personal secrets

I like to keep them when they're mine, because I always have the option to share if I need to. I don't often, but it does seem lately that some fairly juicy items I've been holding onto for decades now are just popping out as bon mots or anecdotal conversation, and on several occasions said conversation stopped cold. It wasn't meant to shock, it wasn't even a conscious choice, just an automated dump of dirt I no longer felt the need to hold onto.

Apparently what I see as a normal part of my earlier life and my blase attitude about the whole business is perniciously self delusional. So I've been told.

For the record I am not self delusional, I have worked through the black and ugly stuff in my life, and while I am certainly not happy about it by any means, I have learned to accept it as a part of what made me who I am today. Many of my experiences are what afford me the considerable compassion I can occasionally access, that provides me with a nonjudgmental stance when certain delicate subjects are breached. If I point a finger at anyone, there are 4 pointing right back at me.

One of the greatest things about surviving past 40 is the longview. Priorities change, opinions shift, patience shows back up as a regular companion, and you may find yourself thinking "it wasn't so bad". It was. Then. That was a looong time ago. Let it go, do not let being chained to the past destroy your present and deny your future.

Shit happens. Flush it.