the one who hit me, not so good. Granted she had what looked like an expensive shiny car, but it was her front rubber bumper that pushed my plastic one and you couldn't even tell that she had smudged the dirt off hers - digression - but she was fussing and fideting and whatisissing ...

I was fine - no damage and I wanted to get going. I went to get the DL and Reg just for records sake and sop the woman's fears when I realized that they were in my back pack at home because I don't take anything of value with me to the pool. Not Good. So there I am searching my car that I keep too clean for a busines card with my info, and the pretty princess skirt for my bathing suit is waving in the wind out the bottom of my jacket because I put it on at home to save time once I get to the pool. Lovely.

After 45 minutes of trying to mollify the tizzy old woman, I gave her my number and left. Funny how I automatically drove to my dotter's (too late for class now) and collected some grandhugs. Then I had to apologize to Deb and Abigail because it never even entered my mind to let them know I was okay. Shame on me.

So this morning I'm a little stiff - but no stiffer than the day after aquacize or a day of Wii games. Mr. IBProfen and I know how to conquer that.

I guess I'm just bitter about the complete waste of time that women sucked out of my life.

dear sucks to be you

"I don't know what to do." - stop whining and figure out what you need to do, AND DO IT!!!

"Why does this always happen to me?" - you invite it by refusing to break out of your cycle of loserdom.

"Why can't I get a break?" - you didn't earn it yet you lazy ass

"I never get to do anything?" - maybe if you smiled once in a while you'd get invited

" but she... but he... but they..." - shut the hell up & take responsibility for your own shite.

In the end it's both what you do and what you do not do that shapes your life.

Choose.

hmmm, I seem a bit cynical today.

dear no life codgers

Please go whine and complain elsewhere. I am quite fed up with your idiosyncratic poor me stories based upon little or no fact, and without a genourous dollop of imagination.

Your negativity is curdling my mornings, and moulding my afternoons.

Happily February is a short month, and once the winter doldrums start to take themselves off, I have hopes that the general tone will improve.

Really, get a Wii, go to Arizona, take a few miles cross country on the sled - but get a life.

ground hog day

surprise

6 more weeks of winter

it's fuckin' Monday, go back to bed.

what did I do?

I must have done something ... more than the usual, but I'm not sure what. When I ask, I get hmmm .... no real answer, but I'm certainly being cut out. No more certain way to drive me over the bend. Being the blunt and forward person that I am, I try and deal with a problem right there. Then it can be resolved - or not - but at least there can be some understanding. I thought I was conforming but I guess not. Chock it up to experience I guess.

the solitude of strength

A Leonard Cohen tune that seems to reverb through my brain today.

I grew up with "be strong", "if you want a job done right do it yourself", "work for it", "family first".

It can be a very lonely place.

...so a few hours later I look at the above^ and wonder which personality felt the need to express itself through my most normal mode of expression. It must be one of the repressed ones because I occasionally have to self edit. A few particular uninvited visitors from the -ugh!- real world.)
I got into the yoga pants (read stretchy and seamless but cotton not spandex)amd released the sisters from their tortue francais. Deck shoes, a glass of fine Napolean Brandy, coffee break, a ciggy and out to the deck I go. It's beautiful out, snow softly drifting down. ...3 bick walls surrounding me ... breathe.

Let the groove settle, crank the iPod and dance and sing on the deck for half an hour. Need more brandy.

Thank the hundred little gods that tomorrow is Friday.

I go thome,

I don't want it back, keep it.

1. a kleenex after use
2. a toothbrush that falls in the toilet.
3. either ex husband
4. a cold
5. the 21 pounds i have lost this month

small graces 2/09

1. Happy grandkids.
2. Arms that work the dayafter aquacize.
3. Rising temperatures.
4. green chai
5. peanut butter icing.
6. peer pressure ;)

creepy nightcrawlin' february blues

Other people call them winter blues. I do not. It is not winter's fault. It's the fault of mother earth's axial tilt and the shorter expanse of daylight hours. If she didn't flirt with the sun so, it wouldn't be an issue. It is then aggravated by peoples' nonconformance to enjoy freezing their arses and various other stickyouty appendages off during a flatlands winter day.

The last 3 days for example have registered temperatures colder than Xandru's 39th hell, minus 34-37 celcius BEFORE the wind chill, which makes the reality of frozen eyeballs just a quick walk to the store at something around minus 45 freaking below. brrr brrr fucking brrrrr.

And even if you make it through the whole forshortened day, the night just goes on and on and on, the tendency to sleep longer earlier later kicks in and then your whole cycle is pooched. My downstairs neighbours must be deaf because deb and I have been taking shifts every 2 hours poppin' up wide awake - no particular reason - doing the nightcrawler shuffle. Have a glass of water - nope. I'm hungry, look in fridge - nope. Have a couple drags of a smoke - nope. Go to the bathroom - nope. Any thing on TV - nope. Read a book - HAH! - nope. Go back to bed and hope you can sneak upon dreamland once again. By the end of Jnauary - you are ALWAYS tired.


Ahhh where was I? Oh yes, the light lustre days are actually getting longer - noticably YAHOO!!! Warm comes later. I've found 3 cures for winter blues. A vacation to where there is sun and a minimum of 12 hours a day of intense light (not that I get to go there but I watch my friends as thy leave and return ... heavy sigh).

Fake baking once every 2 weeks even - just for 5 minutes - really - it makes a world of difference. Have a smoke, put the tunes on and dance around in an upright booth buck naked for 15 minutes and the world is shiny and new! Don't worry - you don't have to look at yourself, you've got the suntanning blinder eyes on, so dance like no one is watching - no one is ;)

On a less extreme note find the window in your house that gets the noon to 4 oclock sun. Pull a chair into the path of the light fantastic, read a book, watch tv, have a nap - I don't care. But spend a couple of hours in direct light - like a plant, it'll perk you right up.

Well have to run. It's haul my ass to aquacize to get rid of the fatoldladyitiss I've allowed to weigh me down. It's all about escapism ;)

hide - february's coming.

change is eternal ...

almost hump day

Has anyone else noticed that the winter blues have kicked hard into gear - even though we've got this lovely little warm spell (warm equals warmer than -20C) Nice enough one day to make some puddles ;) I love puddles - especially first thing on a frosty morning when the icy skin is like fragile 100 year old glass. It crackles happily when you crush it, but sometimes you can hear the moan of it bending to the point of fracture - fighting for its physical integrity all the way.

As you can see I am easily distracted by shiny things even if I am the only one who can see them. Makes any attempt at meditation totally pointless, unless perhaps just a stream of consciousness release? Well it's an option.

Wells - smothering voids rank with the decay of earthly erosion or wellsprings of life. You decide. For me - it depends on the day, hour, minute ... Ding dong dell, pussy's in the well...

I haven't heard the bells on the glockenshpiel recently, I wonder if they turn it off in the winter or if their clappers are frozen? One of the best things about sunday morning is the intoning of the local church bells - all at odds with one another ... religious cacophony.

Celebrate difference.

decisions ...

help someone or be selfish?

and you do it to yourself.

I will always be 8 years old

I read this on my cousin's FB page - and though I've heard it before it struck a nerve. I don't remember who originally coined it but:

childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at that age the child is grown, and puts away childish things. childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies

As long as they are in your heart they're never truly gone.

the dirges ...

I used to fake bake once a week from Nov to March - for the light and the to the bone heat. I should probably be doing that now.

2009 first small graces

1. Thinsulate mittens.
2. Fuzzy homemade scarves from your friends.
3. Pants that still fit after the holidays
4. Friends to exercize with.
5. The first payday after christmas;)

personal secrets

I like to keep them when they're mine, because I always have the option to share if I need to. I don't often, but it does seem lately that some fairly juicy items I've been holding onto for decades now are just popping out as bon mots or anecdotal conversation, and on several occasions said conversation stopped cold. It wasn't meant to shock, it wasn't even a conscious choice, just an automated dump of dirt I no longer felt the need to hold onto.

Apparently what I see as a normal part of my earlier life and my blase attitude about the whole business is perniciously self delusional. So I've been told.

For the record I am not self delusional, I have worked through the black and ugly stuff in my life, and while I am certainly not happy about it by any means, I have learned to accept it as a part of what made me who I am today. Many of my experiences are what afford me the considerable compassion I can occasionally access, that provides me with a nonjudgmental stance when certain delicate subjects are breached. If I point a finger at anyone, there are 4 pointing right back at me.

One of the greatest things about surviving past 40 is the longview. Priorities change, opinions shift, patience shows back up as a regular companion, and you may find yourself thinking "it wasn't so bad". It was. Then. That was a looong time ago. Let it go, do not let being chained to the past destroy your present and deny your future.

Shit happens. Flush it.

gen y - U @ 50

A group of genY's were asked to create videos titled 'u @ 50'. This video actually won second place. Simple and brilliant.

Take a minute and a half minutes to watch it all the way to the end.

another blogiversary

My how time flies. I was just catching up on the interwebs and preusing abigail's latest post about her blogiversary, when I realized that my blog turned 2 this month. Without fanfare or notice, it slid under the radar and happily started another cycle. Thanks to anyone who stops by!

Here is part of the first post:
so what is wenchwire? a work in progress, a collection of anecdotal ramblings, a real-ease from my corporate tongue in cheek, don't say what you mean but mean what you say and still be polite to the customer who is always right but may be wrong daily writing, goddess goodness, a rant forest, dk's digital declamation of interdependence. All of these more and less.

and still true.

2 days

Grace in HUGE things.
1. My car has started every time I asked it to.
2. I found an air hose that was working after only 4 tries! and less than 2 miles from home.
3. All the presents are wrapped.
4. I did not hack up chunks of lung this am.
5. after today - 5 days off. 3 days of family and 2 for me ;)

Except for food prep I'm ready, which is a fair bit behind my usually organized self, which is still fine since there's 2 days to go. I was back at the doc's after work and since 3 rounds of antibiotics in 7 weeks haven't killed the bronchitis - we are now trying a steroidal puffer. I got to sleep for 4 hours in a row. REALLY! So far so good - hopefully this will work cause I am sick and tired of being sick and tired... and bitchy.

So the positivity persona is on and I'll work from there. Have a vunderbar day everyone!.

4 days left ...

I hadn't even realized how long it had been since I was in here. December 20 th is always a hard day for me. It's the day my mom died and you'd think that after 16 years I'd get a freakin' grip. Heavy sigh. I try very hard to shiny happy but inevitable chaos theory or Mr. Murphy always makes a visit. I should know better than to try and make plans on that day, but I keep on hopin'.

The presents are wrapped except for the one that is the wrong size - to be replaced tomorrow, and the two that I know what to get but STILL haven't found exactly the right one - but better find on my lunch hour - also tomorrow. The nibblies for christmas eve and the fixin's for the turkey dinner are lodged in their respective places - and those items that may remain frozen are parked in the trunk of my car for lack of room in the deep freeze. I have placed a sticky note on the dash to remind myself.

I haven't had any problems with Dakar so far (YEAH) but this am it took three tries to get her to turn over. It was -38 celsius last nite before the wind chill - and it's back to -34 now. Holy snappin' arseholes, contrary to popular belief this is not the north pole. Thank the hundred little gods that I did not have to be on the highway today!

The plants have been trimmed and candles uncapped, laundry's in the dryer and I missed the afternoon nap. Got my ass kicked at scrabble with the crew this afternoon, and again by the son in law online, just to keep the hubris in line I'm sure. Finished the last of my 3rd round of antibiotics since the end of October today. The abscess has subsided, the cough is holding on for dear life and still won't let me get a full night's sleep, but I have "hangover" eyes - all red with bags under them as an after effect of the meds. MMMM sexy girl.

So I'm now waiting for the last load of laundry to dry so I can have a shower and crash - working the next 2 days, with a trip to the doc after work Monday and the nieces & nephews over for pics on Tuesday evening (if it happens - 4th time lucky?). Then I'm off from the 24th to the 28th. Cooking all the sides for dindin early on the 24th at the dotter's = with ma familia for cordials later. happy santa morning with the kids & grands and pictures all around, Moose Jaw command performance on the 26th - the stuffed baked potatoes for 20 are also in the trunk of my car awaiting transshipment. Then I get 2 days to myself. Who hoo!

Sounds kind of whiny I know. However on a more positive note:

Grace in Small things 9
1. Rides home from the pub so you don't have to wait for a cab.
2. A car that starts at subzero temps without being plugged in. (knock wood)
3. Not losing the scotch tape even once.
4. Truffles.
5. Bailey's.

So I wish everyone peace on earth a goodwill to all the beings on the planet - even the sick perverted sociopaths that Dexter hunts down. I'm still on a rant about why we would have a TV show where the star is a serial killer. Can NO ONE find something Good to make a TV show about??? WTF!!!!

Oops sorry - tangential thoughts sidetracking me once again. I hope everyone has a good holiday season. Happy solstice and on with the 8 crazy nights.

grace in small things 8

1. aroad trip in December where the highways are great and there's not too much traffic.
2. finding exactly what the grandkids asked for.
3. watching yourself heal
4. mmmm ... the first two or three sips of that first cup of coffee.
5. wrapping presents.

disgrace in small things 1

1. I fell asleep at 6pm last night and did not decorate the tree with Deb after I sort of made a big deal out of it.
2. I forgot to call my dad
3. I bought a pack of smokes last Friday and I'm still smoking them.
4. Yet another set of clippers has disappeared. I didn't even get to use these ones.
5. I am still procrastinating with the laundry.

grace in small things 7

1. shiny happy bits on my living room table.
2. A smile that lights up her eyes.
3. The joy in Seth's voice as he tells me he is "Star of the Week" at school - a bit of positive reinforcement from the teacher in a group effort to steer him away from violently lashing out.
4. Fudge.
5. contemplating the grocery list for Saturday

fine ...

I want to disappear today. Waft silently through the dustladen reconditioning system, buffeted willy nilly by cruel crossdrafts with no place to bruise, in no way responsible for my path or destination.

grace in small thigs 6

1. It's Friday
2. bacon & eggs made by someone else
3. free barbie furniture for the home decor project for my grandotter's barbie house for xmas.
4. only 9 letters on my desk
5. the scent of my favorite perfume Inde'cence by Givenchy ... makes me go mmmm and smaile, then I smell like butter.

I hope everyone has a fabulous day!

made it!

through thursday - 1 more to go. need mucho sleepo. coughing again today. that fuckin' cold sick whatever is not allowed to rent space in my ventricles for a third time in as many months. Out! I say!

the first winter hump day

I chose to wear the tomyanklesfurtrimmedhoodedextralongarmed winter blanket to work today and it was a most excellent choice.I observed the underdressedovercold lemmings shiver their brandname shrinkwrapped chilliness all the way to work. That lovely full throated chuckle that makes your insides gurgle along with you kept the furnace roaring and the face from freezing in the wind rictus. Winds that puch me are BIG winds. No put down, I am seriously grounded people.

The indoor temperature ran from semitropical to not quite subarctic and my teensy stainless steel desk fan was on and off and on and off ... like hooker's drawers.

it's really not even that cold out, but i didn't take out the gar-baje. 30 feet and a set of stairs. hump day.

I have started to cogitate on strong women - why and what the hell for.

grace 5 & it's Monday Monday

Monday the funday, the catchup on DO weekendays. the dkdeathday, fallasleepat mydeskafterpizzabuffetforlunchday. The icannotfindananswerday, as well as the ohmygodit'sa5dayweekday.

on the other hand ...

1. REALLY strong coffee - espressolike.
2. that room-making belch 20 minutes after lunch.
3. catching myself sending an email to the wrong address BEFORE I hit send
4. Finding some furniture that might work with the barbie house my daughter and I are refurbishing for my granddaughter
5. spending time smelling the ideas in Chapters.

blew nablopomo

I made it last year. This year I got sick and didn't go near the 'puter for a few days - after that it seemed pointless.

My life used to have all this extra time for mucking about on the interwebs and it seems that this year I interact directlt with people on a larger scale, and that is a good thing. It is my friends that hold me together on the shakey days. I love the Grace in small things idea but realize that I am not likely to do it every day. Instead, I will do it when I post.

Grace 4:
1. Going out with my friends to DO something and sharing some laughs and generating a good group vibe.
2. Driving around in dakar and relearning my city.
3. Finding travel info for Europe at my fingertips.
4. Enjoying a java with chums - just because.
5. Having a BFF that makes me sunday dinner - mmmm. Lovely.

grace in small things 3

1. It's 4 pm and I have 3 days off.
2. It is 3 days from the end of november and I can still see grass on the lawn & go outside without a parka.
3. I think the bronchitis has finally left my building.
4. It's redispersement day.
5. The electrolysis has actually and permanently rid me of at least 2/3s of my previous stubbily chin hair.

grace in small things 2

1. I have more truly good friends than I can count on both hands.
2. I did not hack up half a lung this morning.
3. It's the end of november and it's so nice I did not even have to scrape the windows on dakar.
4. Another member of the homely crew is getting married - I think.
5. I seem to have worlds of patience to help the grandkids figure out why they do what they do when they don't mean to do it.

diss - appearing

This is what happens when one of three things happens:
1. someone disses you outright
2. someone makes a remark in a tone that makes it sound like you are being dissed
3. you interpret something said as a diss
How do you tell which instance it is? Do you ask outright, which then in turn causes umbrage, and the wheels of chaos keep rumbling on? Do you repress your reaction and stick to your delusionally positive world? Do you continue hellbent down the road of wobbling sanity continually questioning your own ability to understand what people said in the terms that people meant them?

fuck.

grace in small things 1

thank you for the reminder schmutzie. I have made a conscious attempt at being a glass is half full person for about 20 years now. Some days it is all I can do to admit that the freakin glass is even there. However. It really is the small things that make our lives doable.

I tried to use your seal ... did not work. It's Monday - I'll try again another day, but I think the idea is a grand one. Do pass along a thanks to Madame B.

Grace in small things:
1. The smiles and kisses and hugs that rain down upon me from devi and seth my grandkids.
2. The first few sips of a freshly brewed cuppa joe with extra fatty cream.
3. The women in my life - all of them, especially the bitter ones.
4. Music, in my head, on the radio, ipod, tv, satellite, the stranger whistling down the street or the low thump of bass that threads its way up the stairs from my downstairs neighbours.
5. Making someone smile.

wed is mo better

startin to feel a little better.

slept through sunday

and in retrospect I wish i had slept through Monday too.


prefer NoMoreColdNo

nabloplomo sucks when you're sick & whiny

change is eternal ...

Friday DOs are grrrreat!!!

I got so many things done - little household tasks, air in dakar, visit with the boyo, groceries, made psgetti and foccacia with sneaker cheese, and now Pixx is over working her magic on Deb & I.

dear immigrant germs:

you were not invited. you are not wanted. get out!

hump day

It was. Lots of work - busy busy. Had one cigarette today, though I smoked it in 3 stages. Not bad. Went to visit anarchy & dasjules for a bit after work. Poor Abigail - I do so hope she feels beter soon. Jules gave me the first mandarin orange of the season - tasty tasty and it just smelled SO GOOOOD.

I can only hope that this stupid stitch in my side/back lets me sleep more than an hour and a half in a row. It's fine most of the day and then it's skewer and squirm.

One more work day for the week - big YAY! I love my job, but damn I'm tired.

Have you noticed lately how many more stupid people there are?

11/11

I remember:
- my mom and all my grandparents, my Auntie Donna and Uncle Jimmy
- all my friends who have passed before me.
- Great Uncle Don who died overseas, and Uncle Stubb who was a pilot.
- all the people who put themselves in harm's way to keep the world as peaceful a place as humanity can manage at any given point in time. Thank you.

On the same note but in a different vein: I remember
- the way my mom's purse always smelled of juicy fruit and spearmint
- the cousins using grandpa's sunday go to meeting neck brace as a princess crown
- Grandpa Irv's case of pic-a-pop that Patty & I got to choose the flavours for
- bath day in the summer at the Swan farm BEFORE the bathtub was installed when I was in grade 6. All the cousins lined up in the kitchen with the metal washtubs, thus the origination of don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
- cooking with Auntie Donna in preparation for harvest
- Uncle Jimmy attempting to teach Patty to ride Joy, but Patty simply told the horse go left, and it did, go right ... Uncle Jimmy was so surprised.

AND I remeber:

- losing my ruby ring my dad bought me for my birthday in the sandbox at the park.
- sliding down the crackled windshield of the beater car in larry lazondike's back yard - with his uncle's permission.
- my first trip to Polo Park, sans adults, with cousin leslie and randy & Brian Carpenter
- both times I was almost struck by lightening
- the FIRST time hot pants were hot.
- making the cheerleading squad
- hash attack jeans, chevy vans and muscle cars
- army cadets and rapelling down the mountain
- private boarding school
- hitchhiking all over
- juvenile hall
- crushed velvet suits and 4-5 inch spikes at the disco
- Whole Earth, the Den, the Old Gold, the Paddock, the old student union, and Hollywood's
- my pair of mismatched 1960 falcons and my 1961 push button transmission valiant
- how magical I felt in my 2nd wedding dress (heh heh)
- finally moving out of housing
- the satisfaction of seeing both my kids complete their grade 12
- finishing my degree

monday monday .... so good to me ....

Nasty icy roads precluded that stroll to work.
Very productive work day though.
And now it's off to cheezioke - oh yeah!

transformation

Energy can be transformed but not destroyed. Life moves to death moves to life. How do you get off the hamster wheel?

Saturday

busy busy. no time for this today. tomorrow maybe ;)

traditions

Don's memorial service is today. I hadn't seen much of him lately (guilt), mostly because I, like so many others, am uncomfortable dealing with people that are actively dying (fear). It's good that he isn't suffering anymore (relief) (more guilt) and though I am sure that Patty's heart is completely broken (sadness), I am also sure (self talking from hope) that she will suffer less now that Don does (more relief & even more guilt just for thinking that).

But how do you say goodbye when you didn't know the end was THIS close, and you missed your opportunity?(bad person) What happens when the person who died doesn't follow any tradition? In today's world the traditions just don't cover all the eventualities. Don is gone, Patty has been his companion for some 6 years now. They used to live together (long story) and haven't for a few years, but they still see each other and Patty is the one that has cared for and nursed hime through his whole illness. Over a year, fighting to keep him alive and in some sense of order - no mean feat. But now that he is gone - it's like she is invisible - to the the traditions.

His children are recognized(no matter what their relationship was). Even his exwife is recognized (I am not pointing fingers at people here just trying to show that traditions fail)But the one person who loves him no matter what his faults were, who never gave up on him, who knows what he wanted, who loves him with all of her heart, has no say.

It is complete and utter bullshit.

just about missed it

had a good night. have to make a decision. hmmmmm

compassion

I would hate to live in a world without it, but damn it kills those who practice it one small bit at a time. And then there is nothing you can do to ease their pain. Sure, youcan BE there for them, you can LISTEN, but does it really help? I don't fuckin think so.

Love you sister.

brainsludge

I just now realized that not only is it the 4the day of the nablowme month but the 4th day of nosmokesfor you month. At least is is simple to keep track because my focus mechanism has had a complete meltdown. This is worse than before I went on the prozac, never mind the jumpin' off that long ago train.

holy motherfucker. I can barely play scrabble. It's all I can do to pay attention to the computer for 15 minutes. TV is okay so long as it's loud and there's something that I can criticize.

I love my car - Deb and I went & got groceries and 2 sweaters yeatereve and she found her pants. I need a haircut though and some colour, if anyone sees Deanna tell her to give me a call - I'm sleeping alot so I'm likely home if I'm not at work. Except for next Saturday which is 5440 - that should be fun.

I need to find something else to do during my coffee g=breaks and lunch since I refuse to go buy shit in the mall that I don't need and I've found that I cannot hang with my smoking friends because that 2nd hand smoke just smells too damn good!

smoking

I enjoy smoking. I love to kick back and have a nice big drag of that fresh tobacco taste after a great meal. Or that lovely aromatic mouthful with my morning java. Or the colourful mix of frosty cold morning smoke paired with the memory sparking scent of automobile gasoline fumes. ahhhhhhh.

And then there's reality, hacking up a couple of furr balls after a night out with friends because your normal 4-5 a day habit bit the big one and you inhaled an entire pack and then some. THe 3 hours spent nervously traversing the 25 foot hallway while you wait for noon to get there so that you can go to the conrner store and get some smokes that you forgot to get on your way home and it's 40 freaaking below outside, so it's too far for Shopper's. The pungent STANK of your back porch when the first fresh breeze of spring makes you realize that you did NOT paint your porch yellow last fall. cinder holes - in everything. the infinite search for a match or other fire emblazing apparatus. ashtray mouth. yellow fingers. blackened lungs.

damn I miss it and it's only been 2 days and a bit.

I'm angry and bitchy. I went to bed last nite at 7:30 because I couldn't stand myself, and I was awake every hour and a half or so. My teeth have been clenched for so long my jaw just aches. And when I smell someone smoking I salivate so much I have to spit.

but it's good for me.

bah humbug. I'm pissed off.

sunday brunch ...

was fabulous and well attended - myself Stacy Owen Darrell & Jill Danny & Katie Tara & benaliscious and brother Chad all meandered down to the Inn for the fabulous brunch. Today there was prime rib, feta & spinach stuffed chicken breast and a mango papaya tilapi to just fuckin' die for. And all the rest of the great stuff they always have ;) Now it's off to play canasta.

nablopomo

2nd year - I'm too tired from a great hallowe'en and it's 17 degrees outside so Miss Stacy and I are off to the deck to play Scrabble OUTSIDE on the FIRST of NOVEMBER!!!

I know!

clearly delusional

so apparently yesterday Huey Lewis was bouncing through my brain. I don't know why, but the dtty sucks. I would delete the post but I like to leave the ugly ones there to remind me to think before I post.

I actually managed to get this time sensitive project completed a day early yesterday, so I should be able to leave work today with everything moderately under control. Who Hoo! It's my birthday on Monday and I would much rather be ahead when I start the day.

D'Kar d'pissed me off this am. I was all organized to get everything in D'Kar and take it to work so that I could get to the bridge before the zombies this afternoon to take some pictures before they infest Victoria Park. But no. D'Kar she went rrrrrrrrr - and it was a no go. C'est la vie. I will ask Chris if he will come and boost me tomorrow.

Off to work now.

clearly delusional

so apparently yesterday Huey Lewis was bouncing through my brain. I don't know why, but the dtty sucks. I would delete the post but I like to leave the ugly ones there to remind me to think before I post.

I actually managed to get this time sensitive project completed a day early yesterday, so I should be able to leave work today with everything moderately under control. Who Hoo! It's my birthday on Monday and I would much rather be ahead when I start the day.

D'Kar d'pissed me off this am. I was all organized to get everything in D'Kar and take it to work so that I could get to the bridge before the zombies do this after and take some pictures before they infest Victoria Park. But no. D'Kar she went rrrrrrrrr - and it was a no go. C'est la vie. I will ask Chris if he will come and boost me tomorrow.

Off to work now.

almost hallowe'en

i want a new life....
I want it real quick ...
I want one that makes me dance ...
and where I'm never sick....

I want a new life ...
Yes, I want it all ...
I want a great stretch limo
to take me to the hallowe'en ball.

gratitude

Great friends
Real people
A place to call home
Turkey dinner with the clan
I have a good job
Technology to keep in touch
Unforgettable moments
D'Kar
Enjoying life.

dear mom:

For some reason i really missed you today. I don't know what it is, but it's there, just out of reach. Kind of like you.

REALLY wish you were here. I'm selfish that way.

t-t-t-t-tuesday

I believe I am grateful that though I have been blessed with my friends' cold, so far, cross my fingers, I have not contracted the truly snotty virulent strain. Cough, headache, ears popping, exhausted, eyes stuck together with goop is quite enough.

Abigail is correct, neo citron is my friend.

named

After much consideration, the wheels have been named: D'Kar.

rain

A percussive splat! on the window, introducing the random pitter patter of autumn's tears. Mourning summer's joie d'vie with the brilliant colours of death. The sniffles are on the loose and hibernation's knocking on the door.


I'm not going to answer.

faded

you wake to morning's dawn, colourless
the pink and orange glow of manmade happiness beckons.
to smile and in your mind be glad while the body wilts in semistasis.

today is burnt and past, ne'er to last
reality self-setting in damp cement.
opportunties destroyed before they're born.

tomorrow a new path weaves through past and present
stretching out before you.
risk? take the step.

a moment

have you ever had that moment?
you know, that intake of breath and clarity of vsion
that informs you ...

with clear bright knowledge
unprovable and true ...

missed the boat.
how sad.


Note to self: do not watch girly princess movies

Octobre'

My favorite month. My Birthday, concerts galore - Neil Young, Feist, SNFU and Lenny Kravitz, along with the zombie walk and the biggest costume bash of the year! And this year the costume is just a tad extravagant. All hail hallowed October.

I bought a car yesterday. yes I did. Shiny red and new to me - ahhh the freedom. I've not had one for 7 years or so... egads but I love to cruise in my automobile. I gassed it up (bit of a shocker there) then I washed it and waxed it and took it for all to see, cruisin' down the road just my baby and me. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Note to self: take some pictures of the car and find her name. She used to be a Clifford, but wit the adoption and gender change and all, needs a new moniker.

Workin' on the hallowe'en mask. It's divalicious.

no longer HOMEless

I've always lived in different places, we moved alot when I was young, but I usually considered HOME to be at my grandma Jones's in Swan River or my grandma Millie's in saskatoon. The grandma's are gone now and MJ where my dad lives has sort of taken on that role - but it's not the same - no sense of HOMEstory - you know?

I realized yesterday that HOME is now my place. All those other places were home at the time but they weren't really HOME. Sort of transitional places to stay and grow the family, build the career, etc.

A few friends popped over last night to do some girly hair stuff and without even thinking about it hostess mode turns on and there's cocktails and some munchies... it's just automatic. Thank you dad. And it felt great.

Last week when some of the ladies were over - it was the same thing. I love sharing my home with my (borrowed from Miss Stacy) framily.

So now I'm making my own HOMEstory, and it seems somehow significant - I'll figure it out.

friday DOs are the best!

I love Friday DOs (earned day off). Especially on a beauty day like today. Crisp and clean, fairly warm and only a few chores that MUST be done.

I'll be cookin' up some great eats for potlach at Anarchy's tomorrow. Perhaps find a new pair of shoes at Iannone's. Do a little wandering of the stores down Cathedral way. Pick up my friendly Stellas. And do a load of laundry.

Oh yes, and I have to process the pics from the Wacky Olympics on Wednesday - it was a team building activity for work and it was hilarious.

So it's outside we go to enjoy the weather before old man winter freezes the short & curlies.

I do need to find someone to get the sliver out of my finger.

truthiness...

So my son and I, we go waaay back. They were the best of times with a random worst of times, but mostly best. He's my friend. He moved out last November and he turned 25 last March. I do occasionally regret the joy of questioning authority and debate that I fostered in him. He's a good kid.

Today he came over for a visit - he wanted me to make him egg in the holes) He told me he got me a present. He's asked me to draw him my initials a while ago.



He now has this tattoo : he had a flower drawn in the shape of my initials just above his heart. I almost couldn't believe it. it has a truthiness to it.

I must have been a good mom sometimes.

fall

today the word russet popped out of my mouth, which started the brain along the path of vermilion, scarlet, umber, bronze and mustard. I only think those words when summer is over. heavy sigh. perhaps that's what's been the matter lately. I had such a great summer.

I need to buy new shoes.

and sleep regularly.

words

barren still and silent, my road runs ever on
images of childhood, fleeting joyous, now they're gone.
friendships made, some lost or frayed - loneliness abiding
the tears that fall, when memories call with regret slowly rising.

the lives you've shared with ghosts long past and lovers in the gloom
the questions never answered, as the shadows fill the room.
laughter love and anger, fear resentment searing pain
your life so full yet empty, missing something you won't name.

whenever happiness walks by, and turns to stop and gloat
what is it really, ask yourself, that tightens up your throat.
the many friends, good job, great kids and thriving family tree
yet deep inside and running wild, desires you will not free.

it's not for you you tell yourself, you had your chance and lost
afraid to take that step again, you can't afford the cost.
the mirror shows the outside, a reflection of the self
you turn your back or cry alone unwilling to reach out.

trapped in your own labyrinth, of self mistrust and shame
you don't know how to find the way, out of your own damned game.
filled with desperation, barely choking out a breath
you run and dance and laugh and sing, a whirling dervish never rests.

you fill your life with people and you love them one and all
but still you're slowly sliding, back to that place before the fall.
the slippery slope of nothingness that leeches out your life
once you're alone and sitting in the deep of silent night.

you want someone to save you, yet you're too mute for the task
it wouldn't even matter if someone came right out and asked
around and round in circles your heart fights with your brain
the moon and stars the only ones, to see tears fall like rain.

which way did I go?

... still running like Wiley Coyote. Note to self: I am not complaining, it's just an observation. Last weekend's insomnia twisted this sister and I've been trying to catch up all week. I had to move my DO from Friday to Monday since I hadn't really had any sleep in about 2 and a half days. Thank the hundred little gods that my boss was amenable to the change because I only have 1 sick day and 1 vacation day available to me until the end of December.

THe Elton John concert was the BEST!!! Patty and I got up after 3 songs and went and danced and sang at the railing through the whole thing. I have now officially sung duets with Sir Elton...

Wednesday was rush ruah to get to Liza's for my neice Ashley's 18th birthday party. SO much more sedate than the beer bong bash for Liza's 40th a couple of weeks ago;)And Thursday was danger wine night - cause you never really know how you will wake up the next day and you know you have to work. Me? All good.

So I'm just getting off work now and then it's of to deckadance for Handsome Joe's birthday and a chance to visit with some of my original work crew and buddies I haven't seen since summer got here - and reel to the lambent tones of Celtica.

tomorrow I rest. maybe. subject to change.

meltin' for elton

the joy of knowing there's another 8 year old out there ... glory fuckin be!

the weekended

thurs at the dishpit was a blast- twistin' the nite away, and jammin later was too hilarious. almost slept in Friday - what a gorgeous day, and it was off to the patio to celebrate Deb's 51st bday (she'll love me for that). Saturday was crafts with the kidlets and some solid relaxin at home. Sunday the hot girls + Marc & Logan went for brunch at the Regina Inn - amazing! Though bailey's for your coffee is not available until noon. I even got my pics posted - huzzah!

This week it's the laundry, elton john, my niece ashley's bday, wine with the ladies and handsome Joe's bday at the same time as celtica with Tgirl, carebear, lana and the boys. And then it's saturday again.

no wonder why I'm tired.

but happy;)

ah well

apparently I did have it at Bushwakker's. And left it on the floor of Laurie's car when we got out at the patio.

My apologies to all of the thieves I have maligned.

But I do have my phone back.

bye bye cellphone

It took me years to finally cave and get a cell phone, this July. Didn't go on a contract, just pay as you go. You have to buy and activate a new card every 60 days. If you have left over minutes, they roll over.

I went in to buy a new card on the 60th day and they had already deactivated my account and took the $33 I still had left. Tried all avenues, no success, not happy. So I purchased a new card, but only $20 this time. Finally got most of my numbers entered in etc, and was finding it fairly convenient to have around.

Last night at the patio someone went into my purse and took my phone. Not the smokes, not the happy can, not my credit cards - not a smart thief - just my phone. My friends and I have been calling the number - no answer.

So to whoever took my phone:
You should have taken the credit cards too - missed opportunity there dumbass - you could have bought a car on my mastercard. Or if it was a case of borrowing it - give it back. Or drop it off to one of the servers at the patio as "found". I don't care who or why - I just want all my numbers back.

fuck.

?

I used to have ambition. Looked for the big picture, wanted to be the star. Now I seem to be content with snapshots, and I'm behind the camera. Not the director - which is strange enough in itself, but the image catcher historian. It used to be all about the intesity of colour and now it's the starkness of black & white reality - with the occasional fuzzy filter just to maintain the occasional delusion. WTF is that about?

what moves you?

I went to a great concert Tuesday night and was chair dancing from the first tune (no dance floor). When the music moves my soul, the rest of me follows. What truly amazed me was that halfway through the show, 90% of the people there weren't even nodding their collective heads, never mind the occasional torso twitch. Are we so afraid to allow ourselves that freedom of movement even within our own societally dictated 2 square feet of space? Or is everybody just dead inside to the music?

labour day is over

and a busy one it was with tech stops and housework and some random kitchen redesign. I now look forward to a music filled autumn and less than 2 months to my birthday and hallowed e'en. I realized 10 minutes ago that yesterday would have been my 30th anniversary if I'd stayed married the first time. funny thing that. now I celebrate my freedom anniversary every year;) times change. are you having fun yet?

...meh

I know!!!

deep thinkin' day

words from the dalai ...

" Mothers in society are the first lamas, or gurus, of compassion; our spiritual lamas come later in life. Our mothers teach us the power and value of compassion right from our birth."

and lest not forget that there are many women who do not have children of their own but are just as compassionate.

I have decided not to do the 5 on the 27th any longer.

the human capacity for stupidity is infinte. Isn't it?

change is eternal ...

the vaguaries of vanity

I love music. I used to play several instruments. Piano (still can) drums, blues bass (left handed) 1 song on the sax, and a tune on an oboe. it's been a few decades but camping made my fingers itch for a guitar.

Fancy that, I'm at my niece Autumn's birthday party and I ntice this guitar case covered in dust ... it's my neice Ashley's, and she doesn't play it anymore - never quite got into it, but she's a slammin drummer. Autums has one too. And my brother-in-law Brian is going hard on his.

Autumn lent me hers last Thursday. Hah! what a fiasco... you would have howled to see me. It's right handed and feels all backasswards. I tried turning it upside down - no go. So I settled into relearning how to play the guitar - with no pick, but I have great nails so it wasn't too awful for a rank amateur like myself. Half an hour and my fingers were killing me. I'm weak! and my nails were chipped in 2 small spots. I might have to trim my beautiful long pink nails. One of the few characteristics that I really like about my physical self. Well, maybe not - it's just the guitar.

Friday was a wash for practice - 20 minutes maybe but then Kev gave me a pick, now I was in business. G chord strum strum strum - how do I do that, which strings should I be strumming ... thank the hundred little gods for the internets. Found a How To site, with finger charts AND AV of what I should be doing - much better. Tried 5 chairs till I found one the right height, well almost. D chord strum strum strum - don't strum the 1 string - I know it has a key ... damn my nails are in the way of holding down the chords ... bend the knuckles more, can't reach the next fret for the B chord.... damn ... it's going to look really stupid with one hand of short fingernails and one long ...

Tonight I managed D G C A and I can't do F - out come the clippers and off go the nails on the left hand. Much better, I even managed a few transitions this time without the twanging caused by a too long nail in the middle.

But I love my long nails. Oh well, sport length it is. Then I realized that though I may not have to trim the right hand as short - I can hardly leavw the long Barbie nails on one hand and have Ken nails on the other ... clip clip clip - oh the TRAUMA!

but I play better. I think I'll put more shiny things n my toenails ;)

the ides of summer ...

The sky was cerulean blue on my way to work this morning step step limp.
By noon the clouds began to creep up on the horizon like the negative rumbles gathering behind my tongue.
Overcast reigns midafternoon of the ides of summer, half spent and half yet to discover.

Birthdays and birth days, engagements and weddings, graduations and vacations, and getting around to those little tasks that need to be done.
Fix that thrice bedamned dripdripdrip of the kitchen faucette and replace the elbow joint in the biffy, maybe see what the hardwood is REALLY like under that hardboard.

And last of all self revalation: note to self, do not drink white wine on the deck!
Sheesh, you'd have thought I had already figured that one out.

Leter to Vericose:

Leave my veins alone you bastard!

dk

july long

camping at madge - superb
seeing the swan clan - extraordinary
almost being nick sheloff'd - priceless

got home burnt but happy to find I am a great aunt to Hailey Brook Nordquist and she's beautiful!