NaBloPoMo nomo' (humming deck the halls)

tis the last day of na blo po mo
no more mid-nite paaa-nic attacks for me.

throughout the month, just trying to remember
and posting at least SOMEthing religiously.

i am finished
i have done it
some of my posts sucked, that's the way it be.

but i completed the goal that i stated
gone now is that responsibility.

MMWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA


personalities:
your soul shines through your eyes on the cloudiest of days and brightens my world each and every time i see you. you are an accumulation of all that is good: kindness, compassion, patience, open hearted, handed and minded. you remind us all what we WANT to be, even as we're fumbling along our paths. and as if that wasn't enough you have pizzazz, attitude, intelligence and you do a great dance. so when your internal glow is awash with pain from an uncontrollable source know that you just have to call me, i'll be there sister.

thursday

made it through the week ,,, damn but winter is here with a vengeance,

wicked wednesday

by the hundred little gods that wind out there today was SNAP. i was at the UofR today and as soon as i saw the strikers i was very thankful.

snappy repartee from narrow minded commentators insults me: "what-ever, they make more than we do", "i'll take that job", " or the ever so erudite "f#@$ers!". such an astonishing vocabulary for a college boy.

they may make more than you do (usually though not always, ) through investing time and effort, education, training, and experience. lots of people do - you're a student. it is quite possible that you may not meet the qualifications to apply for that job. if you do, have you applied? what this group of f#@$ers is doing supports ALL workers by serving notice that a business cannot be run successfully without employees. the principals upheld here, seeded society with a demand for wage & labour standards, ohs and equity.

understand this, no sane individual prefers snow slogging at -22C on one of the windiest freaking intersections along the parkway. i am fairly sure most would prefer heated workspace and fair day's pay for a fair days work. have you asked one of them?

so thanks to all those sisters & brothers who stand visible & strengthen our solidarity.

5 on the 27th #3

you took me with you on a romp through the discovery of sex with all of the enthusiasm and curiosity of youth, without any prudery or twisted perceptions. just good old fashioned enjoyment of the gifts of our bodies that has lasted my lifetime. always will you have a special place in my heart wherever you are. (it didn't hurt that you were a juvenile delinquent on parole from kilbourne and my mom told me to stay away from you ;)

i told my parents to send me to Dale's House, they sent me to Luther College High School to live in the dorm. my girls and I met you and your guys. it started out as you and Chris and me and Mike and after 2 days we realized we had it wrong so we switched. you were a lightening rod. i loved to run my fingers through your mane while we were making out. remember the mattress fire? i still howl at the look on Mike's face when he realized it was himself that was burning. in the end you were a bastard and i walked out heart broken. long since forgiven.

my unknown saviour - tall blond, suave with a hot car. i was 14, the police were on strike. you and your sister donna and her boyfriend darrel picked me up walking down Victoria Ave. smokin' strawberry and lime, frisbee with the wascana authority guard's hat. i had just had my heart broken and you seemed to simply want to take care of me. 3 dyas and i ran away from your intensity. but what a blast! you found my dad's number in estevan and called there 3 times a day until i got there a week later. remember the storm on the way back from north portal and supper at caesar's? your mom was wonderful. then you ruined it. no one does that to me. i snuck back to the house after everyone went to work, broke in, took my stuff and hit the highway. you found me again 3 months later in juvie hall and talked my social worker into allowing you to take me out for my 15th birthday. you wore a baby blue crushed velvet suit (smashing). we went to Sahara Nights when it was still an upscale restaurant. too much wine, a little reefer and some great face - it was a wonderful birthday. we were done and i never saw you again.

ahhh my great tormented love - a tragic romance - love at first sight - you made me feel wanted and needed and safe in a world where there was no place for me. my love for you knew no bounds and refused to die no matter how hard the system stomped on it. do you remember April Wine and the VW or Dr. Hook's "Little Bit More"? breaking you out of juvie jail was a rush. every time we got together chaos ensued - it was glorious.

cookie, sweet & tasty comfort food for the soul, a 10 day interlude that got me through the devestation of john's betrayal. it always hurts most when it's your friends that stab you in the back right under your nose. we met randomly at an after 777s house party. both of us bored - staring at each other. we went outside for a smoke and watched the dawnrise later - sort of ;)many zoomers, the BEST ACDC concert and several deck days later we both had to go back to work. that night at Kenny's still makes me grin like a cheshire cat.

the riders won and hell has now frozen over.

holy crap - was it ever snowing out this morning - big fat fluffy flalkes that fill in your footsteps faster than a cab will come for you. it was cold and my knee was aching and the curse made everything else stiff and sore, which sucks because i didn't even go out and party last night! - never mind the whining, so i called tmy normal taxi company and chatted with the dispatcher who answered the call, who said NOTHING about an extended wait, though i could see that happening the day after the victory kafuffle last night.

so it's REALLY dark out still at 7:40. I smoked a cigarette. i made little tractor tracks in the snow. i brushed the snow off my self... and i was starting to get chilly. should i go in and trudge up the stairs to call the cab company bany back thereby missing the cab when I am halfway to the condo... can not miss the taxi ... and then it was light out (i don't wear a watch i suck the energy out of them) so it must have been awhile - when i noticed my filled in steps. enough

instead of trudging up to my place a bothered the boys in #2 and they called for me so i could keep an eye out for the taxi just in case. and the woman says "Are you sure you didn't call another company?" (it's now 8:15 and I have to be at work by 8:30)

"look, i only call this company because the others stink - literally or lie to me - i called, the dispatcher joked around with me and told me no, so I said please LIKE I DO MOST TIMES. (though i didn't yell at the time as the would have been completely counterproductive). and then i went dowstairs to wait, which i have been doing for tick tick tick for 40 minutes now. when can you have a cab here please?"

"is this 2212 cornwall calling - #3?" i said yes. "we never received a call from that address"

talk about a service person who doesn't even register what you've said ...

the cab came at 8:25, i have had an otherwise good day except it's the first day of -20 and with the windchill it is a brisk -34. hope the wind is behind me.

grey cup day

yay - the riders won .... boo the bombers lost. there has to be a winner and a loser. i am trying t0 convince myself that that's okay.

11:47 almost missed it ...

mmmm saturday - slept in until almost 10, mind you i didn't get home till midnite and i still haven't got the christmas cards done ... or the never ending gods bedamned laundry.

went to the psychic fair at the catholic church .. you heard me correctly ... quite blase with the exception of the chakra reader and the labyrinth the Rainbow Youth Centre kids made - it was beautiful - and they did it on canvass so it's portable. however on the topic of contradictions the stations of the cross is also a labyrinthan pattern. altogether different from mazes, no dead ends or offshoots and the path to the center is also the path out. it's a gathwering of focus and release after centering. crete's labyrinth was supposedly created to trap the magical energies of the minotaur. it is also purported by some that all of the greatest of the ancient cities like Troy and constantinople were built over labyrinths as well. London too actually, based on the traditions of the earlier peoples before it became an urban center and was a simple collection of verdant hills.

i also came across some infor on mayan astrology which i have been looking for for a while nbow - so that will be an interesting winter project.

a lovely luch at donnakaykes with miss PJ and a tour of some of the 13th avenue shops. ihad no idea A CUP of Tea was even there. brought home some Latte Moachohita" tea, which smells like coffee. hmmmmm - not for me - just tasted wrong - not bad. should have got the raspberry or the jasmin - transcendant. we went to awarehouse for a browse - and for the first time the person behind the counter just didn't fit with the ambience of the store. he was a discordant note in an otherwise welcoming tone. supercillious, arrogant and nowhere near as knowledgeable as he attempted to present. i'll go back another day and pick up what i wanted.

then i messed about around the house, played a whack of crackbook scrabble - even got 3 - 7letter words in one game. deb & i got the invitations out for the OLA - Meeting of the Broads.

and now to bed.

hot diggity ...

this has been the oohso long whenwilliteverend yegodsihateitwheniwhine damnmykneehurts week. and now it is done. well almost.

as i sit here listening to the newly installed burner in my pc humming along copying my back up files (you do burn back ups of your stuff once in a while don't you?) i have a deep sense of accomplishment for all of the work i have managed to finish this week. i even managed a pint or two with the crew at the pub and Stace popped over for a bit after, dinner with my son at his place, a visit with Lu at her's, downloaded a few movies, played some scrabulous and even took the garbage out.

i am supposed to be going out visit da goils but i think my knee has put the kibosh on that & my dance night may have become gimp night BUT i finally got my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon - can you believe it - NEXT WEDNESDAY. my xrays are ready and waiting to be picked up and then it's off to the Kinesiology dept at the UofR. i shouldn't whine though because i've lived through back pain and this is NADA compared to that - BTW - YAY AIDEN! - painfree and mobile once again. i am hoping it doesn't take as long to get the surgery on my knee - or they don't come up with the "elective" crap - but thanks for the incontinence tip cause when the knee she goes i can't get to where i need to. it hasn't happened yet and i don't want to borrow trouble but if it gets the knee fixed sooner i'm in.

anyway, the deal with the knee is there's a hard nodule floating around in the knee cap and it doesn't hurt or even seem like it's there until it gets stuck BETWEEN 2 muscles/tendons/pieces of cartilage, but when it does .... and the effects are random. PAIN stiffness - load cracking - the knee collapses, can't lift anything using that leg as foundation (lift from the knees), stairs are bad leg first going down and bad leg last going up while twofooting each step and this week we add to the list the back of knee pit gets sharp dagger like stabbing sensations immobilizing leg from hip to ankle - BUT it doesn't swell, it's not constant, and i'm only taking IBProfin for it.

so today i will just be thankful to get everything done and have a nice relaxing weekend. (even though i really really really want to go dancng" OH YEAH, that's where i was going in the last paragraph - the big problem with my knee is that it limits where i can go - i walk everywhere and i love to dance, in fact i usually walk to work.

sitting

how often do you take time to just sit? ignore all technology, unplug the phone, put something comfortable on, and just sit...

hear the wind buffet the too thin 50 year old panes of fragile transparent sand and wonder how many more blows that membrane can withstand before it shatters, tinkling like dropped christmas ornaments. feel the thrum though the hardwood of the train mindlessly rumbling through towards its next destination... an echoed squawking as a vee of geese push harder for the lake on their annual trek to warmth and longer sunlight...

thump thump thump thump thump - a stranger hastening downwards on the stairs ... a quiet steady undetermined hum, it's the fridge. the heartbeat of a clock just down the hall... silent tears sliding into the laughlines drawn by years.

an ancient waft of smoke as the door across the hall swings open and closes, igniting the nicotine hunger staved off for several hours. cookies baking downstairs, chocolatey goodness calls as sweetly as the lady once did. let it go. breathe.

that little bumpling just above your right incisor, the slight numbness on the trembling edges of your baby toes. pop crackle snap as you shift position on the floor.

the sudden screel of the beater outside revving for heat, stealing that last thought that was so important and now its gone.

breathe.

sit.

be.

the world will not end if you find a moment or two of peace.

suspicious minds:

The lovely Schmutzie tagged Abigail who tagged me .... and so on which is a wonderful little aid for interest in this the last third of NaBloPoMo.

The Rules:
Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
Feel fantastic.

things that make me suspicious are ...

1. when someone asks me if i "like" something ... the brain says "why do they need to know?"
2. if i haven't heard from my kids for a while and any of the first 3 sentences are "i love you, you're the best mom, or guess what happened to me..."
3. when a sentence begins with " i overheard, i'm not sure, or just gossip but" i have to wonder what the motivation of the speaker is.
4. when objects are not where i left them or go missing entirely
5. when people tell me I"look great this evening" - it feels great, but there is that niggle in the background going "and what do i look like any other time"- and yes i know i don't see me the way other people do.
6. subways and underpasses - for some unknown reason i always think something is going to drop on me from above.
7. beggars who ask me for "coffee money" - especially when they reek of lysol
8. most promises - we're people, we're fallible and i am fairly sure that there have been waaay more broken than kept.
9. "if you loved me..."



Tag You're it:
jukebox hero
pocket buddha
smyrish
that girl
and sometimes why

cell phones

i had a cell phone a couple of years back and it was really handy whenever I wanted to make a phone call. i didn't want to give my number to very many people as I didn't want to be found or bothered by the continuous ringing of the phone when i was out and about. I carried one for a year and a half for work (i was on call) and i did get used to the convenience.

however, 2 years later i am still cell free and content with it. there is nothing that pisses me off more than being in the middle of a really good conversation, argument, business meeting and having the other person put me on hold so that they can answer the thrice bedamned cellphone. and then continue to hold a conversation on the phone, only to forget what we were talking about to begin with. that behaviour tells me that i am not valued, or at the very least valued less than the phone call. now granted sometimes it is an important call, and a request for a moment's interruption is not at issue. but when the call is nothing pressing could you not just take a message and call them back, like if you were using a wireline phone that you could not take with you every where you went?

and that is just the people i know.

then there is a whole nasty world of inconsiderate strangers infringing on other's auditory lives with their digital pollution ( i'm not speaking of everyone - just the bastards who interfere in my daily grind) . some of us do have hearing that works very well thank you. and we hear YOU, with your grating ring tones that can be heard clear across OHanlon's at midnite on dance night, shitty renditions of popular (to some) tunes or a plethora of digitized noises that range from R2D2 and C3P0 to electronic farts. please exercise a little bit of oh so uncommon courtesy and turn down the volume on the phone and shut the fuck up.

I am sick and tired of hearing all the halves of bad conversations. i do not care to know how sick the buddy got last weekend - especially in graphic detail, nor do i want to listen to some whiny little barstar crying over "Him" or "her". i do not need to listen to half of a story about a game i'm not interested in, or about people i do not know. please just turn down the volume on your side of the conversation or get a better phone.

but now I have discovered "jammers" - some wonderful little devices that fits in a pocket and will jam all cell signals for an area of 9 meters around the jammer. yes they are illegal in North America and so is marijuana. they are being imported in larger and larger numbers and with any luck will soon be available anywhere there is enough of a market - that would be everywhere.

i have asked nicely. nice didn't work. the jammer will solve the noise pollution problem quite handily. all i want for christmas ...

well another day, another 12 dollars

work craaazzzyyy busy. got in early, worked through lunch and forgot to take a coffee break. not complaining, just an observation. my job, like my life is fairly hurry up and wait, hurry up and catch up, oh wait now... planplanplan ... damn , best laid plans...

i am still trying to get help tp mpve the loveseat from the 3rd floor, down to main out the door in my door up 2 flights. it's light and not too bulky .....

i believe i will go and have a bubble bath now.

night

internal conflict

YAY! the riders won. i live in sask.

YAY! the bombers won. I was born and partially raised in winnipeg.

damn!

I guess either way I both win and lose ...

a good time had by most

all dressed up and where do we go? the pub. katie in a floor length blue number shimmering in sparklies. abibail in her new frock and jules in a short little spring green number. stace fabulous in leopard print and elbow length gloves. sharon was suited up and her dotter was skirted as well. i went a la chatelaine, with pin striped full length suiting AND heels (little tiny ones yes, but heels nonetheless). rod as ever, was semiformal, Danny and Dan in a couple of sharp suits and aiden quite dapper with the french trench and fedora. a huge crew - lots of smiles and a dollop of dancing. only a few of the crew missing the action ... we missed them though and cheersed them as well.

my devi is over for a girl's night. we went and got groceries & cooked supper, watched a couple of movies with dessert, did some laundry (she loves to go in the basement). she whopped me in frustration and by 10 pm she wanted to go to bed. angels they are.

i spent 4 hours this am sorting through the almost 600 pics we took last night and ended up with 311 i wanted to keep, cropped shopped and shrunk. i created a crackbook album - and it hung... another .... tried to edit the first - hung ... created a third (and in the meantime rebooted pc, dumped temp files, cleared cache etc ...) still no go. maybe the crack is too busy - it was midafternoon .... try later. so half an hour ago .... i deleted 4 old albums that i didn't want to delete - thought maybe 20 albums was an unknown limit. created 4th new album, clicked create now ... hung .... %$)(*&%^(^$$#%$*$&^%@$#@$#@%#^%I*%^#*%(I%P*)$%

you get the picture - or you don't - none does .... aarrgghhhhh!

here's the whole crew we could gather at a random time last night:

for me, it' back to trying to get the damn things posted .. wish me luck ;)

friday

aiden get's out of the hospital today and katie turns 19. off to the formal party at the pub ;)

thursday

long day - nothing to talk about - nite!

oh! - bought some pretty snazzy shoes today ;)

almost midnite

wednesday - hump becomes lump becomes limp day

brain hurts, realized at 7 tonight i had not taken my allergy pill. doh! better now.

workin' friday now, but i actually found clothes in my closet that fit me again.

off to beddy bye.

tuesday tuesday - my good news day

hopefully my friend the palinode is having his suspension adjusted this afternoon and he can burn his membership to the "I walk slower than a turtle club" (i have no idea how long it'll be before i can burn mine but i am working on a third referral to an orthapedic surgean - still trying to get a freaking appointment)

abigail has found some spark ..... who hoo!

savia managed to get to bc to be with superstar.

david emailed me his number so we can get the loveseat moved ;)

my devi girl sent me an email.

i found i nice pair of mitts for Deb, whose lost 2 pair in one week at dollarama lama bing bang, which my son and i toured when he surprised me by showing up at my work to take me for lunch (though i had already had a small thing of frys earlier) he bought all kinds of stuff, I bought mitts and borrowed 10 bucks :) HAH! now there's a turnaround...

damn but his showing up sure did my heart good. a bit of mommy anxiety plaguing me since yesterday.

gotta run, love y'all

keep thinkin' it's sunday

well the feet are much better after dance night. i find that i am missing my son ... my friends just look at me and shake their heads at me. never freaking satisfied.

love the place though, and having Deb around is a treat.

her book boxes have now made it to the storage room - we are both doing the little happy dance. now i just need to get a hold of david so we can move the loveseat in.

and the phone isn't ringing all day.

relatively content.

rememberance day

it's about respect, historical, current and future ... participate