no longer HOMEless

I've always lived in different places, we moved alot when I was young, but I usually considered HOME to be at my grandma Jones's in Swan River or my grandma Millie's in saskatoon. The grandma's are gone now and MJ where my dad lives has sort of taken on that role - but it's not the same - no sense of HOMEstory - you know?

I realized yesterday that HOME is now my place. All those other places were home at the time but they weren't really HOME. Sort of transitional places to stay and grow the family, build the career, etc.

A few friends popped over last night to do some girly hair stuff and without even thinking about it hostess mode turns on and there's cocktails and some munchies... it's just automatic. Thank you dad. And it felt great.

Last week when some of the ladies were over - it was the same thing. I love sharing my home with my (borrowed from Miss Stacy) framily.

So now I'm making my own HOMEstory, and it seems somehow significant - I'll figure it out.

friday DOs are the best!

I love Friday DOs (earned day off). Especially on a beauty day like today. Crisp and clean, fairly warm and only a few chores that MUST be done.

I'll be cookin' up some great eats for potlach at Anarchy's tomorrow. Perhaps find a new pair of shoes at Iannone's. Do a little wandering of the stores down Cathedral way. Pick up my friendly Stellas. And do a load of laundry.

Oh yes, and I have to process the pics from the Wacky Olympics on Wednesday - it was a team building activity for work and it was hilarious.

So it's outside we go to enjoy the weather before old man winter freezes the short & curlies.

I do need to find someone to get the sliver out of my finger.

truthiness...

So my son and I, we go waaay back. They were the best of times with a random worst of times, but mostly best. He's my friend. He moved out last November and he turned 25 last March. I do occasionally regret the joy of questioning authority and debate that I fostered in him. He's a good kid.

Today he came over for a visit - he wanted me to make him egg in the holes) He told me he got me a present. He's asked me to draw him my initials a while ago.



He now has this tattoo : he had a flower drawn in the shape of my initials just above his heart. I almost couldn't believe it. it has a truthiness to it.

I must have been a good mom sometimes.

fall

today the word russet popped out of my mouth, which started the brain along the path of vermilion, scarlet, umber, bronze and mustard. I only think those words when summer is over. heavy sigh. perhaps that's what's been the matter lately. I had such a great summer.

I need to buy new shoes.

and sleep regularly.

words

barren still and silent, my road runs ever on
images of childhood, fleeting joyous, now they're gone.
friendships made, some lost or frayed - loneliness abiding
the tears that fall, when memories call with regret slowly rising.

the lives you've shared with ghosts long past and lovers in the gloom
the questions never answered, as the shadows fill the room.
laughter love and anger, fear resentment searing pain
your life so full yet empty, missing something you won't name.

whenever happiness walks by, and turns to stop and gloat
what is it really, ask yourself, that tightens up your throat.
the many friends, good job, great kids and thriving family tree
yet deep inside and running wild, desires you will not free.

it's not for you you tell yourself, you had your chance and lost
afraid to take that step again, you can't afford the cost.
the mirror shows the outside, a reflection of the self
you turn your back or cry alone unwilling to reach out.

trapped in your own labyrinth, of self mistrust and shame
you don't know how to find the way, out of your own damned game.
filled with desperation, barely choking out a breath
you run and dance and laugh and sing, a whirling dervish never rests.

you fill your life with people and you love them one and all
but still you're slowly sliding, back to that place before the fall.
the slippery slope of nothingness that leeches out your life
once you're alone and sitting in the deep of silent night.

you want someone to save you, yet you're too mute for the task
it wouldn't even matter if someone came right out and asked
around and round in circles your heart fights with your brain
the moon and stars the only ones, to see tears fall like rain.

which way did I go?

... still running like Wiley Coyote. Note to self: I am not complaining, it's just an observation. Last weekend's insomnia twisted this sister and I've been trying to catch up all week. I had to move my DO from Friday to Monday since I hadn't really had any sleep in about 2 and a half days. Thank the hundred little gods that my boss was amenable to the change because I only have 1 sick day and 1 vacation day available to me until the end of December.

THe Elton John concert was the BEST!!! Patty and I got up after 3 songs and went and danced and sang at the railing through the whole thing. I have now officially sung duets with Sir Elton...

Wednesday was rush ruah to get to Liza's for my neice Ashley's 18th birthday party. SO much more sedate than the beer bong bash for Liza's 40th a couple of weeks ago;)And Thursday was danger wine night - cause you never really know how you will wake up the next day and you know you have to work. Me? All good.

So I'm just getting off work now and then it's of to deckadance for Handsome Joe's birthday and a chance to visit with some of my original work crew and buddies I haven't seen since summer got here - and reel to the lambent tones of Celtica.

tomorrow I rest. maybe. subject to change.

meltin' for elton

the joy of knowing there's another 8 year old out there ... glory fuckin be!

the weekended

thurs at the dishpit was a blast- twistin' the nite away, and jammin later was too hilarious. almost slept in Friday - what a gorgeous day, and it was off to the patio to celebrate Deb's 51st bday (she'll love me for that). Saturday was crafts with the kidlets and some solid relaxin at home. Sunday the hot girls + Marc & Logan went for brunch at the Regina Inn - amazing! Though bailey's for your coffee is not available until noon. I even got my pics posted - huzzah!

This week it's the laundry, elton john, my niece ashley's bday, wine with the ladies and handsome Joe's bday at the same time as celtica with Tgirl, carebear, lana and the boys. And then it's saturday again.

no wonder why I'm tired.

but happy;)

ah well

apparently I did have it at Bushwakker's. And left it on the floor of Laurie's car when we got out at the patio.

My apologies to all of the thieves I have maligned.

But I do have my phone back.

bye bye cellphone

It took me years to finally cave and get a cell phone, this July. Didn't go on a contract, just pay as you go. You have to buy and activate a new card every 60 days. If you have left over minutes, they roll over.

I went in to buy a new card on the 60th day and they had already deactivated my account and took the $33 I still had left. Tried all avenues, no success, not happy. So I purchased a new card, but only $20 this time. Finally got most of my numbers entered in etc, and was finding it fairly convenient to have around.

Last night at the patio someone went into my purse and took my phone. Not the smokes, not the happy can, not my credit cards - not a smart thief - just my phone. My friends and I have been calling the number - no answer.

So to whoever took my phone:
You should have taken the credit cards too - missed opportunity there dumbass - you could have bought a car on my mastercard. Or if it was a case of borrowing it - give it back. Or drop it off to one of the servers at the patio as "found". I don't care who or why - I just want all my numbers back.

fuck.

?

I used to have ambition. Looked for the big picture, wanted to be the star. Now I seem to be content with snapshots, and I'm behind the camera. Not the director - which is strange enough in itself, but the image catcher historian. It used to be all about the intesity of colour and now it's the starkness of black & white reality - with the occasional fuzzy filter just to maintain the occasional delusion. WTF is that about?

what moves you?

I went to a great concert Tuesday night and was chair dancing from the first tune (no dance floor). When the music moves my soul, the rest of me follows. What truly amazed me was that halfway through the show, 90% of the people there weren't even nodding their collective heads, never mind the occasional torso twitch. Are we so afraid to allow ourselves that freedom of movement even within our own societally dictated 2 square feet of space? Or is everybody just dead inside to the music?

labour day is over

and a busy one it was with tech stops and housework and some random kitchen redesign. I now look forward to a music filled autumn and less than 2 months to my birthday and hallowed e'en. I realized 10 minutes ago that yesterday would have been my 30th anniversary if I'd stayed married the first time. funny thing that. now I celebrate my freedom anniversary every year;) times change. are you having fun yet?